Aaron's Dragons
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Aaron's Dragons"An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs
27 total reviews
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a well-written, promising beginning to your story. A knight on an adventure, intriguing. What do I think should hatch from the eggs? My first thought is pixies, something magical perhaps something that gives him magic or special powers. I think if I get to know your character better, I can come up with less conventional ideas.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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This is a well-written, promising beginning to your story. A knight on an adventure, intriguing. What do I think should hatch from the eggs? My first thought is pixies, something magical perhaps something that gives him magic or special powers. I think if I get to know your character better, I can come up with less conventional ideas.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Thanks. This promises to be a lot of fun. I don't think Aaron will practice magic, but I thought Demon's reaction to the house was a pretty good clue that there's plenty of that. So far nobody seems to have picked up on it. I think the first egg will hatch later tonight. I hope you will stay tuned and meet the little guy.
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I just thought Demon had a bad vibe from the evil that once existed.
Comment from Sallyo
tho
though
(tho is poetic and not normally used in narrative).
This is a clever peg for a beginning and I'm glad I came in on Chapter One. Might be some gryphons or basilisks in those other eggs.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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tho
though
(tho is poetic and not normally used in narrative).
This is a clever peg for a beginning and I'm glad I came in on Chapter One. Might be some gryphons or basilisks in those other eggs.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Thanks. I hope you will enjoy my story. I'm looking forward to hatching the eggs. I'll fix tho by the end of the day.
Comment from JudyE
I really enjoyed reading this, having the old knight knocked off by a branch and Demon waiting for him.
I picked up a few spags but ignore any you don't agree with.
Most days he sat under an old elm tree watching for pheasants or partridges while Demon grazed. He wasn't as quick with his bow and arrow as he used to be, but most days he was able to bag a couple of birds for the royal table. - comma after 'Most days' and you've repeated 'most days' a bit further on. I might have tried to use something different for one or the other.
If the dragon lore he'd heard was true, each hatchling to be could have - hyphenate 'hatchling to be'
By law the eggs must be taken to the king. - comma after 'law'
In the past they had been served - comma after 'past'
Aaron had heard they were delicious, tho he had never tasted one - I'm not sure why you'd abbreviate 'tho' rather than using 'though' but it's probably not important
Gently he placed them into his saddle bags - I might have hyphenated 'saddle-bags'
Of course there's no witch there now, if there ever was. - comma after 'course'
You know talk of that nonsense keeps people away. We'll be making a stop on our way home. - speech marks needed after 'home'
"Relax, bud," he told a horse who was very anxious to leave - should be 'the horse' and comma after 'horse'. Maybe 'which was very anxious to leave' rather than 'who was...'
You might as well get used to it, cause we're going to be spending some time here. - apostrophe before 'cause' - 'cause we're
I wish I had the imagination to suggest what the eggs might be but hopefully others will have some good ideas.
Thanks for a fun read.
Judy
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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I really enjoyed reading this, having the old knight knocked off by a branch and Demon waiting for him.
I picked up a few spags but ignore any you don't agree with.
Most days he sat under an old elm tree watching for pheasants or partridges while Demon grazed. He wasn't as quick with his bow and arrow as he used to be, but most days he was able to bag a couple of birds for the royal table. - comma after 'Most days' and you've repeated 'most days' a bit further on. I might have tried to use something different for one or the other.
If the dragon lore he'd heard was true, each hatchling to be could have - hyphenate 'hatchling to be'
By law the eggs must be taken to the king. - comma after 'law'
In the past they had been served - comma after 'past'
Aaron had heard they were delicious, tho he had never tasted one - I'm not sure why you'd abbreviate 'tho' rather than using 'though' but it's probably not important
Gently he placed them into his saddle bags - I might have hyphenated 'saddle-bags'
Of course there's no witch there now, if there ever was. - comma after 'course'
You know talk of that nonsense keeps people away. We'll be making a stop on our way home. - speech marks needed after 'home'
"Relax, bud," he told a horse who was very anxious to leave - should be 'the horse' and comma after 'horse'. Maybe 'which was very anxious to leave' rather than 'who was...'
You might as well get used to it, cause we're going to be spending some time here. - apostrophe before 'cause' - 'cause we're
I wish I had the imagination to suggest what the eggs might be but hopefully others will have some good ideas.
Thanks for a fun read.
Judy
Comment Written 22-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Thanks. I hope you will enjoy the rest of my story. I'll get on that spag by the end of the day.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
A dragon story:) good thing that he didn't decide to try them for breakfast. Now we cannot wait to see what will become of them. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writing.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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A dragon story:) good thing that he didn't decide to try them for breakfast. Now we cannot wait to see what will become of them. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writing.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Thanks. If he ate them I'd have no story! I'm looking forward to hatching each egg. Not all of them will be nice. It should be fun.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Interest in the grows continuously, new twists and climax, old knight Aaron, over and above guarding the forest with his old horse, now he finds eggs; new fantasies to move; well said, well done.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Interest in the grows continuously, new twists and climax, old knight Aaron, over and above guarding the forest with his old horse, now he finds eggs; new fantasies to move; well said, well done.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Thanks. I'm so glad I caught your interest. I think this book is going to be fun.
Comment from beizanten
Attention capturing tittle and beautiful picture. A very interesting beginning paragraph. A very well-written story. I like how you humanized the character
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Attention capturing tittle and beautiful picture. A very interesting beginning paragraph. A very well-written story. I like how you humanized the character
Comment Written 22-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Thanks. This promises to be a lot of fun. Aaron's going to have his hands full when they start to hatch!
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I normally don't read fantasy, but I too am curious about the dragon eggs. If he is there when they hatch, they may consider him their mother and do anything for him. If/when the king found out, he'd be hunted down, but the dragons would help him. That's how I see the book progressing. Could be wrong. :)
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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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I normally don't read fantasy, but I too am curious about the dragon eggs. If he is there when they hatch, they may consider him their mother and do anything for him. If/when the king found out, he'd be hunted down, but the dragons would help him. That's how I see the book progressing. Could be wrong. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
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Thanks. Glad you're curious. Not all of the dragons will be nice. I think this is going to be a lot of fun.