Unravelled - the story of me
the unvarnished truth34 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Certainly is a hodge-podge of this and that written within. Had my head spinning from beginning to end. trying to write the full story would be interesting and challenging as the stories imbedded seem to cross here and there collectively.
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reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Certainly is a hodge-podge of this and that written within. Had my head spinning from beginning to end. trying to write the full story would be interesting and challenging as the stories imbedded seem to cross here and there collectively.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Many thanks, Tom. G
Comment from Jay Squires
It appears you've been following your own advice on showing, not telling. You showed more than I was prepared to accept. Some powerful writing. I'm glad Avril pulled through, although you and she both must have lived through agonizing memories of it.
Being an ordained minister and starting a cult. Now that was an unexpected frontal attack. An actual cult! Were you a believer? Or a power seeker? (You do know that inappropriate questions like that are fair game when you write an autobiography.) That said, your honesty being what it is, I think you'll be able to weather it. Go for it. I'll be the first in line to buy a copy.
A few pieces of spag and a comment as I read along:
I ust wanted my dad, [oops!]
and thee thundering of hundreds of pairs of terrified feet. [and THE thundering ...]
Okay. In fiction, it's always good to start with a definite hook. [You certainly did it here ... three times over!]
Here's some plot-points - [HERE'RE though awkward]
The six is for the astounding quality of the prose, once the spags are sanded away.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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It appears you've been following your own advice on showing, not telling. You showed more than I was prepared to accept. Some powerful writing. I'm glad Avril pulled through, although you and she both must have lived through agonizing memories of it.
Being an ordained minister and starting a cult. Now that was an unexpected frontal attack. An actual cult! Were you a believer? Or a power seeker? (You do know that inappropriate questions like that are fair game when you write an autobiography.) That said, your honesty being what it is, I think you'll be able to weather it. Go for it. I'll be the first in line to buy a copy.
A few pieces of spag and a comment as I read along:
I ust wanted my dad, [oops!]
and thee thundering of hundreds of pairs of terrified feet. [and THE thundering ...]
Okay. In fiction, it's always good to start with a definite hook. [You certainly did it here ... three times over!]
Here's some plot-points - [HERE'RE though awkward]
The six is for the astounding quality of the prose, once the spags are sanded away.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Much appreciated, as always, Jay. the cult thing started as a bit of a joke and it was in my church, before I was a minister. In my younger days, I was quite popular and the higher ups didn't like it, so it sort of snowballed from there! lol
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
Not sure what to say to be honest. That was powerful and emotional - and to find out it was true.....
Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
As for what to do with it, - I personally find autobiographies rather dull. In a novel, you can perhaps say a lot more without worrying about upsetting too many people. Whatever you do, you should be getting published in better places than FanStory.
Best of luck.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Not sure what to say to be honest. That was powerful and emotional - and to find out it was true.....
Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
As for what to do with it, - I personally find autobiographies rather dull. In a novel, you can perhaps say a lot more without worrying about upsetting too many people. Whatever you do, you should be getting published in better places than FanStory.
Best of luck.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Many thanks for the great response to this, Malcolm. Fanstory is a fun place for me to try things out. I am traditionally published in various magazine & anthologies. I juts received my fourth honorary mention from the writer's of the future of the contest (you should check that out if you haven't already).
I'm with you on the autobiographical dullness. lol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I do hope you write your story. I think it would not only be a good read, you're a very good author, but therapudic for you and will help others who've lived through similar incidences. Good luck with the contest.
I ust wanted my dad, but that wasn't going to happen. (just???)
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reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I do hope you write your story. I think it would not only be a good read, you're a very good author, but therapudic for you and will help others who've lived through similar incidences. Good luck with the contest.
I ust wanted my dad, but that wasn't going to happen. (just???)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2022
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Many thanks, barbara. G