Mr. Windows
Linda can not stop playing a game on her lap top.37 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
Oh dear he killed the other man in her life and now she's his again to order about as he likes, or so he believes.
The dialogue is excellent, typical husband and wife accusations and counter accusations. The theme is up to date, addiction to computer games. The structure and flow of the write are both worthy.
I would have preferred a less predictably violent denouement. Maybe an intervention! Does that make me a wimp? Probably.
Best of luck in the contest.
Blessings Julia
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Oh dear he killed the other man in her life and now she's his again to order about as he likes, or so he believes.
The dialogue is excellent, typical husband and wife accusations and counter accusations. The theme is up to date, addiction to computer games. The structure and flow of the write are both worthy.
I would have preferred a less predictably violent denouement. Maybe an intervention! Does that make me a wimp? Probably.
Best of luck in the contest.
Blessings Julia
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
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You're welcome my friend
Comment from Ulla
Oh, dear, the friction that can be created when it comes to the call of the Internet. I feared the worst but was relieved it didn't go any further.LOL. I loved the picture and recognised the old houses along the channel of Nyhavn in Copenhagen.(I am Danish after all) and grew up just outside Copenhagen. Yes, the old building in the inner city has a lot of windows. I loved the metaphor. Good luck. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Oh, dear, the friction that can be created when it comes to the call of the Internet. I feared the worst but was relieved it didn't go any further.LOL. I loved the picture and recognised the old houses along the channel of Nyhavn in Copenhagen.(I am Danish after all) and grew up just outside Copenhagen. Yes, the old building in the inner city has a lot of windows. I loved the metaphor. Good luck. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
Comment from estory
I thought it really dramatized the disconnect between people caused by technology. I thought it actually went really well with the poem I just posted, Interconnectivity. The maddening frustration of having relationships stretched by people's absorbtion by machines. I like how you created something of a persona for the computer by naming it Mr. Windows. The dialogue was crisp and realistic, you really find yourself between these two husband and wife arguing. You feel the tension. I think the only thing you have to think about is the guy getting the gun and loading it. I know he's only going to shoot the machine, but it does smack a bit of spousal violence, domestic violence, so you might want to consider toning that down a bit. Overall, provocative and interesting. estory
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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I thought it really dramatized the disconnect between people caused by technology. I thought it actually went really well with the poem I just posted, Interconnectivity. The maddening frustration of having relationships stretched by people's absorbtion by machines. I like how you created something of a persona for the computer by naming it Mr. Windows. The dialogue was crisp and realistic, you really find yourself between these two husband and wife arguing. You feel the tension. I think the only thing you have to think about is the guy getting the gun and loading it. I know he's only going to shoot the machine, but it does smack a bit of spousal violence, domestic violence, so you might want to consider toning that down a bit. Overall, provocative and interesting. estory
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
Comment from Coco Jane
Great work here! The story moves along well and makes sense with just the dialogue.
A couple of mechanical considerations.
Better Homes and Gardens should be italicized instead of enclosed in quotation marks.
Sit-down dinner needs a hyphen.
I like the seeming reconciliation at the end . . . but oh, that demand for eggs--this feud is gonna keep on going, isn't it?
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Great work here! The story moves along well and makes sense with just the dialogue.
A couple of mechanical considerations.
Better Homes and Gardens should be italicized instead of enclosed in quotation marks.
Sit-down dinner needs a hyphen.
I like the seeming reconciliation at the end . . . but oh, that demand for eggs--this feud is gonna keep on going, isn't it?
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
HAHAHAHAHAH!! Now THAT's a hilarious entry! Who SAYS violence isn't a solution to a couple's problems?!! This is terrific in that I didn't like either of these people very much, but in the end, even though neither one of them got hurt, I still ended up laughing and smiling. TERRIFIC job here! Good luck to you in the contest. xo
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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HAHAHAHAHAH!! Now THAT's a hilarious entry! Who SAYS violence isn't a solution to a couple's problems?!! This is terrific in that I didn't like either of these people very much, but in the end, even though neither one of them got hurt, I still ended up laughing and smiling. TERRIFIC job here! Good luck to you in the contest. xo
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
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You're so welcome!! xo
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was brilliant! Virtual 6! It is so near to a true story that I could believe it will happen one day. These machines are putting huge cracks in marriages and that is not right. Well done, I really enjoyed this, especially the twist at the end. LOL. :)) Good luck in the contest. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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That was brilliant! Virtual 6! It is so near to a true story that I could believe it will happen one day. These machines are putting huge cracks in marriages and that is not right. Well done, I really enjoyed this, especially the twist at the end. LOL. :)) Good luck in the contest. Sandra xx
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank You!
Comment from giraffmang
LOL, I enjoyed this piece. it is a lot of fun, especially the ending. not particularly pc these days but who cares! lol
Leave me alone with my lap top - laptop can be a single word here (and subsequently).
a guy named, Mr. Windows. I can't wait until a few panes get broken.- nice and clever.
Go belly ache someplace else - bellyache can be a single word here.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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LOL, I enjoyed this piece. it is a lot of fun, especially the ending. not particularly pc these days but who cares! lol
Leave me alone with my lap top - laptop can be a single word here (and subsequently).
a guy named, Mr. Windows. I can't wait until a few panes get broken.- nice and clever.
Go belly ache someplace else - bellyache can be a single word here.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank you!!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Those games can be addictive and hard to put down and we seem to be chasing some kind of a dream that gets into our head. There is some fun natural dialogue here and I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Those games can be addictive and hard to put down and we seem to be chasing some kind of a dream that gets into our head. There is some fun natural dialogue here and I wish you luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Cindy Warren
Haha, I'm sure there are many partners (and parents) of the video game addicted who have been tempted to do exactly that! Thanks for the laugh. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Haha, I'm sure there are many partners (and parents) of the video game addicted who have been tempted to do exactly that! Thanks for the laugh. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with your contest entry, Gunner Lil. I enjoyed reading it. I wasn't sure what was going to happen with the gun. I believe it is easy to get caught up in those games on the computer. I have taken all of mine off before I even started using mine. Good job and best wishes. Jan
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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You did a good job with your contest entry, Gunner Lil. I enjoyed reading it. I wasn't sure what was going to happen with the gun. I believe it is easy to get caught up in those games on the computer. I have taken all of mine off before I even started using mine. Good job and best wishes. Jan
Comment Written 05-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
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Thank You!