Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Betrayal Chapter 20"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from blondie560
Oh I can't wait til next week's installment! This one was good! Grant has good friends that look out for him. It will be interesting to see what Colin has to say for himself and how he'll try and twist it to claim his innocence. I doubt he just goes away quietly. Thanks for warming my below zero day here. I hope you're still improving daily. Have a good week! Sally
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Oh I can't wait til next week's installment! This one was good! Grant has good friends that look out for him. It will be interesting to see what Colin has to say for himself and how he'll try and twist it to claim his innocence. I doubt he just goes away quietly. Thanks for warming my below zero day here. I hope you're still improving daily. Have a good week! Sally
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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You have obviously got into Colin's mind, Sally! Lol. No, lots of things are coming up. Thank you so much for this wonderful review, and all those stars. You're such a lovely lady. Yes, my shingles are easing off nicely now. You have no idea the relief I've been feeling. Thanks for asking, my friend. We have temperatures here just like yours, it's FREEZING!! Sending you a warm hug! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from aryr
Wow, an amazing continuation chapter, Sandra. It was ingenious thinking on Grant's part to bring the good old boys in. Because of them they were thus able to track Colin's car and find Tania. Nobody was even remotely prepared for the sight of her. Colin had beaten her intensely, just as Grant planned to do, only to have Reg interrupt him. It was a nice touch to include the thought of his mother and of his rearrangement of his half-brothers face. It made him smile. Smiles, hugs and blessings.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Wow, an amazing continuation chapter, Sandra. It was ingenious thinking on Grant's part to bring the good old boys in. Because of them they were thus able to track Colin's car and find Tania. Nobody was even remotely prepared for the sight of her. Colin had beaten her intensely, just as Grant planned to do, only to have Reg interrupt him. It was a nice touch to include the thought of his mother and of his rearrangement of his half-brothers face. It made him smile. Smiles, hugs and blessings.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Alie. You will learn more about his mother in the next part. She's not nice. Thank you for another lovely review, my friend, I really love all your thoughts on my book. You always are so encouraging. I'm sure I've told you that before, but it's true. Warm hugs, my dear friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well done, Sandra. I'm so happy Tania has been rescued by Grant and his security guards. I do not like violence but was glad that Colin received almost as bad a beating as he inflicted on Tania. Men who beat on women do not deserve mercy. Good chapter. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Well done, Sandra. I'm so happy Tania has been rescued by Grant and his security guards. I do not like violence but was glad that Colin received almost as bad a beating as he inflicted on Tania. Men who beat on women do not deserve mercy. Good chapter. Nancy:)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Nancy. Things will be changing, and so will emotions. So, keep with me, my friend. No more violence, but Colin deserved what he got. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Have you had your vaccination yet? I had mine last wednesday. I'll have the second one in April. :))
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No and I might not get it. I am 85, Sandra and a high risk. Yes Colin did deserve the beating. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. LOL :)
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The over 80s had it first here. I do hope you have it. You are good for many years yet, my girl!! Love you lots! xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
a little bit of action, I see. Jolly good show. I made a few suggestions for you to do with what you will! lol
'You're talking to the master extraordinaire, young man!' he said, dropping his voice to just above a whisper.- given that he dropped his voice to a whisper, I'd not go for the exclamation mark here.
They set their watches, then Reg and Carl moved off.- I think I'd use synchronised rather than set here.
then punched the door open with his foot, smashing it off its hinges. - don't use punched here, it sends mixed messages, as it's normally associated with fists or battering rams. There's nothing wrong with 'booted'. (Quite British actually!)
Colin dragged Tania off the bed, placing her in front of him with his arm around her neck. - I really want him to drag her off the bed, an arm coiled around her neck...
the rest of her skin had gone deathly grey; - you could try something like 'held a deathly pallor.
blood matted hair caused him more alarm - I would hyphenate blood-matted.
The thought of Colin hurting her had never entered his head. It just wasn't what men did!- this didn't ring true for me. I think I read earlier or just assumed, that there'd been mention of Colin not needing her once he got what he needed. I can't full remember, but it would seem unlikely that the thought wouldn't have crossed Grant's mind given his history.
keeping his eyes on Colin, crouched down and put the gun on the floor.- probably don't need down following crouched. it would be inferred.
I hadn't a clue about you two being in cahoots - I think this needs to be stronger. cahoots is weak here given what has transpired.
Grant's emotions into a maelstrom of unmitigated anger. - that's very nice.
Somehow, the mention of Tania's name, managed to penetrate Grant's fury, - you don't need the comma after name here.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Hi Sandra,
a little bit of action, I see. Jolly good show. I made a few suggestions for you to do with what you will! lol
'You're talking to the master extraordinaire, young man!' he said, dropping his voice to just above a whisper.- given that he dropped his voice to a whisper, I'd not go for the exclamation mark here.
They set their watches, then Reg and Carl moved off.- I think I'd use synchronised rather than set here.
then punched the door open with his foot, smashing it off its hinges. - don't use punched here, it sends mixed messages, as it's normally associated with fists or battering rams. There's nothing wrong with 'booted'. (Quite British actually!)
Colin dragged Tania off the bed, placing her in front of him with his arm around her neck. - I really want him to drag her off the bed, an arm coiled around her neck...
the rest of her skin had gone deathly grey; - you could try something like 'held a deathly pallor.
blood matted hair caused him more alarm - I would hyphenate blood-matted.
The thought of Colin hurting her had never entered his head. It just wasn't what men did!- this didn't ring true for me. I think I read earlier or just assumed, that there'd been mention of Colin not needing her once he got what he needed. I can't full remember, but it would seem unlikely that the thought wouldn't have crossed Grant's mind given his history.
keeping his eyes on Colin, crouched down and put the gun on the floor.- probably don't need down following crouched. it would be inferred.
I hadn't a clue about you two being in cahoots - I think this needs to be stronger. cahoots is weak here given what has transpired.
Grant's emotions into a maelstrom of unmitigated anger. - that's very nice.
Somehow, the mention of Tania's name, managed to penetrate Grant's fury, - you don't need the comma after name here.
All the best
G
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Gareth, I really appreciate all that help. I've used all your suggestions, and feel it's tightened it up as well. I really appreciate the time you took. Thanks, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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Cool
Comment from Mistydawn
She's finally away from the deranged man, thank goodness. Now I just hope her injuries aren't life-threatening, internal bleeding and that. Your chapter is very well-written, suspenseful. You had me on the edge of my seat. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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She's finally away from the deranged man, thank goodness. Now I just hope her injuries aren't life-threatening, internal bleeding and that. Your chapter is very well-written, suspenseful. You had me on the edge of my seat. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Misty, for another of your wonderful reviews. I'm so pleased you liked the rescue scene. Tania has a lot of healing to do. Thank you, dear friend, for the lovely six stars. I really appreciate them. Warmest hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from RetroStarfish
Wow - you've done it. Tania has been rescued but there is still more mystery and more reason to keep on reading. Well done.
There are some wonderful images here, including: "...a maelstrom of unmitigated anger."
One thing to be careful about, though, is head hopping. This scene is told almost entirely from Grant's perspective, except for one sentence.
"The excruciating pain now engulfing Tania's whole arm had her teetering on the verge of insanity."
'Verge of insanity' is a great image, but Grant can't know what's going on in Tania's head. I suggest something like "she winced in agony' and then later when Grant imagines the pain she must be in, you could have Grant thinking she must 'be on the verge of insanity.'
Great chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Wow - you've done it. Tania has been rescued but there is still more mystery and more reason to keep on reading. Well done.
There are some wonderful images here, including: "...a maelstrom of unmitigated anger."
One thing to be careful about, though, is head hopping. This scene is told almost entirely from Grant's perspective, except for one sentence.
"The excruciating pain now engulfing Tania's whole arm had her teetering on the verge of insanity."
'Verge of insanity' is a great image, but Grant can't know what's going on in Tania's head. I suggest something like "she winced in agony' and then later when Grant imagines the pain she must be in, you could have Grant thinking she must 'be on the verge of insanity.'
Great chapter.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for this lovely review. I've removed that line, and will add it somewhere that it will fit better. I'm really pleased you mentioned that. I didn't see it! And also, thank you for being so helpful. I'm glad you enjoyed this part. More to come. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Am I to believe Grant's mom was abused, from Colin's father? I am wondering. I can't wait until Tania and Grant talk. I am sure Grant will apologize, but will Tania accept it. I am sure not immediately.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Am I to believe Grant's mom was abused, from Colin's father? I am wondering. I can't wait until Tania and Grant talk. I am sure Grant will apologize, but will Tania accept it. I am sure not immediately.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Barbara for the lovely review and all the pretty stars. No, Grant's mother wasn't abused. His story will be told in the next part. Tania has a lot of healing to do. Thank you, dear friend, for your continued support. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from Jessica Borras
Considering I came in on Chapter 20 and am already hooked, kudos! I really enjoyed this chapter! Of course it would make more sense if I'd read the rest, but it was easy to follow along with.
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reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Considering I came in on Chapter 20 and am already hooked, kudos! I really enjoyed this chapter! Of course it would make more sense if I'd read the rest, but it was easy to follow along with.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you Jessica. I'm afraid coming in at this point you've missed the way this story is being told. It is not from one persons POV. I suppose that is why you gave it a four star. The rest of this book will be told in this way. I'm glad you enjoyed what you read though. Sandra xx
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Chapter 20 in the book Betrayal speaks about the rescue as expressed through a good taletelling, progressed thru balanced plot development, ends with a curious ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Chapter 20 in the book Betrayal speaks about the rescue as expressed through a good taletelling, progressed thru balanced plot development, ends with a curious ending; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Alreator, for another lovely review. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts about this part. Thank you, and have a lovely day. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from BethShelby
What a relief to know she's been rescued. This is truly excellent writing. It like I'm there watching what is taking place. It merciful that you allowed her to pass out. I could almost feel her pain. Colin was getting what he deserved. I'm looking forward to whatever comes next.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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What a relief to know she's been rescued. This is truly excellent writing. It like I'm there watching what is taking place. It merciful that you allowed her to pass out. I could almost feel her pain. Colin was getting what he deserved. I'm looking forward to whatever comes next.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2021
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Aw, thank you so very much, Beth, for another lovely review, and that shiny six star. I went over it so many times in case I'd overdone it. Your review really made me smile. Thank you, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx