Heart Crafted Poems - 2023
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "There is time!"Musing of an old man
31 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I believe the piece overall captures the scene near perfectly. That said, I don't think the following is at your best:
stewing and brewing tempest
reminding me of my lonely stewing.
Why? Because of your use of stewing duplicated with the last two lines of stanza two. Couldn't setting replace the ending word?
stewing and brewing tempest
reminding me of my lonely setting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
  |
I believe the piece overall captures the scene near perfectly. That said, I don't think the following is at your best:
stewing and brewing tempest
reminding me of my lonely stewing.
Why? Because of your use of stewing duplicated with the last two lines of stanza two. Couldn't setting replace the ending word?
stewing and brewing tempest
reminding me of my lonely setting.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023
-
Tom oops I pasted my daft, the word should and now is heart thanks!
-
Good. Glad to lend an assist.