The Eternal Sweater
Free style24 total reviews
Comment from misscookie
You captured my attention from the first line to the last, your words are so true the thing we humans put ourselves through trying to hold on to our love one by keeping material thing
as Dr. Phil on TV always says " How is that working for you?"
Thank you for sharing
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reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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You captured my attention from the first line to the last, your words are so true the thing we humans put ourselves through trying to hold on to our love one by keeping material thing
as Dr. Phil on TV always says " How is that working for you?"
Thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Lol, yes Dr. Phil it's kind of working okay, I guess... thanks for the read and review :))
Carol
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Your very welcome.
Have a nice say.
Cookie
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is beautifully
written, Carol, and
requires no picture;
it wouldn't do justice to your poem.
-Your heart is in this from
the beginning to end
and your words create the best picture.
-Even the description of
the cardboard is vivid.
-Thanks for sharing, and
I hope that writing this
helped ease things a little.
-I am deeply moved by
your poem.
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
 |
-This is beautifully
written, Carol, and
requires no picture;
it wouldn't do justice to your poem.
-Your heart is in this from
the beginning to end
and your words create the best picture.
-Even the description of
the cardboard is vivid.
-Thanks for sharing, and
I hope that writing this
helped ease things a little.
-I am deeply moved by
your poem.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2019
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Some things are better without a picture, to me it can be distracting. Sometimes I prefer reading the book over seeing the movie, you know what I mean? Thanks so much,
Carol
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You are very welcome, Carol, and I agree with you, especially on this poem, as well as books and movies.
Comment from Pantygynt
This is truly magnificent. It carried me along all the way through the first half. Iwas thinking what I have just done with all those old clothes I diddn't want to chuck out. They have made ecellent soft interiors for Penny and her pups to snuggle down into.
Then I read the second half of the poem. I had no idea it would lead in this direction. When one realises how cleverly the first part (that could have gone quite happily beneath a litter of puppies) dovetails into the second, it becomes apparent that this garment is not just any old sweater.
This doesn't need a picture, the poem is its own graphic, especially if, like me, you know the back story. Even if a reader was not familiar with back story's details I feel sure they would grasp the implications.
If you can get through it, this is one you should read at one of your open mic sessions and, with your permission I will give it an airing at poems and pints tomorrw evening.
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019
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This is truly magnificent. It carried me along all the way through the first half. Iwas thinking what I have just done with all those old clothes I diddn't want to chuck out. They have made ecellent soft interiors for Penny and her pups to snuggle down into.
Then I read the second half of the poem. I had no idea it would lead in this direction. When one realises how cleverly the first part (that could have gone quite happily beneath a litter of puppies) dovetails into the second, it becomes apparent that this garment is not just any old sweater.
This doesn't need a picture, the poem is its own graphic, especially if, like me, you know the back story. Even if a reader was not familiar with back story's details I feel sure they would grasp the implications.
If you can get through it, this is one you should read at one of your open mic sessions and, with your permission I will give it an airing at poems and pints tomorrw evening.
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2019
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You can always wash the old clothes...they may not be quite the same, however. Philip is always trying to get me to clean out the closets and get rid of stuff we don't use. Easier said than done...
Of course you can read the poem, that's a good idea as I haven't gotten myself up to writing a rondeau :)
Carol
Comment from phill doran
Hello again
If I could suggest one thing it would be to never use picture. I recall that when they staged The Elephant Man, the lead actor(s) used no prosthetics: it was felt that if they physically created the image of the man it would stifle the audiences ability to imagine. I feel that way about poetry. The words Carol: it is only ever about the words. Just like with you piece 'far out', the absence of a picture ADDS to your work. Let the reader find their own pain, their own dream - and stretch it on your framework.
You write so well. I would have brought in line breaks to pace the text for the reader, but that is just cosmetic. However, I felt that these lines;
"I thought you would want this", but no, you never
wanted to have to keep this thing
may have been better read as
"I thought you would want this", but no,
you never wanted to have to keep this thing
This is the smallest of points and a matter of personal preference only, I know.
You dig so deep and yet work so lightly. It is a pleasure to hear you.
I wish you well with your continued writing,
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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Hello again
If I could suggest one thing it would be to never use picture. I recall that when they staged The Elephant Man, the lead actor(s) used no prosthetics: it was felt that if they physically created the image of the man it would stifle the audiences ability to imagine. I feel that way about poetry. The words Carol: it is only ever about the words. Just like with you piece 'far out', the absence of a picture ADDS to your work. Let the reader find their own pain, their own dream - and stretch it on your framework.
You write so well. I would have brought in line breaks to pace the text for the reader, but that is just cosmetic. However, I felt that these lines;
"I thought you would want this", but no, you never
wanted to have to keep this thing
may have been better read as
"I thought you would want this", but no,
you never wanted to have to keep this thing
This is the smallest of points and a matter of personal preference only, I know.
You dig so deep and yet work so lightly. It is a pleasure to hear you.
I wish you well with your continued writing,
cheers
phill
Comment Written 15-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2019
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I think you are right, honestly. That's why for readers, it is almost always disappointing to see a movie based on a book we have read. I like your suggestion about rearranging those lines - many thanks for that, and for your support of my work!
Carol