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An unfortunate late night occurrence42 total reviews
Comment from Bruce Carrington
SPOILER ALERT! Jack was a twenty-five-year-old man still living with his parents. I don't know why but it was the first thought that popped to my head when I read that he jumped into the shower. Good stuff, Sir!
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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SPOILER ALERT! Jack was a twenty-five-year-old man still living with his parents. I don't know why but it was the first thought that popped to my head when I read that he jumped into the shower. Good stuff, Sir!
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you for your alternate end story.
Comment from Ginda Simpson
Absolutely possible! And you told this story well in exactly 100 words. It is always fun to read these flash fictions. Thanks for sharing yours. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Absolutely possible! And you told this story well in exactly 100 words. It is always fun to read these flash fictions. Thanks for sharing yours. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you so much.
Comment from Terry Broxson
LOL, Well, holy C! I must admit that I did not see that coming. This is a very humorous hundred-word flash fiction entry for the contest. It could do well. Excellent. Terry.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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LOL, Well, holy C! I must admit that I did not see that coming. This is a very humorous hundred-word flash fiction entry for the contest. It could do well. Excellent. Terry.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thanks buddy. I appreciate your kind thoughts and wishes.
Comment from Mintybee
This was a good story in 100 words, containing a plot, a sympathetic character, and a relatable problem. Many kids are afraid of storms, and many kids have bathroom accidents. It was easy to feel for Jack, and his parents.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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This was a good story in 100 words, containing a plot, a sympathetic character, and a relatable problem. Many kids are afraid of storms, and many kids have bathroom accidents. It was easy to feel for Jack, and his parents.
Mintybee
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you for your generous comments.
Comment from Sarah Robin
This post brought memories. My young son told me he was afraid of lightning and vacuum cleaners! Watching the children grow up has been one of my greatest pleasures. Thanks for sharing. Well done. Sarah
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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This post brought memories. My young son told me he was afraid of lightning and vacuum cleaners! Watching the children grow up has been one of my greatest pleasures. Thanks for sharing. Well done. Sarah
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you Miss Sarah. I am well pleased by your comments.
Comment from karenina
No kidding! I remember when my kiddos were little... No question that they needed to switch out of some, er, soiled PJs on a scary night of storms or nightmares. This is an adorable 100-word flash...
THIS time it was fiction...but many a parent knows it's been a non-fiction event along the way!
Karenina
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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No kidding! I remember when my kiddos were little... No question that they needed to switch out of some, er, soiled PJs on a scary night of storms or nightmares. This is an adorable 100-word flash...
THIS time it was fiction...but many a parent knows it's been a non-fiction event along the way!
Karenina
Comment Written 25-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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All part of being a parent. No one really prepares you for the unexpected events that add to the memories that come back to you during moments of reflection.
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This is true! With time these are all treasured memories...
(Even the "accidents")
Comment from Spitfire
A cute and believable story. I do recommend you avoid repeating Jack's name so much. In paragraph three use 'He'. Use shorter sentences to heighten tension:
Jack screamed out in terror. His concerned parents burst into his room.
The boy's mom went to console him, but stopped when he begged her not to come closer.
His parents realized why he did not want them to get any closer -- this is repetitious.
Instead: They realized why when Jack shuffled toward the bathroom, hands covering the front of his pajamas.
You can add more words now to make it one hundred.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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A cute and believable story. I do recommend you avoid repeating Jack's name so much. In paragraph three use 'He'. Use shorter sentences to heighten tension:
Jack screamed out in terror. His concerned parents burst into his room.
The boy's mom went to console him, but stopped when he begged her not to come closer.
His parents realized why he did not want them to get any closer -- this is repetitious.
Instead: They realized why when Jack shuffled toward the bathroom, hands covering the front of his pajamas.
You can add more words now to make it one hundred.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you. When I realized that I had 100 words, I decided to enter into the contest and adred not mess with the content.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Oh. Poor Jack. I'm sure that will be the conversation for years to come. We have a similar conversation that comes up every Thanksgiving. Lol. Great flash piece. You took that common expression and you ran with it. Lol. Good luck in the contest. Gretchen
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Oh. Poor Jack. I'm sure that will be the conversation for years to come. We have a similar conversation that comes up every Thanksgiving. Lol. Great flash piece. You took that common expression and you ran with it. Lol. Good luck in the contest. Gretchen
Comment Written 24-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you Gretchen. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from lyenochka
Lol! What a thoughtful kid! I loved your descriptions like "jagged bolt of lightning that frightened Jack, as it resembled a dagger or sword."
I also loved that you didn't say what happened to Jack's pajamas but it was very clear. A super flash fiction! Hope this does well in the contest!
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Lol! What a thoughtful kid! I loved your descriptions like "jagged bolt of lightning that frightened Jack, as it resembled a dagger or sword."
I also loved that you didn't say what happened to Jack's pajamas but it was very clear. A super flash fiction! Hope this does well in the contest!
Comment Written 24-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you dear friend. I appreciate your remarks.
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💖 I'm so glad to see you posting again!
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Thank you for your generously kind comments.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Absolutely entirely possible. Well written. Good work.
Some thunderclaps are close enough and wicked enough to have that affect on adults!
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Absolutely entirely possible. Well written. Good work.
Some thunderclaps are close enough and wicked enough to have that affect on adults!
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023
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Thank you Wayne.
