Oh Deer, I'm Fawn of You
A young deer visits my side yard.31 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I loved this poem and I can relate to all you see there. My favorite phrase was "The sun is a silent stalker," but you have all kinds of stalking going on: you're stalking your photo prey, the deer is stalking hosta as well as the sun. Yes, we have fence either and the deer treat all our yards as their salad bars.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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I loved this poem and I can relate to all you see there. My favorite phrase was "The sun is a silent stalker," but you have all kinds of stalking going on: you're stalking your photo prey, the deer is stalking hosta as well as the sun. Yes, we have fence either and the deer treat all our yards as their salad bars.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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Thank you fore the review and delightful comments. You're right. A whole lot of stalking going on.
Beth
Comment from joycetreasures
Hello Bethshelby,
A nice play on words in your title, "Oh Deer, I'm Fawn (Fond) of you." You selected a beautiful photo to use with your poem. Your yard sounds like mine. I have plenty of crabgrass in my back yard. Also, I have plenty of deer that jumps the neighbor's fence into our yard. So, cool you decided to look for a subject in your backyard and snap a photo. I need to grab my camera and catch one of my pesky deer that roam our yard in the evening. I think you have written a wonderful story about a deer caught on camera in your yard. It is a lovely picture of the young fawn with its beautiful brown and black spots. God makes beautiful creatures in the forest. I have tried everything to keep them from eating my hostas. I have a fence in my yard, but they are great jumpers. Nice story, Beth. Good job! I like the flow of your story. It was pretty easy to read. A period needs to go behind the word, fence. I would recommend this read to anyone. Happy writingð???
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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Hello Bethshelby,
A nice play on words in your title, "Oh Deer, I'm Fawn (Fond) of you." You selected a beautiful photo to use with your poem. Your yard sounds like mine. I have plenty of crabgrass in my back yard. Also, I have plenty of deer that jumps the neighbor's fence into our yard. So, cool you decided to look for a subject in your backyard and snap a photo. I need to grab my camera and catch one of my pesky deer that roam our yard in the evening. I think you have written a wonderful story about a deer caught on camera in your yard. It is a lovely picture of the young fawn with its beautiful brown and black spots. God makes beautiful creatures in the forest. I have tried everything to keep them from eating my hostas. I have a fence in my yard, but they are great jumpers. Nice story, Beth. Good job! I like the flow of your story. It was pretty easy to read. A period needs to go behind the word, fence. I would recommend this read to anyone. Happy writingð???
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for the lovely in depth review. I really appreciate it. I have a dog in the front yard that just looke at them. He doesn't bother to bark. I guess he thinks they are bigger than he is.
Beth
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Oh Deer, I'm Fawn of You
by Beth Shelby
Hello, Beth,
I love your poem. I love that you called the sun a stalker.... LoL
Nice entry for the Take A Photo Poetry contest.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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Oh Deer, I'm Fawn of You
by Beth Shelby
Hello, Beth,
I love your poem. I love that you called the sun a stalker.... LoL
Nice entry for the Take A Photo Poetry contest.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the review and the comments. I'm glad you like that line.
Beth
Comment from royowen
I think you've done rather well, you've also done well with the meter, this takes some time to develop, your syllable 13-16 per line, more around fifteen, the best ones are 14syllbles, the ballad poem is the easiest for flow, at 8686, that's where the heptameter comes in, (14 syllables) which is an ancient form. But you've done really well for an ekphrastic (image driven) so good job Beth, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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I think you've done rather well, you've also done well with the meter, this takes some time to develop, your syllable 13-16 per line, more around fifteen, the best ones are 14syllbles, the ballad poem is the easiest for flow, at 8686, that's where the heptameter comes in, (14 syllables) which is an ancient form. But you've done really well for an ekphrastic (image driven) so good job Beth, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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Thank you Roy, I thought I had counted fifteen for all of them. I guess I need to recount. I appreciate the encouragement from a poet like you.
Beth
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Keep going, try the ballad form, 8686 with rhyme scheme abcb then you can expand to the heptameter.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
What a great poem for the contest! I enjoyed reading it. Your lines read smoothly with great imagery. I felt as if I was right there with you searching for a subject. Your picture is beautiful. I'm thrilled you were able to get the picture. I imagine the fawn skedaddled quickly after noticing you. Thanks for sharing and best wishes, Beth. Respectfully, Jan
3rd verse from the bottom--should 'summons' be 'summon'?
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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What a great poem for the contest! I enjoyed reading it. Your lines read smoothly with great imagery. I felt as if I was right there with you searching for a subject. Your picture is beautiful. I'm thrilled you were able to get the picture. I imagine the fawn skedaddled quickly after noticing you. Thanks for sharing and best wishes, Beth. Respectfully, Jan
3rd verse from the bottom--should 'summons' be 'summon'?
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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Thank you Jan, I appreciate the review and comments. Actually I was far enough from him that I got five shots before he ran. I had to zoom in. I think the shot I used it when he actually saw me.
Beth
Comment from susand3022
Oh geez... I completely forgot about the deer... well, perhaps I'll put the garden beds on the deck. LOL, I can do that! The deer have eaten my tulips every year for the last 20 years. There's no point in thinking I'll ever see more than a couple of flowers, no matter how many I plant. I'm doing raised beds this year... I'll put them on the deck nobody uses, perhaps the deer won't get them there. ;)
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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Oh geez... I completely forgot about the deer... well, perhaps I'll put the garden beds on the deck. LOL, I can do that! The deer have eaten my tulips every year for the last 20 years. There's no point in thinking I'll ever see more than a couple of flowers, no matter how many I plant. I'm doing raised beds this year... I'll put them on the deck nobody uses, perhaps the deer won't get them there. ;)
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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I have all my growing things I want to save on the patio. Can't do anything about the hosta. DId you mean to give me just one star. It's the first one star review I ever got. LOL
Beth
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I absolutely did not mean that!!! A slip of the thumb for sure!! All fixed. Thanks for the alert... I've never given anyone a one!!!
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Thanks for fixing. I thought it was probably and accident. I've had them too.
Beth
Comment from J.R. Preston
This is really good. I thought it was clever, flowed nicely, and painted a full picture of your experience. I entered this contest but now after reading your poem, I hope you win! I am still smiling. Thank you for this great writing!
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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This is really good. I thought it was clever, flowed nicely, and painted a full picture of your experience. I entered this contest but now after reading your poem, I hope you win! I am still smiling. Thank you for this great writing!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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Thank you for the review and nice comments. Good luck with your poem. If I don't win anything, it was fun writing it.
Beth
Comment from January L'Angelle
I liked this poem a lot. It's pretty. The photo is lovely. What an excellent photo to capture. Deer are so skittish and are hard to photograph. I like your rhymes, they all fall into place nicely. Well done. Respectfully, -January L.
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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I liked this poem a lot. It's pretty. The photo is lovely. What an excellent photo to capture. Deer are so skittish and are hard to photograph. I like your rhymes, they all fall into place nicely. Well done. Respectfully, -January L.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. I wasn't that close to him. I had to zoom or else he would have been long gone. They are very skittish.
Beth
Comment from giovannimariatommaso
This is a wonderful poem of a true beauty and grace. There's nothing more gentle looking than a fawn. I like your descriptions and the sense of stalking to get your perfect picture, played with the word shot. Rhymes well, reads well, words chosen precisely. giovanni
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reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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This is a wonderful poem of a true beauty and grace. There's nothing more gentle looking than a fawn. I like your descriptions and the sense of stalking to get your perfect picture, played with the word shot. Rhymes well, reads well, words chosen precisely. giovanni
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 23-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for the review and nice comments.
Beth
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y/w giovanni
Comment from Rylie McBride
I really enjoyed your poem. I love all the different varieties of punctuation and capitalization that you used. I feel that adds a lot to a poem. All of your rhymes flowed well. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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I really enjoyed your poem. I love all the different varieties of punctuation and capitalization that you used. I feel that adds a lot to a poem. All of your rhymes flowed well. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for the lovely review and for the six star rating. I'm so glad you liked it.
Beth
