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Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "(new leaf on a tree)"An artful mix of poetic forms.
26 total reviews
Comment from jaylar
This is beautiful and heart-felt. I love the comparison of a new child to a leaf on the tree, born on the first day of spring. As a tree lover, that really resonated with me. Well done!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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This is beautiful and heart-felt. I love the comparison of a new child to a leaf on the tree, born on the first day of spring. As a tree lover, that really resonated with me. Well done!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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I love trees, as well. They are poetry all by themselves. Thank you for this much appreciated review. (Did you catch the homonyms in the picture being used to honor writers of all kinds? I had a good time figuring out the names.) :-)
Comment from Anya Trofimova
This is a great haiku and the extended metaphor of the (family) tree works very well. I am by no means an expert on writing haiku and have received quite a few comments on my own work from more experienced writers, sharing what constitutes a haiku. I thought I would pass these words of wisdom onto you as well. Although it usually has a 5-7-5 syllable structure, apparently this isn't the only requirement that characterises a haiku. New Leaf on a Tree is technically more of a Senryu than a Haiku, as the latter is apparently supposed to be about a present moment in nature, while the former is about one or more people and human emotions or situations. Other than the subject matter differences, the forms are the same, including the first two related lines and the satori (insight line) at the end. See http://http://www.poetrydances.com/haiku for the definition and example, and substitute senryu for haiku at the end to get that definition. You can look up other poetry forms the same way. Also, just found out yesterday that the title of a haiku is always written the same way: haiku(first words or line of the poem) this one is, haiku(new leaf on a tree). Whether or not the contest voters care about the difference I do not know, but since I made the same 'mistake' in my submission and the brief isn't particularly specific I would hope not. You are right, however, to remove all the capitalisation and punctuation. I hope the above was useful. Otherwise, very well done and best of luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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This is a great haiku and the extended metaphor of the (family) tree works very well. I am by no means an expert on writing haiku and have received quite a few comments on my own work from more experienced writers, sharing what constitutes a haiku. I thought I would pass these words of wisdom onto you as well. Although it usually has a 5-7-5 syllable structure, apparently this isn't the only requirement that characterises a haiku. New Leaf on a Tree is technically more of a Senryu than a Haiku, as the latter is apparently supposed to be about a present moment in nature, while the former is about one or more people and human emotions or situations. Other than the subject matter differences, the forms are the same, including the first two related lines and the satori (insight line) at the end. See http://http://www.poetrydances.com/haiku for the definition and example, and substitute senryu for haiku at the end to get that definition. You can look up other poetry forms the same way. Also, just found out yesterday that the title of a haiku is always written the same way: haiku(first words or line of the poem) this one is, haiku(new leaf on a tree). Whether or not the contest voters care about the difference I do not know, but since I made the same 'mistake' in my submission and the brief isn't particularly specific I would hope not. You are right, however, to remove all the capitalisation and punctuation. I hope the above was useful. Otherwise, very well done and best of luck in the contest!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much, Anya, for your detailed response and good wishes. I am not an expert, but I appreciate discussions and opportunities to clarify and improve. This is quoted from a study of comparisons/differences of haiku and senryu at http://www.graceguts.com/haiku-and-senryu: Senryu is similar to haiku except that it tends to be more satirical or ironic in tone, and does not need to include a season word or two-part structure (although some senryu may still include these elements yet still be considered a senryu. Some people think of haiku as focusing on nature, with senryu focusing on people, but this is misleading. The fact is that many haiku by the Japanese masters also focus on people, so having human content is not a distinguishing factor. Furthermore, haiku is actually a seasonal poem, not strictly a nature poem (many of the kigo that haiku aim at are in fact not nature-related), although nature often comes along for the ride. Instead, it is usually tone that differentiates haiku and senryu. Haiku tend to celebrate their subjects (even if dark), whereas senryu tend to have a ?victim? and may or may not be humourous. Haiku typically treat their subjects reverently, whereas senryui do so irreverently.?
In addition to this, it appears that about 99.9% of FS haiku postings are actually haiga. Members, however, enjoy seeing pictures so evidently this has not been an issue. Many haiku, senryu, and haiga overlap. In these instances, it appears that ?intent? is the major distinguishing component since haiku ?lifts up? and senryu ?belittles?. This posting is a positive one concerning the spring season wherein a human event takes place. The first and last lines are spring celebrations paralleling the celebration of new human life--birth being a crucial structural component of nature. (The only possibly humorous aspect present is in the picture where homonyms are being used to honor the creative writing process promoted so wonderfully at FS.)
I love variety and there is plenty of that on this website where all levels of poets and prose writers are inspired and encouraged. It is a journey we are sharing together and that is especially important at a troubling time as this with the worldwide virus. Best wishes always, Janet
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
What an excellent, optimistic Haiku. It makes me hope and dream that there will be life after this crisis, and puts things into perspective. I have four children, one born in each season of the year, and my spring baby was by far the sunniest.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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What an excellent, optimistic Haiku. It makes me hope and dream that there will be life after this crisis, and puts things into perspective. I have four children, one born in each season of the year, and my spring baby was by far the sunniest.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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What a special family history...a baby for all seasons! My two were winter and spring. (The first one was three weeks late and I looked like a watermelon...8 lbs 10 ozs.) Baby stories are so great. I also love hearing about how spouses met. Thank you so much for your lovely review, katherine! xo Janet
Comment from lyenochka
Love the metaphor of the addition of a new daughter and the fresh new leaves of spring as the family tree is blessed to grow. Best wishes in the contest, Janet!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Love the metaphor of the addition of a new daughter and the fresh new leaves of spring as the family tree is blessed to grow. Best wishes in the contest, Janet!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Receiving your reviews are special events for me, Helen. I am so glad we are supportive of each other's efforts. You are constantly blessing me with your insights and amazing postings. xoxo
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
(new leaf on a tree)
by Spangle
Hello my friend
A great 5/7/5 poem in honor of your new leaf to your family tree :) it's a lovely poem and presentation. Good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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(new leaf on a tree)
by Spangle
Hello my friend
A great 5/7/5 poem in honor of your new leaf to your family tree :) it's a lovely poem and presentation. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Thank you so much for this much appreciated review and comments. Stay safe, my friend!
Comment from Ben Colder
Like this. Reminds me of my daughter being born on the first day of spring also. I find nothing wrong with write Hope you do well. The count seems to alright.
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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Like this. Reminds me of my daughter being born on the first day of spring also. I find nothing wrong with write Hope you do well. The count seems to alright.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2020
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2020
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Daughters truly are special blessings. Mine was born in 1971 but it was really in the winter. My son was the one born in the spring. (Poetic license is in play here.) lol Thank you for a wonderful and much appreciated review!