Lessons Learned and Spiritual
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Jesus vs satan"Do good and feel good poems
40 total reviews
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your contest entry is excellent, Mystery Author.
Too many times, this style is written with words
that don't rhyme unless one adds an 'ing' to them.
Yours rhymed before adding the 'ing', so that's a
bonus. I like how praying and laying go together
in the line where they're used together--makes perfect
sense. The same is true of the other two words. The way
you used grace/disgrace is awesome. The last 2 lines
work well in parallel structure. Your picture choice is
perfect.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
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Your contest entry is excellent, Mystery Author.
Too many times, this style is written with words
that don't rhyme unless one adds an 'ing' to them.
Yours rhymed before adding the 'ing', so that's a
bonus. I like how praying and laying go together
in the line where they're used together--makes perfect
sense. The same is true of the other two words. The way
you used grace/disgrace is awesome. The last 2 lines
work well in parallel structure. Your picture choice is
perfect.
Thanks for sharing and best wishes in the contest, Jan
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi,
This taibun recaps the mission of Jesus well. It tells how his actions during his ministry helped the world by weakening Satan.
This is a timely poem as we go into Lent and Easter.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good luck in the contest.
Joan
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Hi,
This taibun recaps the mission of Jesus well. It tells how his actions during his ministry helped the world by weakening Satan.
This is a timely poem as we go into Lent and Easter.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good luck in the contest.
Joan
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
Comment from Heather Knight
Your short poem is very creative. I like the parallelism between the first part and the second.
Thanks so much for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Your short poem is very creative. I like the parallelism between the first part and the second.
Thanks so much for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2023
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Thank you so very much Heather for your very lovely review and kind words.
And I truly appreciate your gift of six stars! You are a sweetheart! Thanks again my dear friend!
Comment from Moonbeams Musings 55
Good job, well written. I like how you used prey and pray with their different meanings. satan tries to make us his prey and all we need is pray to God. Thank you for sharing.
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Good job, well written. I like how you used prey and pray with their different meanings. satan tries to make us his prey and all we need is pray to God. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
Comment from Ida T. Johnson
This is quite clever in several ways. The Jesus words are capitalized; satan words are not. You clearly present the 2 choices by appealing to our ego of needing to appear to be both smart & logical: do we want Grace or DISgrace? I DO love this poem & you did an EXCELLENT job of exploiting this ingenious form. However, the1st time I read it, the flow seemed a bit awkward. But as I read it several more times, I realized that the stylized font blended the commas after Praying & preying into the "g", making the 2 lines read/flow differently. Also, for your 2 lines to be structured the same, I think "Jesus" needs to be possessive: Jesus', note apostrophe. This is such a wonderful piece that it truly pains me to give you only 4 stars since it really does need some MINOR improvements for coherence. Good luck!
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2023
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This is quite clever in several ways. The Jesus words are capitalized; satan words are not. You clearly present the 2 choices by appealing to our ego of needing to appear to be both smart & logical: do we want Grace or DISgrace? I DO love this poem & you did an EXCELLENT job of exploiting this ingenious form. However, the1st time I read it, the flow seemed a bit awkward. But as I read it several more times, I realized that the stylized font blended the commas after Praying & preying into the "g", making the 2 lines read/flow differently. Also, for your 2 lines to be structured the same, I think "Jesus" needs to be possessive: Jesus', note apostrophe. This is such a wonderful piece that it truly pains me to give you only 4 stars since it really does need some MINOR improvements for coherence. Good luck!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2023
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Thank you Ida, but you do realize that this was a contest that called for specific syllable allowance. I thought about that, and of course it would be so easy to change satan's to a singular instead of plural, but I know you well enough to know you would not have given a four star rating for that. Does it bother you that I refuse to capitalize satan's name or anything to do with him? That doesn't sound like you either. Did you read my author's notes before deciding? I thought of using different fonts or different font colors also, as I have seen so many do many times in these poems, but I thought I better not stretch my differences out so much, yet there is nothing more different than these two comparisons, so I wish I would have now.. I will change the satan's to satan, or the font, or most anything else. But won't ever budge on the caps. Lol, someone argued with me once that proper nouns must be capped, and I asked what did he find proper about satan? He never did answer me, and was even offering to change my rating to a six if I did, and I didn't do it. I will try the font change and the other, if you will look back and see if you like it better. However so many have praised it, and I do have always thought a lot of your opinion, so will give it a try. Please let me know what you think. Thanks my dear friend.
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I forgot about the syllable count, my bad! I DID say the capitalization decisions were "clever" & effective. Please be rightfully proud of this wonderful piece and stick to your convictions! After all, this is only my opinion (& you know what "they" say about opinions!) Only YOU know what message you want to send. Thanks so much for sharing!
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Just read your makeover. Still great & maintains the correct syllable count!
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Thanks Ida. I appreciate your kindness.. If you feel that that the four stars were inaccurate, it is possible to change them. Only if you feel it is worth five. I just didn't know if you knew that.
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Wasn't aware but I do feel a little sheepish for missing the syllable count! How do I rectify my mistake?
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Don't feel bad Hon. Really!
Just go where you put the rating. Change it and hit save.
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Really, that's all? ok
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Thank you!
Comment from Jessica Wheeler
Excellently done! You followed the criteria and format necessary for the contest and packed your poem with powerful words. Your message is important, and your delivery is fantastic.
Well done
Jessica
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Excellently done! You followed the criteria and format necessary for the contest and packed your poem with powerful words. Your message is important, and your delivery is fantastic.
Well done
Jessica
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
Comment from dellsworthpoet
The poem flows well. The images are clear. The language fits the topic. This piece seems to fit the desired format. The poem stays on topic.
Thanks for a good read.
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The poem flows well. The images are clear. The language fits the topic. This piece seems to fit the desired format. The poem stays on topic.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A poignant write about good and evil with opposite views with the words Grace and Disgrace used in opposing corners. I suppose I never think of satan when I think of Jesus, but your Tyburn Poem is about the fight between good and evil here, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
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A poignant write about good and evil with opposite views with the words Grace and Disgrace used in opposing corners. I suppose I never think of satan when I think of Jesus, but your Tyburn Poem is about the fight between good and evil here, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good artwork and nice presentation.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-You chose a good topic for your poem
and did a good job with the opening words.
-Your closing sentences are also very good,
with effective imagery describing each
and excellent use of internal rhyme and end rhyme.
-A very good entry; good luck!!
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-Good artwork and nice presentation.
-Your notes are appreciated.
-You chose a good topic for your poem
and did a good job with the opening words.
-Your closing sentences are also very good,
with effective imagery describing each
and excellent use of internal rhyme and end rhyme.
-A very good entry; good luck!!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023
Comment from royowen
What a very clever post, I must admit, I love it my friend, a great tyburn poetry entry in this contes. You've cleverly written a most compelling contrast between the promises of God, and the awful alternative of Satan. Well done. Good luck, blessings Roy
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What a very clever post, I must admit, I love it my friend, a great tyburn poetry entry in this contes. You've cleverly written a most compelling contrast between the promises of God, and the awful alternative of Satan. Well done. Good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2023