Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Betrayal Chapter 27"In the title.
47 total reviews
Comment from Pantygynt
Not just one but two romances I can sense are in the making here. This is great escapist stuff, millionaires, SAS, the Bahamas and an evil opposition just waiting to get even. Great holiday reading for when we care allowed back on holiday. I think you have the makings of a very commercial piece here.
Let yourself go on the food but describe it as the story develops. Meals shared are excellent opportunities for good dialogue.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Not just one but two romances I can sense are in the making here. This is great escapist stuff, millionaires, SAS, the Bahamas and an evil opposition just waiting to get even. Great holiday reading for when we care allowed back on holiday. I think you have the makings of a very commercial piece here.
Let yourself go on the food but describe it as the story develops. Meals shared are excellent opportunities for good dialogue.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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I'll do that, Jim. Thank you so much for this very flattering review and the wonderful sixth star. You have made my day! Thanks, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
You are upside down again! lol.
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Not to me, I can assure you.
Comment from blondie560
Awesome chapter Sandra! I like the Monica-Jeff story very much. A couple of things I chuckled at: Starting out on your own will be a doddle.' is like saying a piece of cake? And this one: You really lost your rag ... no, worse than that, you went ballistic! Lost your rag? Like lost your cool? I like learning all of the different sayings! I have all kinds of plot points going through my head with this new development of the mystery man hired by Colin's mother. Will you be posting next Sunday for Easter? If not a wish you a blessed holiday. I'm going to be able to get my mother from the assisted living facility and bring her to my house for the day. It will be the first time my kids will have seen her in over a year. Christmas of 2019. A lot has changed since then. Have a lovely week. Take care! Sally
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Awesome chapter Sandra! I like the Monica-Jeff story very much. A couple of things I chuckled at: Starting out on your own will be a doddle.' is like saying a piece of cake? And this one: You really lost your rag ... no, worse than that, you went ballistic! Lost your rag? Like lost your cool? I like learning all of the different sayings! I have all kinds of plot points going through my head with this new development of the mystery man hired by Colin's mother. Will you be posting next Sunday for Easter? If not a wish you a blessed holiday. I'm going to be able to get my mother from the assisted living facility and bring her to my house for the day. It will be the first time my kids will have seen her in over a year. Christmas of 2019. A lot has changed since then. Have a lovely week. Take care! Sally
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Hi, Sally, and yes, you have interpreted both those expressions perfectly! You not only get to read my story, but you're also learning a new language as well!!! LOL. Thank you so much for this lovely review and the shiny sixth star, you always make me smile. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Sandra, things are getting worse by the minute. While Monica and Jeff seem to become a couple, (which is lovely and so well depicted. I loved that bit.) Grant's mother seems to be as mad and or as evil as Colin. Yes, Monica is definitely not safe on her own. And meanwhile Grant and Tania are safe for now. It's indeed the calm before the storm. A big hug. Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Wow, Sandra, things are getting worse by the minute. While Monica and Jeff seem to become a couple, (which is lovely and so well depicted. I loved that bit.) Grant's mother seems to be as mad and or as evil as Colin. Yes, Monica is definitely not safe on her own. And meanwhile Grant and Tania are safe for now. It's indeed the calm before the storm. A big hug. Ulla xxx
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much, Ulla, for reading this part. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Yes, Grant's mother is just as nasty. I really pleased you liked how Jeff and Monica are becoming more of a couple. Now to get it all sorted. Thank you for the lovely sixth star, my friend. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra xxx
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It's so well deserved. xxx
Comment from muffinmama
Aha! I knew it was too quiet and calm to last.
Grant is doing everything right but his mother is keeping the pressure on. According to Jeff's description of the hired 'bastard', no one is safe quite yet; the danger is escalating.
The possible potential romance track between Monica and Jeff is entertaining.
Some typos, and a couple of recommendations:
- "... plus the Bahamas were five hours behind London..." Something about this clause sounded incorrect. I think it might be my tech writing training, where we need to adhere to parallel construction, in which case, "were" would be "being" to conform with "taking" in the previous clause.
- "It hadn't appeared to have affected him at all." I'm not sure why you used the past perfect instead of the simple past.
- "... willingly introduced her lips to his." This sentence broke my concentration because of the verb. I'm not sure which verb would sound more natural (pressed?), but "introduced" didn't do it for me.
- "Sitting in the Starbucks across the road, is..." No need for a comma here.
- Monica's face tilted up and looked into his eyes..." You need 'when she' after 'and'.
- "... serious stuff out the..." missing 'of' after 'out'
- "... time off or, lets..." No need for the comma.
This is getting more and more interesting :-)
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Aha! I knew it was too quiet and calm to last.
Grant is doing everything right but his mother is keeping the pressure on. According to Jeff's description of the hired 'bastard', no one is safe quite yet; the danger is escalating.
The possible potential romance track between Monica and Jeff is entertaining.
Some typos, and a couple of recommendations:
- "... plus the Bahamas were five hours behind London..." Something about this clause sounded incorrect. I think it might be my tech writing training, where we need to adhere to parallel construction, in which case, "were" would be "being" to conform with "taking" in the previous clause.
- "It hadn't appeared to have affected him at all." I'm not sure why you used the past perfect instead of the simple past.
- "... willingly introduced her lips to his." This sentence broke my concentration because of the verb. I'm not sure which verb would sound more natural (pressed?), but "introduced" didn't do it for me.
- "Sitting in the Starbucks across the road, is..." No need for a comma here.
- Monica's face tilted up and looked into his eyes..." You need 'when she' after 'and'.
- "... serious stuff out the..." missing 'of' after 'out'
- "... time off or, lets..." No need for the comma.
This is getting more and more interesting :-)
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much, my friend, I've sorted all these out now, I'm so pleased you checked it over for me. It was so kind of you. I'm delighted you are still enjoying my story, I really do appreciate your support. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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I'm so happy you're still my friend after I played English teacher correcting compositions!
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You may play English teacher with my work any time, my friend! I tried to nominate you, but I'd used all six and didn't have any left. So, next time! Honestly, I really appreciated the time you put into correcting my grammar. How could I not? :)) xxx
Comment from RGstar
Nicely done Sandra.
I decided to have a look a few times to see if I can catch up in order to give this the attention it deserves.
Good balanced writing. A social chapter, from perhaps a social theme, which makes knowing the story all the more important.
Well balanced and routined...in good hands.
Bravo.
Best wishes.
Have a great week.
RG
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Nicely done Sandra.
I decided to have a look a few times to see if I can catch up in order to give this the attention it deserves.
Good balanced writing. A social chapter, from perhaps a social theme, which makes knowing the story all the more important.
Well balanced and routined...in good hands.
Bravo.
Best wishes.
Have a great week.
RG
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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That is so nice of you, RG, I really appreciate that. Your comments are very encouraging and I value them highly. Thank you so much! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Ben Colder
Well a hit man is on the scene. Good work here in this story.
When she leaned over to look, the mouth-watering aromas stormed her nostrils and made her tummy growl. Grant laughed while Tania blushed. 'I take it a bit of everything would go down well?' he teased.
Excellent.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Well a hit man is on the scene. Good work here in this story.
When she leaned over to look, the mouth-watering aromas stormed her nostrils and made her tummy growl. Grant laughed while Tania blushed. 'I take it a bit of everything would go down well?' he teased.
Excellent.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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I'm so pleased you liked that part. It's what generally happens to me, and it's so embarrassing when others hear. Thank you so much, my dear Chuck, for this lovely review and the golden star. I always appreciate you, my dear friend. Warm hugs and have a lovely week! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from damommy
Both girls have found wonderful, caring men, but what a strange way to me them. lol. I'm glad Jeff is taking steps to protect Monica better. I hope when it all comes to a head, the mother is prosecuted, too, for her part in all this.
- Great line - introduced her lips to his!!!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Both girls have found wonderful, caring men, but what a strange way to me them. lol. I'm glad Jeff is taking steps to protect Monica better. I hope when it all comes to a head, the mother is prosecuted, too, for her part in all this.
- Great line - introduced her lips to his!!!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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I'm glad you liked that line, Yvonne, I tested it out on Graham to see what he thought. There are a few things coming up and the men will be ready. Thank you my dear SATP, you are the best sister ever! Warm hugs and lots of love. Sandra xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Oh, it just gets better and better. The girls are both in capable, safe hands. Colin and his mother might live to regret it if they carry their idea of revenge any farther. Well done, Sandra. Nancyð???ð???
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Oh, it just gets better and better. The girls are both in capable, safe hands. Colin and his mother might live to regret it if they carry their idea of revenge any farther. Well done, Sandra. Nancyð???ð???
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Bless your lovely heart, Nancy, thank you so much for this amazing review, I'm glad you are enjoying my double romance book!! Lol. I hope you'll enjoy what's coming up in the next few chapters. Thanks so much for that lovely sixth star, my friend, you are so kind. Warm hugs, and lots of love, Sandra xxx
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You're welcome, Dear. I am only reviewing the book's I have been following. I am not well at all. Good job on this book. Nancy:)
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Oh, Nancy! What's happening to you now? Getting older is not in the least bit funny. Is it your breathing? You're going to be staying in my prayers, my dear friend. xxxxxx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I like Jeff's directness and I like him and Monica together. We're getting to romances for the price of one. It can't get any better than that. LOL I love the story. I went back to make sure I gave you a six and it was on a four. I am glad I checked.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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I like Jeff's directness and I like him and Monica together. We're getting to romances for the price of one. It can't get any better than that. LOL I love the story. I went back to make sure I gave you a six and it was on a four. I am glad I checked.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Aw, bless you. I make sure I double-check now because it's happened to me so many times. Thank you so much, Barbara. Yes, I thought, why not have two romances in this book, it'll make a change! Lol, I'm glad you like it. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great chapter and you've ended with another hook, leaving me craving more. If this were a book I were reading before bed, I'd be sleep deprived. The banter and growing relationship between Monica and Jeff is really well done.
Just a couple of things:
"...plus the Bahamas are five hours behind London, Tania found herself walking around..." [watch out for past tense vs present tense. The story is being told in past tense, so "the Bahamas were five hours behind...]
'I think a pre-dinner aperitif is...' [The definition of aperitif is 'pre dinner drink' so this is a bit redundant. Either aperitif, or a pre-dinner drink.]
Great story and you've managed to up the tension again. Good job.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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Great chapter and you've ended with another hook, leaving me craving more. If this were a book I were reading before bed, I'd be sleep deprived. The banter and growing relationship between Monica and Jeff is really well done.
Just a couple of things:
"...plus the Bahamas are five hours behind London, Tania found herself walking around..." [watch out for past tense vs present tense. The story is being told in past tense, so "the Bahamas were five hours behind...]
'I think a pre-dinner aperitif is...' [The definition of aperitif is 'pre dinner drink' so this is a bit redundant. Either aperitif, or a pre-dinner drink.]
Great story and you've managed to up the tension again. Good job.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2021
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What a lovely compliment, thank you so much! I'm so pleased you spotted those errors, I've made the corrections and am most grateful to you for pointing them out. I'm so pleased you are enjoying my story and liked the way I've written the growing relationship between Monica and Jeff. It's lovely to know when I've got it right. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx