Where Jenny Lies
Ghost of a little girl57 total reviews
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I found your poem haunting. I'm working on an essay about the Donner Party, so the mention of wagon trains and Indians were of interest to me.
I wonder if you read something that inspired you to write this poem?
Thanks for sharing your poem with us.
Pam
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I found your poem haunting. I'm working on an essay about the Donner Party, so the mention of wagon trains and Indians were of interest to me.
I wonder if you read something that inspired you to write this poem?
Thanks for sharing your poem with us.
Pam
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from Panash
Good rhyming. The story was just fine for me. Nothing against your writing, simply personal preferences. Maybe it was something at the end that just kind of bugged me. It was like you had your hook, but then immediately, let the fish go.
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Good rhyming. The story was just fine for me. Nothing against your writing, simply personal preferences. Maybe it was something at the end that just kind of bugged me. It was like you had your hook, but then immediately, let the fish go.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Willie,
This poem flows well with its abcb rhyming that is unforced.
This is a sad dream/vision. I hope your talk made it easier for her to pass over. It is so sad when such deaths happen so quickly and unexpectedly. Not unlike the mass shootings we hear about almost everyday. I wonder if any of those victims visit someone here before they find peace.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great weekend,
Joan
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Hi Willie,
This poem flows well with its abcb rhyming that is unforced.
This is a sad dream/vision. I hope your talk made it easier for her to pass over. It is so sad when such deaths happen so quickly and unexpectedly. Not unlike the mass shootings we hear about almost everyday. I wonder if any of those victims visit someone here before they find peace.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a great weekend,
Joan
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This seems to be a dream or ghostly appearance of this little lost girl searching for her family. The verse has a poignancy and old-fashioned style about it conveying a sense of timelessness and ethereal quality. It's an unusual read but a memorable one that stays with the reader. Thanks for sharing, Willie, Debbie
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This seems to be a dream or ghostly appearance of this little lost girl searching for her family. The verse has a poignancy and old-fashioned style about it conveying a sense of timelessness and ethereal quality. It's an unusual read but a memorable one that stays with the reader. Thanks for sharing, Willie, Debbie
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from godlucifer
for some reason i thought your story was interesting. i know it was sad and depressing because of the little girl. but it told an interesting n entertaining story. your poem was well crafted. thanks for the read.
truly
godlucifer
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for some reason i thought your story was interesting. i know it was sad and depressing because of the little girl. but it told an interesting n entertaining story. your poem was well crafted. thanks for the read.
truly
godlucifer
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from GWHARGIS
As a parent, this made me ache. You always want your children safe, even after they pass. You hate to think of them roaming the earth searching for you. Wonderful poem here. Gave me lots of emotions. Gretchen
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As a parent, this made me ache. You always want your children safe, even after they pass. You hate to think of them roaming the earth searching for you. Wonderful poem here. Gave me lots of emotions. Gretchen
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from jim vecchio
As a western fan, I was happy to read your poem. There are no major errors, no criticism, but this is just a suggestion: Remember, efficiency of words (and this comes from an old windbag!) and structure in storytelling. Here are a couple of suggestions: This may sound very trivial, but in poetry, every word counts. Instead of "when she started" maybe "AS she started"? Also "When she started telling her story, she began to cry" might also be "As she told me her story, tears fell from her eye" Just suggestions from a writer who can't write poetry as well as you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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As a western fan, I was happy to read your poem. There are no major errors, no criticism, but this is just a suggestion: Remember, efficiency of words (and this comes from an old windbag!) and structure in storytelling. Here are a couple of suggestions: This may sound very trivial, but in poetry, every word counts. Instead of "when she started" maybe "AS she started"? Also "When she started telling her story, she began to cry" might also be "As she told me her story, tears fell from her eye" Just suggestions from a writer who can't write poetry as well as you!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from Teri7
Wille, This is a really well written poem you have penned about this little girl. You used great descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose to go with your words. Great job my friend! Blessings, Teri
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Wille, This is a really well written poem you have penned about this little girl. You used great descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose to go with your words. Great job my friend! Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from Raul1
I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to your family and friends. It is interesting. Excellent work! No mistakes found in your poem. I like it. Thank you for sharing!
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I am so sorry for your loss. My condolences to your family and friends. It is interesting. Excellent work! No mistakes found in your poem. I like it. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I enjoyed reading. It's very creative and a little haunting. It causes me to pause and wonder about the many children lost over the years.
And In a flash, she was gone. (lower case 'i' on 'in')
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Thank you for sharing this poem with us. I enjoyed reading. It's very creative and a little haunting. It causes me to pause and wonder about the many children lost over the years.
And In a flash, she was gone. (lower case 'i' on 'in')
Comment Written 23-Jun-2023