If I Could
My brother died suddenly (2005) changing our lives forever.30 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
When somebody dear to our heart receives the God's calling is very hard for us to understand the why's. We are never the same and we feel empty and lost. I understand your pain... I recently lost my dad, and my life is not the same. You kept your brother in your memories, and this is the most important thing that helps you move on :"John, you were, a diamond in the rough,
We had you, but we didn't have enough;
With faith just as a mustard seed, our God he carried you,
To where every perfect note rings loud and true...
To where every perfect note rings loud and true." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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When somebody dear to our heart receives the God's calling is very hard for us to understand the why's. We are never the same and we feel empty and lost. I understand your pain... I recently lost my dad, and my life is not the same. You kept your brother in your memories, and this is the most important thing that helps you move on :"John, you were, a diamond in the rough,
We had you, but we didn't have enough;
With faith just as a mustard seed, our God he carried you,
To where every perfect note rings loud and true...
To where every perfect note rings loud and true." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
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Thank you for your very thoughtful and kind review. I'm sorry about your recent loss of your father. I'm 62, and each loss I've endured has changed my life -- of course, it depends on the timing, the relationship and the circumstances too, but losing a parent is a tough one. Thank you so much for your sympathy and understanding.
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You are welcome
Comment from Teri7
My friend I am so sorry you had to go through this. This is a very beautiful poem you have penned in remembrance of him. I can see in the picture that you two favor. It is so sad to lose loved ones here. I have lost several in death too. You did a beautiful job! love and blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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My friend I am so sorry you had to go through this. This is a very beautiful poem you have penned in remembrance of him. I can see in the picture that you two favor. It is so sad to lose loved ones here. I have lost several in death too. You did a beautiful job! love and blessings, Teri
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you Teri, for your beautiful, thoughtful and sensitive review. Yes, we did resemble one another! Thank you for your kind sympathy, and you have mine as well. It's not easy to go through the trials of life, for which we are so often unprepared. I appreciate everything you wrote. God bless you! Love, Mary Kay
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for sharing this moving portrait of your brother in this poem. Your rhymes don't fit a known structure but they flow free like the meter and the subject. I especially liked your "reverse personification"
"John, you were, that sure and steady beat,
Behind the scenes to make the sound complete"
Well done and best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you for sharing this moving portrait of your brother in this poem. Your rhymes don't fit a known structure but they flow free like the meter and the subject. I especially liked your "reverse personification"
"John, you were, that sure and steady beat,
Behind the scenes to make the sound complete"
Well done and best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, Helen, for your beautiful review of my poem! And for the Exceptional rating with six stars! I appreciate all that you said about my poem, the way you understand how I wrote it. I don't know if I will do well in the contest with the irregular rhyme structure, but it just came from my heart, and I wouldn't want to change it. Thanks for your encouragement!
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I think the unconventional rhyme scheme was refreshing!
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Thank you so much, Helen! :-)
Comment from gingermo
What a wonderful though deeply sad tribute to your brother. I agree with you, writing poetry helps with the grief when one close to you dies, though the pain remains for a long, long time, maybe forever. Your brother was a great guy, I know this from his picture and from your poem.
Your poem has great rhythm and I enjoyed the rhymes. I'm sure your brother would be (is) proud of you. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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What a wonderful though deeply sad tribute to your brother. I agree with you, writing poetry helps with the grief when one close to you dies, though the pain remains for a long, long time, maybe forever. Your brother was a great guy, I know this from his picture and from your poem.
Your poem has great rhythm and I enjoyed the rhymes. I'm sure your brother would be (is) proud of you. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much for your beautiful and sensitive review. He was a really great guy. You should have seen the guys in leather jackets, crying at his wake. We still tell stories about him, among family and friends. His sense of humor was really off the wall. I miss him terribly. Thank you for understanding! God bless you.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
This was such an awesome offering, Mary Kay! Your tribute to your brother reads like a song from a 'bar band' down on the strip... one that definitely does him proud if I 'read him' right, here! :) Great job and best of luck in the contest! ;)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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This was such an awesome offering, Mary Kay! Your tribute to your brother reads like a song from a 'bar band' down on the strip... one that definitely does him proud if I 'read him' right, here! :) Great job and best of luck in the contest! ;)
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you so much, Y.M.! I think John would be proud but maybe just a tiny bit embarrassed? And I would say "Look, you died, I had to say those things, get over it!" ;-)
It's so funny that you sense the music in this song, because I can actually hear it. I haven't picked up a guitar myself, in years, but if I ever get a chance, I would like to get the tune down on this, and maybe the chords. I really like that you picked that up!
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And such would be an appropriate sister response, I would think!! ;) :) Oh, and great idea on the guitar!!
Comment from Drew Delaney
I can't imagine the pain of losing a brother. I have only one too, and he made a guitar and has played for years in different bands.
Your poem is so very sad to read as you write about some of the things you remember about him and then losing him. What a tragedy! Feeling sad for you. Bless you as you still grieve.
Drew xx
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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I can't imagine the pain of losing a brother. I have only one too, and he made a guitar and has played for years in different bands.
Your poem is so very sad to read as you write about some of the things you remember about him and then losing him. What a tragedy! Feeling sad for you. Bless you as you still grieve.
Drew xx
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much, Drew. I appreciate your understanding and compassion, as well as your review. I always knew that I would have a terrible time if we lost him -- and he did have some issues that put him at risk. These issues did not, however, put him at immediate risk, so his death was still very unexpected and really awful for me. Thank you so much! God bless you, too.
xoxo
Comment from Therese Caron
This is a beautiful tribute to your brother and I am so sorry for your loss. I really love the fourth stanza. This poem is so lovely and so sad, and you express both so well. I love his picture. I hope you can hang on to the happy memories. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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This is a beautiful tribute to your brother and I am so sorry for your loss. I really love the fourth stanza. This poem is so lovely and so sad, and you express both so well. I love his picture. I hope you can hang on to the happy memories. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you very much, Therese for your excellent and compassionate review. I really appreciate your understanding and sympathy. It's a very deep loss. xoxo
Comment from Ricky1024
"If I Could"
Is a Rhyming Poetry Contest Entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
...
It is extremely important Mary, to keep his name alive!
...
After I lost my son Jason first, followed only eight short months later by my wife Carolyn Ann...
I was literally, a Living Mess wanting to die.
...
Instead, I started writing and I haven't stopped!
Started right on Jason's Deli computer less than three weeks after his passing.
...
And in tears, I wrote my very first poem.
(A Trophy Winner with The International Society of Poets.
In Washington DC.
"Buddy Friend"
Written April 14th, 2003
By Richard Edward Smrkovsky
(A Dedicated Poem from
'Jay,' to his many friends)
<><><><>©<><><><>®<>
"Buddy Friend'
(4 Your Eyes Only)
'I'm not here right now but I'm not far...
'I'm in a place close by...
'Not far as a Star...
...
'You'll feel this place...
'Just take a moment...
'You'll see...
'And, then you will know...
'Just where I'll *Be...
Editor's Notes: *Be adj.
place, location, Heaven.
On March 31st the end of that month
For my family and myself the living nightmare began.
Austin 17 hours later after tapping Jason skull and thousands of dollars anti swelling medication he was pronounced brain-dead.
...
And to learn more about..
Organ-Tissue Donations?'
Simply contact my dear friend Lara S. Moretti
The L.S.W.with..
The Gift of Life!
PhiladelphiaPennsylvania
At 1-800-DONORS-1
...
"And, the Stars stood Still...
As the Angels cried tears from Heaven above...
"For they were so happy in live...
*For finally, their brother Jay...
"Would be coming home that day...
...
Good luck with this and have a Blessed week!
Doctor Ricky 1024
PS.
Jay had a band but played the Key Board and drums.
The name of His Band?
"Four Ways to Save"
Chaz
(Heart and Lungs)
Bill from Philadelphia
(Kidney)
Unknown man from Philly, also
(Liver lived Eight years)
Unknown female child from South Jersey
(Kidney)
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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"If I Could"
Is a Rhyming Poetry Contest Entry.
Rich in Theme and Imagery
It also, read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
...
It is extremely important Mary, to keep his name alive!
...
After I lost my son Jason first, followed only eight short months later by my wife Carolyn Ann...
I was literally, a Living Mess wanting to die.
...
Instead, I started writing and I haven't stopped!
Started right on Jason's Deli computer less than three weeks after his passing.
...
And in tears, I wrote my very first poem.
(A Trophy Winner with The International Society of Poets.
In Washington DC.
"Buddy Friend"
Written April 14th, 2003
By Richard Edward Smrkovsky
(A Dedicated Poem from
'Jay,' to his many friends)
<><><><>©<><><><>®<>
"Buddy Friend'
(4 Your Eyes Only)
'I'm not here right now but I'm not far...
'I'm in a place close by...
'Not far as a Star...
...
'You'll feel this place...
'Just take a moment...
'You'll see...
'And, then you will know...
'Just where I'll *Be...
Editor's Notes: *Be adj.
place, location, Heaven.
On March 31st the end of that month
For my family and myself the living nightmare began.
Austin 17 hours later after tapping Jason skull and thousands of dollars anti swelling medication he was pronounced brain-dead.
...
And to learn more about..
Organ-Tissue Donations?'
Simply contact my dear friend Lara S. Moretti
The L.S.W.with..
The Gift of Life!
PhiladelphiaPennsylvania
At 1-800-DONORS-1
...
"And, the Stars stood Still...
As the Angels cried tears from Heaven above...
"For they were so happy in live...
*For finally, their brother Jay...
"Would be coming home that day...
...
Good luck with this and have a Blessed week!
Doctor Ricky 1024
PS.
Jay had a band but played the Key Board and drums.
The name of His Band?
"Four Ways to Save"
Chaz
(Heart and Lungs)
Bill from Philadelphia
(Kidney)
Unknown man from Philly, also
(Liver lived Eight years)
Unknown female child from South Jersey
(Kidney)
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Ricky, I'm overwhelmed! Not just by your rating of six, but by your very encouraging review, and the heart-wrenching poetry you shared about Jason... also, each time you share a little bit more of the story, I understand a little more about you.
You won a trophy! But I know that you would rather have your son, than a million trophies, or even a Pulitzer prize. "And, the Stars stood Still..." -- what a beautiful line!
To think of that idea: a band called, "Four Ways to Save." John would be joining him, just under two years later.
Yes, writing is a lifeline. I'm going through a lot right now, and I can't attribute it all to loss. I need to be using my gift of writing, more. We know it's a gift from God. Thanks be to God that you found it, just two weeks after you lost your precious boy.
Thank you again, so much, for your encouragement.
-
After I competed in DC in 05 and then in Vegas at the Riviera Hotel and Casino.
And, won Beautiful Crystal Statuette trophy with the Earth on top.
I went downhill with a second depression!
...
For a long six months I slept with a butcher knife and contemplated my death!
On December 1st 2006 only 5 days before my dead wife's 54th birthday...
..
I woke up, out of my mind, I grabbed 7 inch serrated steak knife...
And, with no hesitation...
Out of the kitchen drawer...
And, shoved it into my chest..
Not once but twice trying hit my Heart!
(Hit the valve)
Unknown, that I bleeding internally...
But watching my Guinea tee externally...
Turn a bright crimson Red...
I went iyo my bed...
Anticipating my death!
...
I laid for 20 minutes expecting to be transported to see my son in Heaven?
...
Not successful, I went back out into that living room...
Again grabbed that 7inch serrated steak knife...
And, slashed the left side of my neck deeply...
But not once nor twice but thrice!
Now expecting to find a jugular?
And, now bleed internally...
And, even more externally??
...
Again back to the bedroom and again no success?
Damn that was when the phone rang in my ex-girlfriend Nancy Esposito called!
'I didn't like your tone of voice last night I'm going to come over!'
'And, Ias if something's very wrong!:
...
at that point, if she had seen what I done to myself?
She would had a Heart attack!
Since she already had Heart problems.
...
the first to respond was one loan Stafford Township police officer, who asked me who did this to you?
I said I did it!
...
Follow 10 minutes later with two paramedics.
Who asked who did this to you?
I can respond it I did it!
'Can you stand?'
I was asked.
at that moment, and controlling my blood pressure and breathing.
I stood up and the Greater and deeper wound, released a torrent of blood.
Eight feet across the room...
And, hit the one Paramedic in the face!
...
Then the next half hour, more police officers came and one with canine!
Yes, searching under my house and up in the attic!
After taping off the entire premises!
They could not believe that I had done that to myself!
...
A team from Ocean County Investigators Office showed up.
And, also a fire truck and other interesting vehicles.
...
And finally after the paramedics came?
Off I went in the ambulance to Atlantic City Trauma Hospital in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
..
right before the surgeon who took his left finger and shoved it in the second hole which I did feel and ask me again..
'Who did this to you?'
I replied Satan!
Note:
this extreme incident change my life desperately, which I needed to do!
And, no human being, who loves so much, would not have attempted the same.
I've talked about this publicly before and even posted it here on fanstory entitled...
"Triple Suicide Dance!"
A journey to Wellness in Toms River Double Trouble four-leaf of depression of the mentally ill and addictions from the alcoholics and drug addicts I was asked to talk.
He said the subject would be your choice.
so I said heroin overdose my daughter's girlfriend died recently + a person I met on plenty fishes son committed suicide.
So then he said do you mean suicide Ricky?
I shared that story for the first time with 40 interested people.
one by one some of them got up and stood and talked about that subject of suicide either wanting to do it doing it or unsuccessfully or knowing somebody.
And lastly a mentally ill woman who was not born quite normal-looking had breast cancer.
She stated that on Saturday she was going to blow her brains out!
But after listening to you Ricky and everybody else I'm going to get treatment.
...
3 months later without chemo she was cured with simple lumpectomy in in a little radiation!
Extremely lucky.
Four Miracles...
By 40 people...
And, in 40 minutes ..
24
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Ricky, I am completely astounded at what you just shared with me. I am so happy that your triple suicide attempt didn't succeed! It really proves that God's not ready, until He's ready!
And all the rest of it is also mind boggling: all those law enforcement officials, and the doctor, not believing all those injuries could be self inflicted; sharing your story with that group, and in the process, diverting a woman from her intention of suicide... absolutely amazing, Ricky! You are one of a kind. God bless you, my friend.
-
Ask Mary and that's why I call myself....
people who hang with me...
"Mister Amazing!"
Believe me you're only seeing the tip of the iceberg!
And, when I start publishing my 675 + books.
And turn some of them into TV shows and movies...
Then you will realize why.
My Wake Up Shake Up Platform?
Will soon start.
With a Little Help from God, Kelly and Ryan..
Lara S.Moretti the L.S.W.
From the Gift of Life!
And my book entitled...
"The Gift of Life!"
Comment from Rhymer
I can relate to your feelings in every way Mary. Losing loved ones - both family and dear friends - I lost three this past Christmas week - is always a reminder of how short life is for us all, but more so for others! Poetry has been a balm for me on many an occasion, and I can appreciate the feelings of angst and frustration you went through. as obvious in your poem. I keep a special file that keeps their memory fresh in my mind. One I pull out and read when my mood demands. A great time to reminisce. Fondest regards, Denis.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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I can relate to your feelings in every way Mary. Losing loved ones - both family and dear friends - I lost three this past Christmas week - is always a reminder of how short life is for us all, but more so for others! Poetry has been a balm for me on many an occasion, and I can appreciate the feelings of angst and frustration you went through. as obvious in your poem. I keep a special file that keeps their memory fresh in my mind. One I pull out and read when my mood demands. A great time to reminisce. Fondest regards, Denis.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thanks Denis, for your beautiful and personal review -- for your understanding and sharing. Our writing does prove to be an essential and dependable outlet. And it does help us to remember. xoxo
- Mary Kay
Comment from DR DIP
Mary this is a wonderful story in verse but if I can make a humble suggestion
This is a rhyming poem contest as you have stated and you will find Admin will be pretty strict on rhyme scheme throughout. Even though you have some lovely rhyming words, your rhyme schemes and length of each verse need to be more consistent especially when be adjudicated for a contest.
respectfully Dip
I am sorry for your loss
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Mary this is a wonderful story in verse but if I can make a humble suggestion
This is a rhyming poem contest as you have stated and you will find Admin will be pretty strict on rhyme scheme throughout. Even though you have some lovely rhyming words, your rhyme schemes and length of each verse need to be more consistent especially when be adjudicated for a contest.
respectfully Dip
I am sorry for your loss
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2020
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Thank you so very much, Dip, for your kind expression of sympathy, and also for your concern about the technical aspects of my poem. I would like to ask you more about this, in a private message. Much appreciation!