Comment from Lisasview

Excellent

Lovely.fun poem... May I suggest that on L2 you change and to this...
and on L6 I do not think you need FOR twice
you could say for his title to stick..that gets rid of one of the FORS.
L7 here I believe you do not need to repeat THEY... could just say see him twice a year...that gets rid of the second THEY...
I could go on...but I think you get what I am saying..
I do not want to offend you and I hope I did not..just wanted to help...
Lisa, now in Spain

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 Comment Written 18-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023

Lisa you certainly do not offend me . This Poem did some weird changes that almost seemed like it was haunted .of course I'm laying in bed using an Apple Pencil and a finally stopped editing and promoted.Thanks sweet!
And I will look at your -suggestions. Thanks so much!!

reply by Lisasview on 18-Jun-2023

I enjoyed editing some of your poem... I only did it because I liked it and wanted it to be even better.
Lisa

reply by Lisasview on 18-Jun-2023

I enjoyed editing some of your poem... I only did it because I liked it and wanted it to be even better.
Lisa

reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023

Thank you but the problem is I have to keep the words for the meter. Other wise it screws that up. But thanks and I so appreciate what your saying & your feedback,

reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023

I may look again to see if there is another word that world work better .

reply by Lisasview on 18-Jun-2023

Oh, I can think of several... but as I said, it is mostly that you do not need the extra words...

reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023

I did fix a few lines and I think they look better.
LOL you will find that the meter maids come out constantly and fine you if you don't have that right on. They
Do thing different here, had to scrape lost of what I learned in college anyway I do think a fixed it but thanks so much!

reply by Lisasview on 18-Jun-2023

i am going to reread it now

reply by the author on 18-Jun-2023

Thanks Hon. I am going to try to get a couple hours of sleep.

reply by Lisasview on 18-Jun-2023

Good night.. I saw the changes.. glad I was of some help...