More Grist to the Mill
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Trip to Ludlow 1925"Book 2 of the Cleeborough Mill Trilogy
38 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
Jim, you have such elegance and grace in the flow of language throughout this chapter, particularly in the description of the landscape, and the effect of sunlight and shadow on its surface. So much to learn from you.
I do have a personal observation, certainly not a criticism, of the give and take of a piece of dialogue:
'I mean, the mystery woman could well be Tom Bache's wife, Heather. She'd be about the right age. If that were to be the case, it might turn up a lot that were better left undisturbed.' [I'm not suggesting a better way of doing things here, Jim, only let you know how my mind works as I read dialogue. As soon as the rector said, "I mean, the mystery woman could well be Tom Bache's wife, Heather," my mind jumped in with, "If it were Heather, wouldn't it be natural for Allen to have a response just there? Therefore, I would have had him say, "Heather?" And then have the rector go on with, "She'd be about the right age. If that were to be the case, it might turn up a lot that were better left undisturbed.' It's a subtle difference in timing, and I think it focuses the readers' attention on the rest of what the rector said.]
The crooked steeple of St Mary's church was suddenly illuminated by the sun, as if a spotlight had been turned onto it. [This is such a vivid image! In fact, the rest of the chapter is full of them.]
Boy, have you locked me in! What would have been six-graced on Monday, is six-worthy today. Sorry, Friend.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2021
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Jim, you have such elegance and grace in the flow of language throughout this chapter, particularly in the description of the landscape, and the effect of sunlight and shadow on its surface. So much to learn from you.
I do have a personal observation, certainly not a criticism, of the give and take of a piece of dialogue:
'I mean, the mystery woman could well be Tom Bache's wife, Heather. She'd be about the right age. If that were to be the case, it might turn up a lot that were better left undisturbed.' [I'm not suggesting a better way of doing things here, Jim, only let you know how my mind works as I read dialogue. As soon as the rector said, "I mean, the mystery woman could well be Tom Bache's wife, Heather," my mind jumped in with, "If it were Heather, wouldn't it be natural for Allen to have a response just there? Therefore, I would have had him say, "Heather?" And then have the rector go on with, "She'd be about the right age. If that were to be the case, it might turn up a lot that were better left undisturbed.' It's a subtle difference in timing, and I think it focuses the readers' attention on the rest of what the rector said.]
The crooked steeple of St Mary's church was suddenly illuminated by the sun, as if a spotlight had been turned onto it. [This is such a vivid image! In fact, the rest of the chapter is full of them.]
Boy, have you locked me in! What would have been six-graced on Monday, is six-worthy today. Sorry, Friend.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for this interesting review, I will look into that matter of Bache's wife.
Comment from robyn corum
Jim,
This was a terrific post. I liked it ever so much. The descriptions, actions, and feelings were all vividly realistic and I 'fell' right into the story. I think you're doing a marvelous job and I look forward to more!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2021
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Jim,
This was a terrific post. I liked it ever so much. The descriptions, actions, and feelings were all vividly realistic and I 'fell' right into the story. I think you're doing a marvelous job and I look forward to more!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for these kind and supportive words. They are greatly appreciated.
Comment from damommy
I'm becoming attached to these two gents, especially the rector. That's good writing when the reader feels that way. I curious about Jericho Farm and what surprises await Peter.
By the way, I was wondering if you would ever have a prose writing class? I could use some training in that area for sure!
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I'm becoming attached to these two gents, especially the rector. That's good writing when the reader feels that way. I curious about Jericho Farm and what surprises await Peter.
By the way, I was wondering if you would ever have a prose writing class? I could use some training in that area for sure!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I do not consider myself competent to run prose classes. I am feeling way with prose, but it is nice of you to suggest it. Thank you for this six star review.
Comment from tfawcus
Some splendid descriptive passages in this chapter, Jim. The Sunbeam brought back a few memories. I'm thinking of the one with a spare wheel strapped to the running board - a splendid car. It seems that Peter Allen must, like many in the legal profession, have been well-heeled.
I remember the gentle art of double-declutching on a downhill slope in my first car, a Wolseley 4/44. It was easy enough to miss those gears!
Even as late as the 1980's here in Australia, the RAA used to leave cans of water by the side of the road on the steeper sections for members whose engines had overheated.
I stayed the night in Ludlow once, about fifty years ago, at a grand old hotel, The Feathers. Part of a honeymoon tour with my first wife. We ended up being snowed into one of the Welsh valleys for the best part of a week.
I like your descriptions of the glinting glass and rooftops in buildings seen from the Clee after rain.
It seems that Peter Allen has an interesting cold case on his hands and one that will close a few of the gaps left at the end of your previous book. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Some splendid descriptive passages in this chapter, Jim. The Sunbeam brought back a few memories. I'm thinking of the one with a spare wheel strapped to the running board - a splendid car. It seems that Peter Allen must, like many in the legal profession, have been well-heeled.
I remember the gentle art of double-declutching on a downhill slope in my first car, a Wolseley 4/44. It was easy enough to miss those gears!
Even as late as the 1980's here in Australia, the RAA used to leave cans of water by the side of the road on the steeper sections for members whose engines had overheated.
I stayed the night in Ludlow once, about fifty years ago, at a grand old hotel, The Feathers. Part of a honeymoon tour with my first wife. We ended up being snowed into one of the Welsh valleys for the best part of a week.
I like your descriptions of the glinting glass and rooftops in buildings seen from the Clee after rain.
It seems that Peter Allen has an interesting cold case on his hands and one that will close a few of the gaps left at the end of your previous book. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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The first instalment of this new book was accompanied by a picture of one of these. I knew someone back in the 60s who owned one a magnificent beast but it took some driving, manual advance and retard and no synchromesh. The steering was on the heavy side too but then so were most cars.
Thank you so much for this complimentary six-star review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I adored that last clever sentence enticing us into what might happen in the future. You captured to slow pace of the past and how we appreciated the small things in life back then like cars that don't give up on hills for one. Your story is measuring up very nicely and I look forward to the next instalment. No sixes left this time, but your tale is a pleasure to read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I adored that last clever sentence enticing us into what might happen in the future. You captured to slow pace of the past and how we appreciated the small things in life back then like cars that don't give up on hills for one. Your story is measuring up very nicely and I look forward to the next instalment. No sixes left this time, but your tale is a pleasure to read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this kind review. I am glad you continue to enjoy the story.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting chapter. It was nicely detailed and felt very much like stepping out of a time machine. Impressive work. I don't know what Gordian knot is but it sounds tight.
I trust the Talbot can provide us with {somewhere where} we can dine in reasonable privacy,
- is this a repeat or just how they spoke back then?
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Very interesting chapter. It was nicely detailed and felt very much like stepping out of a time machine. Impressive work. I don't know what Gordian knot is but it sounds tight.
I trust the Talbot can provide us with {somewhere where} we can dine in reasonable privacy,
- is this a repeat or just how they spoke back then?
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this six star review and for picking up on that repeat. It was an error and has been corrected.
Comment from royowen
I'm loving the fact that you've found your literary journey to the place it almost started, I still grieve for the fate of Tom Warburton, Tommy Bache was amazingly married to Heather Joliffe, the inheritor of Jericho farm, and then the Bache name is linked to that, thanks you didn't let go of this fabulous story, well done, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I'm loving the fact that you've found your literary journey to the place it almost started, I still grieve for the fate of Tom Warburton, Tommy Bache was amazingly married to Heather Joliffe, the inheritor of Jericho farm, and then the Bache name is linked to that, thanks you didn't let go of this fabulous story, well done, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you so much for this sensitive review.
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Well done
Comment from Leann DS
Nice job, with a lot of detail and imagery, especially in the second half. I did not know it at the time, but I had some difficulty following the dialogue at the beginning. I think it was because there was not much non-dialogue detail added in. my guess is that this should be easy to accomplish with your high level of ability displayed during the second half of this piece.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Nice job, with a lot of detail and imagery, especially in the second half. I did not know it at the time, but I had some difficulty following the dialogue at the beginning. I think it was because there was not much non-dialogue detail added in. my guess is that this should be easy to accomplish with your high level of ability displayed during the second half of this piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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This is not really a stand alone chapter but one of three tha follows the dinner party. Many thanks for your review.