Reviews from

Melissa's Dream

Deaf or Blind? Contest entry

35 total reviews 
Comment from Loretta Bigg
Excellent
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Very nice entry for the contest. My one suggestion is to keep the whole thing written in the past tense not keep switching back and forth. It's a little confusing to the reader to switch like that, especially in the same sentence. Just a suggestion of course. You can do what you like. It's your story.

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
    Thank you so much! I appreciate your constructive comments. I've made the corrections. I should have picked up on that myself. I love to get reviews like yours. Thanks, again.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Excellent
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What a luminous story, and how beautifully you told it! I feel as if I know Melissa, too, and like and admire her! You are lucky to have each other.

I'm curious about her children: are they able to hear?

I can see this doing great in the contest. Good luck to you!

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
    Her daughters and granddaughter have perfect hearing. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words and good luck wish.
Comment from lancellot
Excellent
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This is a good story of triumph over adversity, and I agree. In a world where sight takes precedence, I would choose the loss of hearing too. Nice way of expanding that through Melissa's account.

Note: I would caution against combining multiple character POV (dialogue and actions) in the same paragraph.

Well done.

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
    Thank you for your review and constructive comments.
Comment from jessizero
Excellent
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This was a very engaging and inspiring story about your friend Melissa. After reading it, I must agree with you about choosing deafness over blindness. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes to you.

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 Comment Written 03-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
    Thank you for your review and best wishes.
Comment from Paul Manton
Excellent
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Well, you have certainly not been dull or predictable in this article. It was absolutely radiant with the love which you have for your friend.
I have reviewed several in this competition, and every time the idea promotes some wonderful stories - just like that of Melissa.
Technically perfect in delivering this story, you have paragraphed it in exactly the most logical way, making it much easier for the reader to comprehend.
The unfolding story of the commute, punctuated by Melissa's hilarious remark - and its results - is just priceless; but then you go on to tell us what a long struggle it was for her to push for normality - what a tenacious and brave woman she was!
I laughed out loud when you mentioned the lip reading of otherwise unrepeatable words from a driver you cut up (surely not?)! What a wonderful friend: without the 'handicap', she would have been remarkable, but to have begun with so many challenges and to have achieved so much, your friend Melissa is a hero.
Thank you for telling about this amazing lady.
Paul

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 Comment Written 03-Jul-2023


reply by the author on 03-Jul-2023
    After reading your review, I'm searching for the words in my dull and predictable vocabulary to express my appreciation without much success. Your review describes Melis perfectly, and I'm sure she would be most humbly grateful...and a bit embarrassed. Thank you.
reply by Paul Manton on 04-Jul-2023
    You are welcome.
    What a wonderful woman!
    Paul