Grandma's Love
A true love33 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
Grandma is so wise. It's great that Cheryl feels like she can confide in her. I wonder about using a condom would be a sure-fire guarantee that he wants to protect her. Maybe he wants to protect himself. This guy really showed his true colors. He cares for her not a bit. This is a great bit of realism and deals with a common choice for young people. You have all the story ingredients, and the characters are interesting, especially Grandma. Best of luck in the contest. judi
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Grandma is so wise. It's great that Cheryl feels like she can confide in her. I wonder about using a condom would be a sure-fire guarantee that he wants to protect her. Maybe he wants to protect himself. This guy really showed his true colors. He cares for her not a bit. This is a great bit of realism and deals with a common choice for young people. You have all the story ingredients, and the characters are interesting, especially Grandma. Best of luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from equestrik
I love this grandma! This is some amazing advice and a good way to make the point without all the lecturing that usually just pushes kids away. Very well written!
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I love this grandma! This is some amazing advice and a good way to make the point without all the lecturing that usually just pushes kids away. Very well written!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from Wabigoon
Lancellot--
I think I get this -- "nothing got into her." Am I right? You say a lot in very few words and that's a talent. I hope you do well in the contest. I also hope I get to read more of the entries.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
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Lancellot--
I think I get this -- "nothing got into her." Am I right? You say a lot in very few words and that's a talent. I hope you do well in the contest. I also hope I get to read more of the entries.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from Mastery
Hi Lance. Great story with a moral-like ending.
Suggestions: You need a question mark after the last line of the first paragraph.
And you injected 'Rose" in the story with no reference? May I suggest this? "Cheryl's mother shook her head and slowly reached inside her purse and pulled them out."
And: farther in you will have to change the name from Rose to mother, here:
"Not bad, just experienced. So, Tony loves you, but he wants you to prove your love?" Grandma raised her hand. "Listen, child, if you're going to prove your love, then make him prove his first."
And: I would add an exclamation point here. "Grandma!"
And at the end be sure to change the last part from Rose to Grandma. Here: "Rose grinned. "Nothing but the truth."
God job, Lance. Correct a few things and I believe you will have a winner. :) Bob
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Hi Lance. Great story with a moral-like ending.
Suggestions: You need a question mark after the last line of the first paragraph.
And you injected 'Rose" in the story with no reference? May I suggest this? "Cheryl's mother shook her head and slowly reached inside her purse and pulled them out."
And: farther in you will have to change the name from Rose to mother, here:
"Not bad, just experienced. So, Tony loves you, but he wants you to prove your love?" Grandma raised her hand. "Listen, child, if you're going to prove your love, then make him prove his first."
And: I would add an exclamation point here. "Grandma!"
And at the end be sure to change the last part from Rose to Grandma. Here: "Rose grinned. "Nothing but the truth."
God job, Lance. Correct a few things and I believe you will have a winner. :) Bob
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
Well that's a start, and the saving grace of a rude awakening. Maybe Cheryl will get it through her head, that only, "Love and Marriage go together like a horse and carriage", a spent horse and an empty carriage have nothing to do with love, it has to do with the Nothingness of lust! Well done Lancellot. Maybe you can get on the teaching tour with this.
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Well that's a start, and the saving grace of a rude awakening. Maybe Cheryl will get it through her head, that only, "Love and Marriage go together like a horse and carriage", a spent horse and an empty carriage have nothing to do with love, it has to do with the Nothingness of lust! Well done Lancellot. Maybe you can get on the teaching tour with this.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from mermaids
This is an excellent short tale of truth. Grandma here is full of wisdom and
is educating her granddaughter. Excellent flow of dialog and your ending is perfect for the story. I see no need for changes.
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This is an excellent short tale of truth. Grandma here is full of wisdom and
is educating her granddaughter. Excellent flow of dialog and your ending is perfect for the story. I see no need for changes.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from ESOSTINE
Nothing but the truth. Some times it is easier said than done, especially on a first love encounter. Caution could be thrown to the wind. Thanks for your inspiration and good luck in the contest.
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Nothing but the truth. Some times it is easier said than done, especially on a first love encounter. Caution could be thrown to the wind. Thanks for your inspiration and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent entry for the Flash Fiction contest. I loved the way the end, although so obvious, was left so understated. It's a slightly different way of writing to the classical 'Flash Fiction' as we know it, but is very appealing.
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This is an excellent entry for the Flash Fiction contest. I loved the way the end, although so obvious, was left so understated. It's a slightly different way of writing to the classical 'Flash Fiction' as we know it, but is very appealing.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from barbara.wilkey
AMEN!!! I wish more grandma's would have that talk with their granddaughters. It would help in a lot of situations. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I wish you the very best of luck.
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AMEN!!! I wish more grandma's would have that talk with their granddaughters. It would help in a lot of situations. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I wish you the very best of luck.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020
Comment from forestport12
Lesson learned. Grandma kind of reminds me of that character writer who plays a woman. Another truth here is how the teen would not just listen to wisdom, she had to find her own. Nice read.
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Lesson learned. Grandma kind of reminds me of that character writer who plays a woman. Another truth here is how the teen would not just listen to wisdom, she had to find her own. Nice read.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2020