The Rock of Mich-uk-isaw
A Tale From Fanny's Grand-Nephew33 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I love the crafted use of dialect. It's noted that some of the dialect has evolved over time, which I 'spect would be case. You have strong metaphors & similes to draw the reader in. I love theimage of the last line: "I glance back at the night-glazed car winder, crazy-grinnin' t'ward a face prob'ly smilin' back, ahind thet glaze."
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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I love the crafted use of dialect. It's noted that some of the dialect has evolved over time, which I 'spect would be case. You have strong metaphors & similes to draw the reader in. I love theimage of the last line: "I glance back at the night-glazed car winder, crazy-grinnin' t'ward a face prob'ly smilin' back, ahind thet glaze."
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Many thanks, Liz. Especially for the metaphors and similes. There's not much room for them in 250 words. And yes, I was rather proud of that last line, myself. Strangely, I've had people wondering who was behind that glazed window ....
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Yes, I've gotten the cold thank you from some I've spend a good amount ot time praising them for their word usage, etc. or something I know they copy & pasted to use for every review.
Comment from lyenochka
You really got a hang of that that dialect speech, Jay! I am not too clear as to what happened. Was that pastor's visit in the evening related to Sarah "starting to show"? I am guessing she's pregnant and that's why she needed to go to the bathroom? But I think her grandma also might have to go often, too. Was Sarah already pregnant when she started to live with her grandma?
Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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You really got a hang of that that dialect speech, Jay! I am not too clear as to what happened. Was that pastor's visit in the evening related to Sarah "starting to show"? I am guessing she's pregnant and that's why she needed to go to the bathroom? But I think her grandma also might have to go often, too. Was Sarah already pregnant when she started to live with her grandma?
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Hi, Helen. I purposely left open several possibilities when I wrote this, not the one, though about the Grandmother needing the restroom. But yes, whether she was already pregnant when she moved there was a possibility. I wouldn't want to say more.
Thanks, as usual, for reading and for responding from a level that shows you spent some time with it.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
You did a good job with the prompt as the word count is accurate. This is a good contest entry that should do well. The amount of slang used is borderline too much, but given the length of the story it works. Often flash stores read a little awkwardly, but this does not. You chose your words carefully and told a complete story with them.
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reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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You did a good job with the prompt as the word count is accurate. This is a good contest entry that should do well. The amount of slang used is borderline too much, but given the length of the story it works. Often flash stores read a little awkwardly, but this does not. You chose your words carefully and told a complete story with them.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jun-2022
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Thank you, K.L. Yes, I put a great deal of time into it. You were very kind in your feelings about the story. I hope others find it entertaining as well.