A Mother's Warning
75-word Flash28 total reviews
Comment from R. Hiland
I hope she did the right thing--laughed, punched him in the shoulder and said "Very funny. Now get down there and get busy." I hope the Mommy Mafia doesn't drum you out of the Corp....
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I hope she did the right thing--laughed, punched him in the shoulder and said "Very funny. Now get down there and get busy." I hope the Mommy Mafia doesn't drum you out of the Corp....
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
Comment from Saramac
I feel cheated with this piece. You lulled me into a sense of romance and then dropped me from a great height.
That said, great twist in the tale!
Very humorous piece, good luck with it.
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I feel cheated with this piece. You lulled me into a sense of romance and then dropped me from a great height.
That said, great twist in the tale!
Very humorous piece, good luck with it.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
Comment from Jacob David Collins
Wow, he was certainly very honest about what he wanted at the end. I thought this piece showcased good writing and the dialogue kept the pace flowing well. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest!
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Wow, he was certainly very honest about what he wanted at the end. I thought this piece showcased good writing and the dialogue kept the pace flowing well. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
Comment from Eternal Muse
Wow, that was quite a twist in the end! (lol). Poor Debbie waited for really romantic words... Looks like her mother had been right all along, with feet to spare (lol).
Very familiar actors in the picture, she looks Katherine Hepburn?
A nice entry in the flash fiction contest, good luck with it.
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Wow, that was quite a twist in the end! (lol). Poor Debbie waited for really romantic words... Looks like her mother had been right all along, with feet to spare (lol).
Very familiar actors in the picture, she looks Katherine Hepburn?
A nice entry in the flash fiction contest, good luck with it.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I think this may be the best last line I've read in one of these short pieces. Tears to the eyes, my friend. I hope this one does well. lol Spot on word count too.
All the best
G
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Hi there,
I think this may be the best last line I've read in one of these short pieces. Tears to the eyes, my friend. I hope this one does well. lol Spot on word count too.
All the best
G
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I was not expecting that!! There was me expecting a lovely romantic ending and it ended up that mother was right after all!! For such a short story, seventy-five words in total, that was one hell of a contest entry. Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
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I was not expecting that!! There was me expecting a lovely romantic ending and it ended up that mother was right after all!! For such a short story, seventy-five words in total, that was one hell of a contest entry. Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
Comment from thorney
Hi there Lancellot
Well, you nearly got more in your 75 words than I have in years of marriage!
Just a couple of dits to point out:
"My mother warned me; - no capital for mother
Martin gasped, and his heart throbbed - needed a comma
Good luck in the contest.
Regards Pete,
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Hi there Lancellot
Well, you nearly got more in your 75 words than I have in years of marriage!
Just a couple of dits to point out:
"My mother warned me; - no capital for mother
Martin gasped, and his heart throbbed - needed a comma
Good luck in the contest.
Regards Pete,
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Priceless--what a punch. Not ONE thing--delightfully naughty. I don't expect you'll get a prize given the vulgarity--but it's worth sacrificing a win for this gem, sure to amuse many. Cheers. LIZ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Priceless--what a punch. Not ONE thing--delightfully naughty. I don't expect you'll get a prize given the vulgarity--but it's worth sacrificing a win for this gem, sure to amuse many. Cheers. LIZ
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020
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Oh, I know, your right. The contest committee frowns on anything that needs warnings, especially adult themes or jokes.
Thank you.
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