A Talk With Your Inner-Geek
Not your most intelligent talk with yourself either38 total reviews
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Author,
I like your approach with the back and forth... so I guess it's how one perceives the difference of the first two lines. Me, I'm on the first line, but I won't knock anyone choosing the second line... taste is a fickle master, and some people look good as idiots.
A fun write that may ruffle a few hair do's, but I enjoyed it!
Perfect words count, great presentation and composition.
All the very best wishes in the contest Author.
With our thoughts we create...
the joy in laughter.
Kind regards,
James.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Hi Author,
I like your approach with the back and forth... so I guess it's how one perceives the difference of the first two lines. Me, I'm on the first line, but I won't knock anyone choosing the second line... taste is a fickle master, and some people look good as idiots.
A fun write that may ruffle a few hair do's, but I enjoyed it!
Perfect words count, great presentation and composition.
All the very best wishes in the contest Author.
With our thoughts we create...
the joy in laughter.
Kind regards,
James.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Hi James, I first want to thank you and then say you completely got what I intended. However, I had someone say I may not get the same laughs because it looked like a Christmas pajama suit, so could you please take a look and tell me if it looks better? Thanks so much, my dear friend!
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I think it matters what you think.
Do you believe it looks as described... me, I don't.:))
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James, I owe you an apology. I was thinking that you had reviewed my first version with the red, white and blue pajamas. After I reread your review, I realized that you had only seen the one that is up there now. Thank you for doing that for me, and by now I wouldn't blame you if you thought I was crazy. Lol, after all I am the one in this post who is arguing with myself. hehe!
I am terribly sorry for asking that of you.
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Nothing to be sorry for... and no, I don't think you're crazy:)) I thought your poem was real and clever... so I'm going to assume, you are also hold these qualities.
Comment from Paul McFarland
I'm not a shorty fan, but you got a chuckle out of me with this one. I don't think I have seen many humorous Senryus. I didn't even know what a senryu was until I joined FS.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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I'm not a shorty fan, but you got a chuckle out of me with this one. I don't think I have seen many humorous Senryus. I didn't even know what a senryu was until I joined FS.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Awe, thanks so much Paul! I truly appreciate your kind comments
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork for your topic and
a good presentation.
-The syllable count is good.
-The first line captures the essence
of the outfit and the person.
-But there must have been a
mistake in that assumption, but
he indicates that the assumption
was right the first time.
-A good entry; good luck!!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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-Great artwork for your topic and
a good presentation.
-The syllable count is good.
-The first line captures the essence
of the outfit and the person.
-But there must have been a
mistake in that assumption, but
he indicates that the assumption
was right the first time.
-A good entry; good luck!!
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Awe, thanks so much Pam! I truly appreciate your kind comments
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Frank Malley
I think the accompanying picture's winter/Christmas theme is damaging to the sense of the short poem. Idiocy and patriotism are not mutually exclusive, after all. I don't have at hand an image of a patriotic idiot, or an idiotic patriot, but while the outfit depicted is clearly idiotic unless conceived as absurd, it doesn't really broach the topic of patriotism unless it's that patriotism that causes the world to align societal health with reindeers and Santa.
Since this poem is so dependent upon the picture, the imperfect relationship between the image and the words undermines what would have been funnier. I'll give it a five because it successfully honors the silly Senru form.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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I think the accompanying picture's winter/Christmas theme is damaging to the sense of the short poem. Idiocy and patriotism are not mutually exclusive, after all. I don't have at hand an image of a patriotic idiot, or an idiotic patriot, but while the outfit depicted is clearly idiotic unless conceived as absurd, it doesn't really broach the topic of patriotism unless it's that patriotism that causes the world to align societal health with reindeers and Santa.
Since this poem is so dependent upon the picture, the imperfect relationship between the image and the words undermines what would have been funnier. I'll give it a five because it successfully honors the silly Senru form.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Hi Frank, I felt that too, but until you said it, l wasn't sure,
Could you Please take a look again to see if this is better?
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That's a much better picture to choose. I didn't re-rate your poem, because truthfully I don't feel it merits a 6 score. Finding an even better picture without creating or paying for the art would be difficult, so: good job!
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I thank you so very much, Frank. I never write these shorter ones ever expecting a six, but I do want it to be the best it can be and you helped me to feel more satisfied with it. Thank you again, my very dear friend.
That was so kind of you to take the time to give it another look. You are awesome!!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Very funny I love it. He looks like he is wearing jammies. Does he have bunny slippers on his feet? Please say yes. Is he wearing his Captain America jockey shorts? Let's not forget his Spiderman decoder ring. Very good work here. Karen
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Very funny I love it. He looks like he is wearing jammies. Does he have bunny slippers on his feet? Please say yes. Is he wearing his Captain America jockey shorts? Let's not forget his Spiderman decoder ring. Very good work here. Karen
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Awe, thanks so much Karen! I truly appreciate your kind comments
Comment from Jane King
This is a very cute and amusing poem very clever and original. This is the first time I have seen the patriotic red white and blue on a pair of Christmas pajamas.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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This is a very cute and amusing poem very clever and original. This is the first time I have seen the patriotic red white and blue on a pair of Christmas pajamas.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Awe, thanks so much Jane! I truly appreciate your kind comments
Comment from royowen
Heh heh I just love this, a post, very quirky and very amusing work indeed, one can't help but like this one, and I feel surely many others will too, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Heh heh I just love this, a post, very quirky and very amusing work indeed, one can't help but like this one, and I feel surely many others will too, well done, good luck, blessings Roy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Awe, thanks so much Roy! I truly appreciate your kind comments
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Well done
Comment from Paul Manton
I just pray that, however young I was, I never thought of wearing this! A perfect senryu and a ghastly suit - they go together so well!
Yes, the red, white and blue could be out there for the USA, the UK, France and a guess a lot more - but we can exclude countries which don't celebrate Christmas. So quite a few of us might feel patriotic - but that feeling is obliterated by the fact that if you wear this, you look a class A DORK!
So, you got it exactly right. Funny - and probably a good bet for this contest. Good luck.
Paul
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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I just pray that, however young I was, I never thought of wearing this! A perfect senryu and a ghastly suit - they go together so well!
Yes, the red, white and blue could be out there for the USA, the UK, France and a guess a lot more - but we can exclude countries which don't celebrate Christmas. So quite a few of us might feel patriotic - but that feeling is obliterated by the fact that if you wear this, you look a class A DORK!
So, you got it exactly right. Funny - and probably a good bet for this contest. Good luck.
Paul
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Sep-2023
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2023
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Awe, thanks so much, Paul! I truly appreciate your kind comments.
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Welcome.
Paul
