Once Upon a Dream
A perfect illusion.49 total reviews
Comment from Susan Larson
Your poem with this rhyming scheme I deem supreme. However, maybe "recently did seem" and " my heart did scream" would keep the rhyme more consistent. Just a thought. Your overall message is great, I deem.
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Your poem with this rhyming scheme I deem supreme. However, maybe "recently did seem" and " my heart did scream" would keep the rhyme more consistent. Just a thought. Your overall message is great, I deem.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from Anne Johnston
I alike the approach you have used with this. It is very effective. The words could apply to many situations, a broken love, a lost friend, or even words for a poem felt in the night but vanished by morning.
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I alike the approach you have used with this. It is very effective. The words could apply to many situations, a broken love, a lost friend, or even words for a poem felt in the night but vanished by morning.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from Miss Cookie Atkinson
I like the artwork you choose to go with your poem. They are a perfect match
You captured my attention from the first line to the last. There was a time I felt like you until I put Christ back in my life
not every day is wonder not every one is kind Now just listen to them again and talk about each other friend when had enough I slowly walk away God bless and have a safe day
Cookie
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I like the artwork you choose to go with your poem. They are a perfect match
You captured my attention from the first line to the last. There was a time I felt like you until I put Christ back in my life
not every day is wonder not every one is kind Now just listen to them again and talk about each other friend when had enough I slowly walk away God bless and have a safe day
Cookie
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from padumachitta
Hello
Well, a good peoem for this mon-rhyme contest. I wish you good luck.
I like the repition of the first line in the couplets. it builds up and then when it breaks the pattern it halps the reader take note.
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Hello
Well, a good peoem for this mon-rhyme contest. I wish you good luck.
I like the repition of the first line in the couplets. it builds up and then when it breaks the pattern it halps the reader take note.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from Goodadvicechan
I like the title: "Once upon a dream." I like the following: "Once upon a dream, I awoke to a reality where things were not as they recently seemed." Some people say dreams come true; some say reality is opposite to dreams.
I always like the think nightmares and reality are opposite.
Happy 2021.
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I like the title: "Once upon a dream." I like the following: "Once upon a dream, I awoke to a reality where things were not as they recently seemed." Some people say dreams come true; some say reality is opposite to dreams.
I always like the think nightmares and reality are opposite.
Happy 2021.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from Begin Again
I'm first to admit I am not a poet and don't understand all the technical rules, but I do enjoy reading and moving with the flow of your words. It's done very well and pleased me. Good job! Thank you for sharing. Smiles to you!
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I'm first to admit I am not a poet and don't understand all the technical rules, but I do enjoy reading and moving with the flow of your words. It's done very well and pleased me. Good job! Thank you for sharing. Smiles to you!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
This was a sad and solemn piece... about a situation in life most of us have dealt with, I imagine. I appreciate the fact that you did use the monorhyme all the way through - but I have a couple of thoughts to offer:
1.) I could only soley verbalize,
--> solely?
2.) Repetition is a literary device that can impact a poem in a lot of ways - but - too much repetition lessens the impact of the repeated info. This is a case where I think you may want to consider removing a few of the catch phrase/title -- consider lumping your lines together in couplets or stanzas and using the refrain more sparingly
3.) The font is TINY. I had to enlarge my screen to read it.
4.) Finally, the author's notes should be (imo) for an addendum, just a bit of added info - not to tell the whole story. If you must use that section to say what you're saying, then you might not have said it well within the poem/story?
That's it! Yours to use or toss. *smile* Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Dear Mystery Writer,
This was a sad and solemn piece... about a situation in life most of us have dealt with, I imagine. I appreciate the fact that you did use the monorhyme all the way through - but I have a couple of thoughts to offer:
1.) I could only soley verbalize,
--> solely?
2.) Repetition is a literary device that can impact a poem in a lot of ways - but - too much repetition lessens the impact of the repeated info. This is a case where I think you may want to consider removing a few of the catch phrase/title -- consider lumping your lines together in couplets or stanzas and using the refrain more sparingly
3.) The font is TINY. I had to enlarge my screen to read it.
4.) Finally, the author's notes should be (imo) for an addendum, just a bit of added info - not to tell the whole story. If you must use that section to say what you're saying, then you might not have said it well within the poem/story?
That's it! Yours to use or toss. *smile* Thanks and good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from Susan Louise Gabriel
Very well done! I really like the way you've used the line "once upon a dream" repetitively, and I particularly love the way you ended the poem:
"Why did you flee? My heart screams.
Now I see you will only exist once upon a dream."
Thank you for sharing!
Susan
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Very well done! I really like the way you've used the line "once upon a dream" repetitively, and I particularly love the way you ended the poem:
"Why did you flee? My heart screams.
Now I see you will only exist once upon a dream."
Thank you for sharing!
Susan
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was very well done, with a very sad ending. Your mono-rhyme tell a story of a love that once was but now only happens in her dreams. Excellent, and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra
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That was very well done, with a very sad ending. Your mono-rhyme tell a story of a love that once was but now only happens in her dreams. Excellent, and good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
Comment from ESOSTINE
The poem seemed to me, a piece about happy experiences with a friend in the field of redemption of souls, and the loss of the friend being remembered from time to time. I am not sure I captured the theme of the poem though masterly written and arranged. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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The poem seemed to me, a piece about happy experiences with a friend in the field of redemption of souls, and the loss of the friend being remembered from time to time. I am not sure I captured the theme of the poem though masterly written and arranged. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021