The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Return Chapter 3"Erotic Turmoil
42 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-this is a very good chapter, Sandra.
-I like the camaraderie between Bessie and Margot.
-Bessie is very helpful and joyful.
-The investigation into the trunks proved interesting,
especially the wedding dress and images
going through Margot's mind.
-The house is full of surprises as Margot continues to investigate.
-The diary will be interesting, and the Bible
revealed some unusual coincidences.
-Margot also gets the sense the house is
changing a lot as to furniture and where things are.
-It is a good mystery!
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
  |
-this is a very good chapter, Sandra.
-I like the camaraderie between Bessie and Margot.
-Bessie is very helpful and joyful.
-The investigation into the trunks proved interesting,
especially the wedding dress and images
going through Margot's mind.
-The house is full of surprises as Margot continues to investigate.
-The diary will be interesting, and the Bible
revealed some unusual coincidences.
-Margot also gets the sense the house is
changing a lot as to furniture and where things are.
-It is a good mystery!
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
Thank you so much, Pam. The story is starting to take shape now, and soon you'll know where it's going. I'm so glad you enjoyed this part, there is quite a bit more for Margot to discover before she understands what's happening. The diary is important, as was the Bible. Bessie does have a big part to play in this as well. So, watch this space!! Lol. Thank you for the lovely golden star, my dear friend and the wonderful review. Have a great week. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
-
You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Sandra. The diary just brought back a reminder of Veronica and Mildred and the diary they wrote in to help the granddaughter, I think it was. How long do I have to watch the space?:):)
Comment from nancy_e_davis
This is going to be another great Ghost story from you now isn't it. You did write one in the past didn't you? I am totally into this one. you can count on it. LOL Well done Sandra. xxx Nancy
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
This is going to be another great Ghost story from you now isn't it. You did write one in the past didn't you? I am totally into this one. you can count on it. LOL Well done Sandra. xxx Nancy
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
Yes it is, but with a difference. Lol. Thank you so much, my dearest Nancy. Your reviews mean such a lot when I consider how hard it is for you to read. Thank you so much for this golden sixth star and lovely review. I really appreciate you, my friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from damommy
I like Bessie very much. Hmmmm. Birthday in four weeks. We'll just see what happens then. I don't much like the ghost. He seems a bit evil. Margot's going to get drawn into something she'll wish she hadn't, I suspect.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
I like Bessie very much. Hmmmm. Birthday in four weeks. We'll just see what happens then. I don't much like the ghost. He seems a bit evil. Margot's going to get drawn into something she'll wish she hadn't, I suspect.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
The birthday has a lot of significance in this story, dear SATP. And, yes, Bessie is a lovely lady and will always be there for Margot. As you will soon be finding out. I love it that you are enjoying this story. Thank you so very much for the golden star and lovely review. Love you loads, dear sister. Are you around tomorrow? Call me when you're ready. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
-
I will.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
More intrigue to this already mysterious story. I enjoyed reading. So now we find our more about Margot. She's in some type of time warp with this mysterious lover. I am so enjoying this.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
More intrigue to this already mysterious story. I enjoyed reading. So now we find our more about Margot. She's in some type of time warp with this mysterious lover. I am so enjoying this.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
Yes, she is in some kind of time warp, but not the way she'll be thinking. Margot will be learning a lot more about her and Meg in the next few weeks before their birthdays. Thank you so much for the lovely review, Barbara, and that golden sixth star! I really appreciate both. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I enjoy reading this chapter, which it's mysterious and pulls me in. Haha. I knew English prefers tea, me, too. Recently I discover that if you put some shaved ginger, turmeric powder, ground black pepper and oat milk into the coffee, it tastes much better.
Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
 |
I enjoy reading this chapter, which it's mysterious and pulls me in. Haha. I knew English prefers tea, me, too. Recently I discover that if you put some shaved ginger, turmeric powder, ground black pepper and oat milk into the coffee, it tastes much better.
Well done.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
I'll have to try that! Yes, the English are known for their love of tea, but some are becoming more coffee lovers these days. I prefer coffee to tea these days. Thank you so much for reading this chapter, and the lovely review and stars. I really appreciate both. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sandra, I've never heard that about coffee. That's interesting. Now, this is an interesting chapter and it raises more questions than answers. I love the way you look let us see glimpses of what Margot appears to be remembering from a distant past. And now the name, Meg appears in the Bible sharing the same birthday as Margot. And Meg died when she was 29, the same same age Margot is now, Spooky. No pun intended.LoL
,which pleased Margot no end: this is a cliche, I would remove ' no end' = , which Margot was very pleased about. Just a suggestion.
Now, I can't wait to learn what's next. A big hug, Ullaxxx
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
Hi Sandra, I've never heard that about coffee. That's interesting. Now, this is an interesting chapter and it raises more questions than answers. I love the way you look let us see glimpses of what Margot appears to be remembering from a distant past. And now the name, Meg appears in the Bible sharing the same birthday as Margot. And Meg died when she was 29, the same same age Margot is now, Spooky. No pun intended.LoL
,which pleased Margot no end: this is a cliche, I would remove ' no end' = , which Margot was very pleased about. Just a suggestion.
Now, I can't wait to learn what's next. A big hug, Ullaxxx
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
Aw, thank you, Ulla, I'll do that. I try not to put cliche's in my writing, but sometimes they just slip in.
Thank you so much for this helpful and very encouraging review, I really appreciate it. And, the sixth star! That gets you an extra hug!!! Love you lots, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
-
They do, slip in, it's so easy done. Haha, hugs back to you. I love this story. Ulla🥰
Comment from Pantygynt
This is setting up the situation for a real cracker of a story, which will surely take you to the top of the list. I like the way you have her talking to herself I do it quite a bit both in my writing and in real life. It makes ffor more show and less tell. but you have me hooked anyway with this chapter.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
This is setting up the situation for a real cracker of a story, which will surely take you to the top of the list. I like the way you have her talking to herself I do it quite a bit both in my writing and in real life. It makes ffor more show and less tell. but you have me hooked anyway with this chapter.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
I'm so glad you think so, Jim, thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm always nervous posting new chapters. I talk to myself a lot, too!! Lol, so we have quite a lot in common. Thank you, dear friend for the lovely sixth star, it means a lot coming from you. Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of this particular chapter of your work reminisces Margot's exploration of her newly acquired house and how it brought her to the surprising realisation that there was a Meg, born same date with her, but a hundred and thirty five years her senior; and more surprising to her, Meg died, when she was twenty four years old, which is her current age.
The work highlights her lover's mention of the name, Meg; his allusions to their getting united forever; and how the resurgence of the name, Meg in her new house only brings to the fore the coming of an impending sinister occurrence.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of seemingly supernatural anecdotes.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
The objective correlative of this particular chapter of your work reminisces Margot's exploration of her newly acquired house and how it brought her to the surprising realisation that there was a Meg, born same date with her, but a hundred and thirty five years her senior; and more surprising to her, Meg died, when she was twenty four years old, which is her current age.
The work highlights her lover's mention of the name, Meg; his allusions to their getting united forever; and how the resurgence of the name, Meg in her new house only brings to the fore the coming of an impending sinister occurrence.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of seemingly supernatural anecdotes.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
Thank you so very much for this amazing review, Lloyd! I'm over the moon that you enjoyed it so much. I've had to change their ages to 29, to make if fall into place. That's what I love about all you reviewers on Fanstory, you always find what I miss. Reading your review gave me a buzz and I thank you so very much for it. The sixth golden star is the icing on the cake, and I'm chuffed to bits! Thank you! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
-
Remain Blessed.
Comment from Begin Again
Stirring the cobwebs in the characters' minds as well as the reader. If I get it right, it appears as she was to be married, something happened to the groom. And then she is galloping after I assume the groom again as he races away..... yet he is now preparing to restart life with her maybe on her birthday. And with part of the house coming and going.... I am afraid the for sale sign would be back outside and I would be gone.
Good job my friend. Thinking of you as always. Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
Stirring the cobwebs in the characters' minds as well as the reader. If I get it right, it appears as she was to be married, something happened to the groom. And then she is galloping after I assume the groom again as he races away..... yet he is now preparing to restart life with her maybe on her birthday. And with part of the house coming and going.... I am afraid the for sale sign would be back outside and I would be gone.
Good job my friend. Thinking of you as always. Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
LOL!! Good guesses, Carol, but wrong! I've been wondering where you'd gone, it's been almost a week since you last posted. Are you alright? Stupid question, I know.
Thank you, dear friend, for this lovely review, and the golden star. I'm so pleased you are still following the story. Love you lots, dear friend. :)) Sandra xx
-
I would never miss your posts. I have tests everyday next week and on top of that DCFS closed the case, the family were back together, Kaitlyn apologized. Things looked better until a letter arrived say "YaYa" had convinced the grand jury to take a second look. I give up!!
-
Oh, NO!! That is so not fair, not when everything seemed to be sorted. If they want you to be the piggy-in-the-middle again, say NO!! Give me their address, I'll write to them! Aw, Carol, keep your chin up. It can only get better. xxxxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
another good instalment -
few things I noticed as I read through-
looking at all the stuff there was there in the attic. - delete the second use of 'there'.
This one wasn't going to reveal it's contents quite - its (shocking! lol)
Hmm.. this may seem minor but I was struck by the use of as, especially in the earlier sections -
happy to continue as housekeeper, / Bessie told her as they both stood / certain items as she held them up./ quite as easily as the others / cheery thumbs up as it fell away. / Bessie said, as she watched Margot / As Margot sat back on her haunches - there's more but these all occur within the first 350 words or so - watch out for that.
With three elegant crystal glasses, each selected for whichever drink was chosen, suggested to Margot, this person drank alone.- this sounded a little off to me. I think it's the use of With along with suggested to. It's a bit awkward. maybe change suggested to Margot to something like Margot surmise? Just a thought. See what you think.
Realising it was a young ladies diary,- I thin if should be lady's here unless it's written by multiple women...
And my birthday is in four weeks time....- week's.
This id definitely just me but I'm going to say it anyway. The age of 24 threw me. I thought she was older than that. I did go back but couldn't find an age. What me think this was in chapter one it says she walked past the agent's window for five years. Meaning she was 19 then. That felt a bit young to me to be working in the bank and living in her flat as this would have been a first job I assume. She hadn't been to University so her salary couldn't have been that high either. no one will probably think of this but it did strike me.
The plot thickens. I'll bet there's something about Bessie right off the bat...
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
|
Hi Sandra,
another good instalment -
few things I noticed as I read through-
looking at all the stuff there was there in the attic. - delete the second use of 'there'.
This one wasn't going to reveal it's contents quite - its (shocking! lol)
Hmm.. this may seem minor but I was struck by the use of as, especially in the earlier sections -
happy to continue as housekeeper, / Bessie told her as they both stood / certain items as she held them up./ quite as easily as the others / cheery thumbs up as it fell away. / Bessie said, as she watched Margot / As Margot sat back on her haunches - there's more but these all occur within the first 350 words or so - watch out for that.
With three elegant crystal glasses, each selected for whichever drink was chosen, suggested to Margot, this person drank alone.- this sounded a little off to me. I think it's the use of With along with suggested to. It's a bit awkward. maybe change suggested to Margot to something like Margot surmise? Just a thought. See what you think.
Realising it was a young ladies diary,- I thin if should be lady's here unless it's written by multiple women...
And my birthday is in four weeks time....- week's.
This id definitely just me but I'm going to say it anyway. The age of 24 threw me. I thought she was older than that. I did go back but couldn't find an age. What me think this was in chapter one it says she walked past the agent's window for five years. Meaning she was 19 then. That felt a bit young to me to be working in the bank and living in her flat as this would have been a first job I assume. She hadn't been to University so her salary couldn't have been that high either. no one will probably think of this but it did strike me.
The plot thickens. I'll bet there's something about Bessie right off the bat...
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2022
-
I'm so glad you reviewed this early on, what a wally! I've made her 29 now. :)) I've changed the other nits you picked up on, and now I'm going to check my usage of 'As' in my MS Word copy and then paste it over. It's weird, but now you've mentioned it, I can see them all! How come I couldn't before??? Bessie? Hmm, lol. Thanks so much for this great review, Gareth. I really appreciate it. Sending a humongous hug. :) Sandra xx
-
my pleasure :)