Go Away Please
An unwelcome guest50 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Nothing good ever comes from leaving an outside door cracked for the cat(s). I catsat for a couple of weeks while a neighbor was away and was surprised to find a black snack curled up on her back porch when I entered to feed the cat - it had come in through the cat door.
Charming story with a nice little twist at the end - great read. Good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Nothing good ever comes from leaving an outside door cracked for the cat(s). I catsat for a couple of weeks while a neighbor was away and was surprised to find a black snack curled up on her back porch when I entered to feed the cat - it had come in through the cat door.
Charming story with a nice little twist at the end - great read. Good luck!
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I think a snake would be almost as bad as a skunk. My husband left the door open early one morning and one of my cats started bringing in nightcrawlers. They were all over the kitchen floor when we got up later. I didn't appreciate that much. Hugs
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL! That was so funny, and a most definitely unwelcome visitor! Goodness me, I'd send my hubby to the dog house had he left the door open and gone to bed!! I enjoyed your clever story, it was worrying all the way through, until we discovered what it was! Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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LOL! That was so funny, and a most definitely unwelcome visitor! Goodness me, I'd send my hubby to the dog house had he left the door open and gone to bed!! I enjoyed your clever story, it was worrying all the way through, until we discovered what it was! Well done and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you. My husband did have a habit of leaving the door open for the cats. Luckily, we never had any unwanted visitors. Hugs
Comment from Whitewave
This is very clever - so funny and so well written - and really could be real.
Even to the very end, I didn't guess who the unwelcome visitor was. The cat is picture perfect.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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This is very clever - so funny and so well written - and really could be real.
Even to the very end, I didn't guess who the unwelcome visitor was. The cat is picture perfect.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you. My husband did leave the door open for the cats sometimes. We never had any unwelcome visitors thouth. Hugs
Comment from Wendy G
You wrote your story clearly and well, and the last sentence was a delightful twist, after the build-up and increasing tension! Yes, the skunk does have a weapon!
(I had to laugh at the beginning as I have numerous times been the one to investigate noises, not my husband, as sleeps through everything!) Sending best wishes for your excellent piece!
Wendy
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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You wrote your story clearly and well, and the last sentence was a delightful twist, after the build-up and increasing tension! Yes, the skunk does have a weapon!
(I had to laugh at the beginning as I have numerous times been the one to investigate noises, not my husband, as sleeps through everything!) Sending best wishes for your excellent piece!
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you and thanks for the six stars, the are appreciated. Hugs
Comment from tfawcus
I like the way you have gradually increased the tension as the story progresses and withheld the identity of the intruder until the very end. A well-constructed tale. However, the contest asks for 400-600 words and your entry is 352 words. Perhaps you have time to flesh it out a bit more before the contest closes in 20 hours' time. It would be worth it, for you have a strong entry in all other respects.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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I like the way you have gradually increased the tension as the story progresses and withheld the identity of the intruder until the very end. A well-constructed tale. However, the contest asks for 400-600 words and your entry is 352 words. Perhaps you have time to flesh it out a bit more before the contest closes in 20 hours' time. It would be worth it, for you have a strong entry in all other respects.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you. Thanks for the tip too. I will see where I can add another fifty words. Hugs
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You are right. He is definitely armed and dangerous. It is certainly not a nighttime occurrence anyone wants to face. You did a good job of telling the story, building the tension, and finishing with a flourish. Best of luck in the you are not welcome writing contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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You are right. He is definitely armed and dangerous. It is certainly not a nighttime occurrence anyone wants to face. You did a good job of telling the story, building the tension, and finishing with a flourish. Best of luck in the you are not welcome writing contest.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you. It was a fun story to write.
Comment from Jay Squires
Quite an inventive story. I wouldn't give it away though by the author notes. Some readers glance at them before the story.
He seems as startled as me, [He seemed as startled as I. The test is to complete the thought with "am". You wouldn't say, "He seemed as startled as me am.]
A skunk is never a welcome visitor. [OH! I get it. The odor was his weapon. Duh!]
A clever story. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Quite an inventive story. I wouldn't give it away though by the author notes. Some readers glance at them before the story.
He seems as startled as me, [He seemed as startled as I. The test is to complete the thought with "am". You wouldn't say, "He seemed as startled as me am.]
A skunk is never a welcome visitor. [OH! I get it. The odor was his weapon. Duh!]
A clever story. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you and thanks for the grammer reminder. Sometimes I forget when I'm in the middle of a story. I will edit and correct. Hugs.
Comment from writer723
This is a very interesting story and a fine offering for the contest. I felt drawn in by the scenario from beginning to end. Your descriptions and depictions were vivid and detailed. Great job!
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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This is a very interesting story and a fine offering for the contest. I felt drawn in by the scenario from beginning to end. Your descriptions and depictions were vivid and detailed. Great job!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading and your kind comments. Hugs.
Comment from nomi338
You had me going for the first few moments of the story. I was seeing some masked intruder, likely armed with a gun or knife, intent on robbing the household and maybe even causing a measure of harm to the family. Making the intruder a skunk was a stroke of genius.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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You had me going for the first few moments of the story. I was seeing some masked intruder, likely armed with a gun or knife, intent on robbing the household and maybe even causing a measure of harm to the family. Making the intruder a skunk was a stroke of genius.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you. I love writing funny stories with a twist. I just wish my muse would send them to me more often. Thank you for your kind words. Hugs
Comment from joann r romei
This was a cute ending, I realized it had to be an animal of some sort, but a skunk? pee u!!! lol Good luck in the contest. no errors noted in the work.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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This was a cute ending, I realized it had to be an animal of some sort, but a skunk? pee u!!! lol Good luck in the contest. no errors noted in the work.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. A skunk would be an unwelcome guest for sure. Hugs
