Renga Multi-Author Book
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Contemplation"Renga is a Japanese linked poetry 5/7/5 and 7/7
30 total reviews
Comment from elchupakabra
I really like the alliteration that you've employed in this piece. The overall aesthetic is well done, and the piece flows very smoothly. Great work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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I really like the alliteration that you've employed in this piece. The overall aesthetic is well done, and the piece flows very smoothly. Great work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2020
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Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your encouragement--spiritual and nature genres are not my strong suits--I am metaphorically-challenged so this was a stretch. Cheers. LIZ
Comment from Eternal Muse
A very nice spiritual Renga. Great visuals and imagery, and a fantastic artwork. I like reading it out loud, with your parade of "S"s (smile). Thank you so much for the information in your author's note.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I learned something new tonight.
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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A very nice spiritual Renga. Great visuals and imagery, and a fantastic artwork. I like reading it out loud, with your parade of "S"s (smile). Thank you so much for the information in your author's note.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I learned something new tonight.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2020
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Thank you so much! You are the first to review since the rewrite--ssssso glad you enjoyed the parade. Cheers. LIZ
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
You chose well. The words create the imagery of quiet contemplation and a sanctuary, which is sometimes needed to effect the consolation. The image you chose is perfect.
Ralf
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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You chose well. The words create the imagery of quiet contemplation and a sanctuary, which is sometimes needed to effect the consolation. The image you chose is perfect.
Ralf
Comment Written 02-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2020
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Thanks Ralf. I appreciate your encouraging words, especially given that nature and spiritual genres--and metaphor in general--are not my strong suits. Cheers. LIZ
Comment from judiverse
Beautifully worded. This will be a great addition to the book. Very interesting artwork. It is good to know that there are people out there who are listening to you and offering their words of consolation. Sometimes it's unexpected support. Your 7/7 syllable count is correct. judi
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Beautifully worded. This will be a great addition to the book. Very interesting artwork. It is good to know that there are people out there who are listening to you and offering their words of consolation. Sometimes it's unexpected support. Your 7/7 syllable count is correct. judi
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you Judi! I appreciate your support and encouraging comments. Nature and spiritual genres are a streeeeetch--I am metaphorically-challenged! Cheers. LIZ (Would you be so kind as to cast your vote regarding reviewer Rama Devi's suggestion?)
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You're welcome. We use "the" so much in ordinary speech, it sounds natural in a poem. But I suppose the short form is best served by replacing the article. I was thinking of a noun like night. judi
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I like NIGHT! Congrats for being the first responder. So far, you're in the lead.
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You made a great choice with sunset's. judi
Comment from rama devi
Nice addition to this book. I love the theme and the overall tone of serenity and inner depth. Nice presentation as well. The phonics with consonance of S sounds add to the sense of hush. Well done! My only critique is the use of THE. You might get maximum mileage out of that syllable by using a descriptive word instead of a filler word. DEEP silence, perhaps? Or something more original would be better...though THE works fine, if you truly prefer it!
Love the tone and tenor of this.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Nice addition to this book. I love the theme and the overall tone of serenity and inner depth. Nice presentation as well. The phonics with consonance of S sounds add to the sense of hush. Well done! My only critique is the use of THE. You might get maximum mileage out of that syllable by using a descriptive word instead of a filler word. DEEP silence, perhaps? Or something more original would be better...though THE works fine, if you truly prefer it!
Love the tone and tenor of this.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you Rama--Point taken--normally THE is indeed a waste of a precious syllable--I am mulling over your suggestion--much appreciated! I may put it up for vote! Cheers. LIZ
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I just polled all reviewers: I await their collective decision! We can see the responses here as they trickle in.
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Thanks for your gracious response, LIZ!
Warm Smiles, rd
P.S. Nice to meet you!
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Do let me know! :)
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Helen thinks it works either way. Judi suggested NIGHT. I'll keep you posted. You can view their comments meantime.
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Thanks!
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The leading contender so far is NIGHT'S SILENCE
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I love the Shakespearean overtone with your choice of soft. Night also works fine. Good job...thanks for letting the feedback carry you toward new creativity!
Warmly, rd
Comment from Ric Myworld
Who can stand the silence? Silence that fails to muffle the noise of all the yesterdays we struggle to hinder or forget. Turn up the volume to a blare, shake the windows, beat the desk, and sing the words that promote hope for a better tomorrow!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Who can stand the silence? Silence that fails to muffle the noise of all the yesterdays we struggle to hinder or forget. Turn up the volume to a blare, shake the windows, beat the desk, and sing the words that promote hope for a better tomorrow!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Separated at birth! I too cannot abide the silence--I eschew all forms of prayer regardless--this was way out of my comfort zone. Gotta stretch my metaphorically-challenged limbs now and then. Cheers. LIZ
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Would you be so kind as to cast your vote regarding reviewer Rama Devi's suggestion?
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I don't have any idea about Rama Devi's suggestion. I guess, I should be ashamed, but I never keep up with what's going on with this site. Where can I find it, and what is it?
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She is one of the reviewers of my poem--click on the poem title from here and scroll down to VIEW RATINGS yellow icon bottom right and you can see all comments--please don't feel obligated--you do so much for me already!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Contemplation
by Elizabeth Emerald
Hello, Elizabeth,
Beautiful 7/7 couplet for our book of renga. Good job with the Syllable count and presentation. Thank you very much for adding the chapter and author notes!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Contemplation
by Elizabeth Emerald
Hello, Elizabeth,
Beautiful 7/7 couplet for our book of renga. Good job with the Syllable count and presentation. Thank you very much for adding the chapter and author notes!
Comment Written 01-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you! So glad you were pleased. Helen sent me the text of the author notes--from which I went to REPLY mode--which allows edits and thus cut/paste--it's when I'm in read-only mode-- e.g. text of a someone else's poem/story that I cannot copy--i.e. I click but it doesn't register/highlight. Helen is stumped--I messaged Tom as she suggested--any clue?
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Would you be so kind as to cast your vote regarding reviewer Rama Devi's suggestion?
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I don't understand. I checked your post and it looks fine.
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What? I don't understand.
Comment from lyenochka
I like it! The "whispers of consolation" sound so soothing. And it's the patient, humble waiting in silence, we can actually get those messages that our souls so hunger to hear. Great job!!
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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I like it! The "whispers of consolation" sound so soothing. And it's the patient, humble waiting in silence, we can actually get those messages that our souls so hunger to hear. Great job!!
Comment Written 31-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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High praise for an atheist! Thanks for stopping by. Cheers. LIZ
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God loves atheists, too! 😊
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Would you be so kind as to cast your vote regarding reviewer Rama Devi's suggestion?
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What is that suggestion? I went to her profile but didn't see she wrote any suggestion.
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It's in her review of my poem--you can click VIEW RATINGS,
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Oh, you mean her review of your poem. Gotcha. Well, her advice is always good. I agree that each word should count. I thought about it and am on the fence. Usually, an article is a throwaway word but in this case, 'the' could mean a specific silence. So to me, it works either way.
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Thanks for you input Helen--seems we're on the same fence. Judi suggested NIGHT.
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Oh, night is good or even
night's silence.
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I like NIGHT'S SILENCE! I'll hold off out of courtesy to those who haven't yet weighed in. I don't expect they can top it!
Comment from June Sargent
Beautiful words of faith enhanced by the gorgeous choice of art work! I'm glad you joined Gypsy's book of Renga. It's an adventure watching how this project is progressing .
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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Beautiful words of faith enhanced by the gorgeous choice of art work! I'm glad you joined Gypsy's book of Renga. It's an adventure watching how this project is progressing .
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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High praise for an atheist! Thanks for stopping by June. Cheers. LIZ
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Would you be so kind as to cast your vote regarding reviewer Rama Devi's suggestion?
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I'm not sure what you're asking me to do.
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Sorry for the confusion--Rama is one of my poem's reviewers--I was hoping to have you others read her comments and weigh in on her suggestion-don't feel obligated if it's a hassle.
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I like night?s silence as well!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Great poem and very wisely written, I think you touched a point that goes deep into our hearts:"In the silence you may hear
whispers of consolation" Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
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reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Great poem and very wisely written, I think you touched a point that goes deep into our hearts:"In the silence you may hear
whispers of consolation" Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 31-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2020
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Thank you IZA! This was a stretch for me--so glad you were pleased! Cheers. LIZ
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Would you be so kind as to cast your vote regarding reviewer Rama Devi's suggestion?