What a Hundred'll Do
A Quarter That Wouldn't Stay on Julie's Brow36 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Ok, Jay. This was a skillfully woven trip into the otherworld where people who live their lives in dreams and consequences. I literally felt like I was there in the pawnshop. It was like Bustet was punishing himself by not accepting Autry's offer of friendship. And I felt just as terrible for Autry, who ignored the insults and bullying. He desperately wanted a friend. This was a sobering story. I might be lacking in empathy, but I felt nothing for Julie. She mapped out and started her own demise. Seriously, this was an awesome story. Gretchen
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Ok, Jay. This was a skillfully woven trip into the otherworld where people who live their lives in dreams and consequences. I literally felt like I was there in the pawnshop. It was like Bustet was punishing himself by not accepting Autry's offer of friendship. And I felt just as terrible for Autry, who ignored the insults and bullying. He desperately wanted a friend. This was a sobering story. I might be lacking in empathy, but I felt nothing for Julie. She mapped out and started her own demise. Seriously, this was an awesome story. Gretchen
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Yes, to be sure Julie was broken. It's a pity when someone like Buster finds himself hopelessly loving her while unable to alter her trajectory. You were absolutely right. The reader SHOULDN'T feel empathy for Julie -- only a misguided sense of the tragic for Buster.
Comment from BethShelby
That hundred dollar bill certainly did throw his spiritual equilibrium out of balance. There is so much we aren't told about these characters. We know Julia's name and maybe the protagnist is Buster and maybe not. It seems they are young and probably educated but how they've manage to live seems to be just take whatever they need and hope to live another day without a thought of anything past the moment. We get a brief incounter with a character who actions make little sense. It seems for Buster it all about saying a final goodbye in a fitting way to the deceased Julie. It is good writing but I get the uneasy sense that I'm missing something.
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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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That hundred dollar bill certainly did throw his spiritual equilibrium out of balance. There is so much we aren't told about these characters. We know Julia's name and maybe the protagnist is Buster and maybe not. It seems they are young and probably educated but how they've manage to live seems to be just take whatever they need and hope to live another day without a thought of anything past the moment. We get a brief incounter with a character who actions make little sense. It seems for Buster it all about saying a final goodbye in a fitting way to the deceased Julie. It is good writing but I get the uneasy sense that I'm missing something.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Well ... I don't think you missed something. Buster -- and that is his name -- is a "child" of the sixties, drifting, deep core-values but is too "of the moment" to reflect out those values. So he's constantly conflicted inside. His type don't generally live too long. I hate to resort to a cliché, but he's the type you love to hate.
Comment from Lisasview
Well, Jay I can clearly see why you were writer of the year, 2022...
From the very beginning, ( and all writers know or should know that the first five lines are the most important) you pull the reader in...
I wish I had the time right now to read all of this... but I do plan to.
I am in the middle of editing another writers story, so between that and writing my poems, and well, having a life... I am pretty busy...but I like it that way.
Lisasview
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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Well, Jay I can clearly see why you were writer of the year, 2022...
From the very beginning, ( and all writers know or should know that the first five lines are the most important) you pull the reader in...
I wish I had the time right now to read all of this... but I do plan to.
I am in the middle of editing another writers story, so between that and writing my poems, and well, having a life... I am pretty busy...but I like it that way.
Lisasview
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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That's Ok, Lisa. You can book case it to read when you have the time -- though when I do that, I find it's just taking it out of my view so I don't have to think about it, LOL. Thanks, though, for the review.
Jay
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You are so welcome Jay!
Lisa
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Ah, the imagery . . . you put the reader right into the scene with your characters.
Great line: The worm of depravity had burrowed deeply into each of our souls, dining and thriving on different diets, but each undeniably corrupt." I hope to be able to write like this when I grow up:-)
I enjoyed the scene in the pawn shop - we get a physical picture of the employee behind the counter, and then we get into the mental gymnastics between the two of them as they try to read each other. Excellent.
What a tribute to Julie - I can imagine she would be smiling from ear to ear over his heist. This is such a touching character study and story of one man coming to grips with the death of his "dear Jul" and another coming to grips with the fact that he can't make friends, not even with the guy who came into his pawn shop and was nice and fun. It would be devastating for that person to then come back and threaten you. So, he called the cops and then didn't press charges, is that right?
I really enjoyed this, Jay. One of the best things I've read on this site in the year and a half I've been here.
Where you're talking about the Styrofoam cup, should it be "makes a half-rotation" instead of "make a half-rotation"?
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Ah, the imagery . . . you put the reader right into the scene with your characters.
Great line: The worm of depravity had burrowed deeply into each of our souls, dining and thriving on different diets, but each undeniably corrupt." I hope to be able to write like this when I grow up:-)
I enjoyed the scene in the pawn shop - we get a physical picture of the employee behind the counter, and then we get into the mental gymnastics between the two of them as they try to read each other. Excellent.
What a tribute to Julie - I can imagine she would be smiling from ear to ear over his heist. This is such a touching character study and story of one man coming to grips with the death of his "dear Jul" and another coming to grips with the fact that he can't make friends, not even with the guy who came into his pawn shop and was nice and fun. It would be devastating for that person to then come back and threaten you. So, he called the cops and then didn't press charges, is that right?
I really enjoyed this, Jay. One of the best things I've read on this site in the year and a half I've been here.
Where you're talking about the Styrofoam cup, should it be "makes a half-rotation" instead of "make a half-rotation"?
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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You are right, Eagle-eye-Pam. It has been corrected. Those kind make me pull my hair. It isn't even a subject-object-agreement error, just a dumb oversight. Thanks for pointing it out. More to the point, thanks for your insightful review. You picked up exactly what I wanted laid down!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I enjoyed this story . You involved me immediately. It is hard to get people in here to read a piece more than 1,000 words long. Does that say something about their attention span? Why do they need everything in bite size chunks? When I first got here, unknowingly, I posted " I Really Don't Belong Here". This was almost 9,000w.
60 or so started but only nine finished. The ones that did liked it, but told me I needed to chop it up to be digested by the others. I am still mulling it over. I liked how you did not try to redeem "Buster". The second pawn shop visit was visceral. I was there.
the story is perfection in my own small opinion. I read yours,please go read mine, Tell me what you think. Edit all you like. I actually listen. Karen
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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I enjoyed this story . You involved me immediately. It is hard to get people in here to read a piece more than 1,000 words long. Does that say something about their attention span? Why do they need everything in bite size chunks? When I first got here, unknowingly, I posted " I Really Don't Belong Here". This was almost 9,000w.
60 or so started but only nine finished. The ones that did liked it, but told me I needed to chop it up to be digested by the others. I am still mulling it over. I liked how you did not try to redeem "Buster". The second pawn shop visit was visceral. I was there.
the story is perfection in my own small opinion. I read yours,please go read mine, Tell me what you think. Edit all you like. I actually listen. Karen
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Thank you, Karen, for your astute remarks and for the six stars. Your title sounds familiar. Lord help me if I was one of the 60! I'll have a look-see later today.
Jay
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I am telling you I was feeling the sweat running down the pawn brokers face. How he kept searching for an anchor to hole Buster in. It was 100% real when I was reading it. That is great writing. Jay! Fan me so I can find your stuff easy, I will fan you back. Karen
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Karen, the way it's done so you can have my new posts appear in your queue is to fan me. LOL, I think you have the process reversed.
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I simply thought you would want to read my stuff too. And I was being polite.
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I'm sorry for the confusion, Karen. I thought you weren't aware of how the system works here. I have uploaded the post you suggested I read. I'll finish it later this evening. - JS
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, such a convoluted story with a sprinkle of geek myth, plus the justice has been made kind of thing to end up linear in realizing Julie to the new world.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Wow, such a convoluted story with a sprinkle of geek myth, plus the justice has been made kind of thing to end up linear in realizing Julie to the new world.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much, Iza for wading through this long story, but I hope the experience was good for you.