Comment from Mrs. KT

Excellent

Hello Pam!
If those birds of yours are headed to Traverse City, they are in for a treat as it is time to harvest cherries! As such, your haiku prompted me to write a 7/7 couplet to complement your haiku...At least I hope it did!
Lovely haiku!

Take Care!
diane

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, diane. I appreciate your comments about the birds headed your way for the cherries. I think they made it into your 7/7, which was a lovely follow up. It is a great project.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

The songbirds certainly are colorful in the picture along with the berries. Your 5-7-5 haiku is very effective. I want to go outside and enjoy the "harvest". Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, Joan. I appreciate your comments about the songbirds being colorful, along with the berries. Hope you made it outside, too? We are in a heat and humidity wave here!

reply by Joan E. on 18-Jul-2020

I did enjoy the songbirds outside, because the weather cooperated. Have a restful weekend- Joan

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020

I'm glad you did, and you have a good weekend, too.

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

Beautiful artwork, and I like the colors you chose. This is a delightful scene--the birds gathering for berries. It is good to know that their need for food is supplied. Excellent third line. There's a bountiful harvest of food, and of birds. Delightful. judi

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, judi. I appreciate your comments about the artwork and presentation, as well as the scene in the poem. I am glad you enjoyed the poem.

reply by judiverse on 18-Jul-2020

You're welcome. You remind us of the pleasure the birds bring us. judi

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020

Thanks, judi, it means a lot.

reply by judiverse on 18-Jul-2020

You're very welcome. Enjoy your weekend. judi

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020

You, too.

Comment from Pantygynt

Good

This is certainly a fine 5-7-5 but the third line is more of a logical progression from the first two lines than the moment of enlightenment demanded of a really good satori line. It should make us think 'well I never thought of it that way' and it just doesn't do that.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 18-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review. Glad you liked the first two lines.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Colorful Songbirds
by Pam (respa)

Hello, Pam,

Beautiful haiku to follow the 7/7 couplet. You did a great job but I have one suggestion for future entries. Try not to repeat
the words used in the previous poem.

For example, I don't mean to ask you to use this one, it's just an example....

Previous chapter 2--
storm clouds flee as new day dawns

berries ripen and birds wait

New poem follows the train of thought but not respeating words...

Sweet fruit on the ground

Is God's creatures sustenance

Unyielding spirits

Well done my friend. Thank you very much for adding a chapter.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review and tips, Gypsy. You are welcome for the addition. Maybe you could add that idea to your notes or I would have done it differently.

reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 16-Jul-2020

Renga is a complicated form. I tried to explained how to write it but I failed. I love your stanza and I hope you forgive me if I offended you. I will go through my notes again and see if I can make it more clear. I'm sorry.

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

No need to apologize, Gypsy. You didn't offend me. I think if you explain what you said to me that you don't repeat the exact words, it would help. I think you have a great idea, and I enjoyed participating. Hope you get a good response.

reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 16-Jul-2020

I did add it in my notes.i think it will be helpful. Thank you for bringing it up.

Hugs

reply by the author on 17-Jul-2020

You are very welcome, Gypsy. I appreciate your reply. Mrs. KT did a good job with the 7/7. It will be interesting to see how it develops. This is a really good project; thanks for doing it.

reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 17-Jul-2020

You're welcome:)

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

Reminds me when I lived on my old place and raised various fruits and berries. Birds galore but somehow it never matter.
Best to you in the contest.
I see nothing wrong .

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, Ben. I appreciate your comments about the reminder of your old place with the fruits, berries, and birds. That would make a good title!

Comment from Sally Law

Excellent

Beautifully penned Haiku for your book chapter, dear Pam. I love purple, too. My kitchen is a purple as blob of loganberries. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for your writing endeavors
Sal xoxo

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, Sally. I appreciate your comments about the haiku and the color, as well as good wishes. The same back to you, too.

Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock

Excellent

A beautiful presentation with this art and these words. Yes, I imagine the birds are keeping track of the blossoming trees and just waiting for the bounty of fruit they will produce.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, Ralf. I appreciate your comments about the presentation, art, and poem, along with the birds and their quest for that fruit.

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

I bet those songbirds are enjoying a delicious feast. Between your verse and the picture you have paired it with, this is pretty enough to make a nice wall hanging.

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, Debi, and more. Your generosity is appreciated more than you know. I appreciate your comments about the birds, their feast, the poem, picture, and even a wall hanging. It means a lot.

reply by w.j.debi on 16-Jul-2020

You are most welcome.

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

Thanks.

Comment from Marjon van Bruggen

Excellent

Such a lovely idea, this multi-author book of renga. I just saw June's 7-7. This is a great haiku to follow it, Pam! I'd like to participate, if I may. Do you think that is possible?

 Comment Written 16-Jul-2020

---

reply by the author on 16-Jul-2020

Thanks for the review, Marjon. I am glad you liked the idea, too, along with my haiku. Yes, it is possible. I would go to the bottom of Gypsy Blue Rose's portfolio and her poem about the plum flower. Look at her author notes about how this works, and you click on add to the book. You can send her a message if you have questions.