Ireland Dear Ireland
An exile returns to the land of his birth33 total reviews
Comment from meeshu
a fascinating glimpse at the lives and culture of Ireland. completely unknown to me I relish the chance to learn from you, Lord....................meeshu
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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a fascinating glimpse at the lives and culture of Ireland. completely unknown to me I relish the chance to learn from you, Lord....................meeshu
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thanks for the positive review Meeshu.
Best
John
Comment from RGstar
I read through, and I say to you , this is a six star write...aura, great wording and a good storyline. I always like to see author's that are comfortable with what they write. It shows. Some try to hard, and is evident.
If it wasn't for the fact a few commas missing in places, and we have limited six stars, this would have received.
Excellent.
Keep em coming.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I read through, and I say to you , this is a six star write...aura, great wording and a good storyline. I always like to see author's that are comfortable with what they write. It shows. Some try to hard, and is evident.
If it wasn't for the fact a few commas missing in places, and we have limited six stars, this would have received.
Excellent.
Keep em coming.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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RGstar thank you for those words. I am honoured and you are completely right about the punctuation. A weakness of mine. I tend to rush my post. I need ti get in the mentality of rrviewing my work more thoroughly. Problem is my mindset is taken up by other work. I just squeeze my writing in here and there. I thank you for your very sincere review and the great compliment you paid my writing. It is most genuinely appreciated.
Best
John
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My pleasure...enjoyed it :)
Comment from Jan Anderegg
What a great story. Loved this line:
The passenger grimaced as every bone in his seventy year body seemed to rattle in synch with the windows that threatened to take leave of the old bus.
Wonderful descriptions of the countryside.
Aww, so sad that he lost his beloved one, Karen.
Loved your closing line too.
Soft whispers from the welcoming sea breeze spread the word that the Prodigal son had come home.
Truly beautiful story with great imagery and natural flowing dialogue. Perhaps it's because I have a lot of Irish heritage, but this story really moved me. Six stars.
Well done!
Jan Anderegg
(Author of the 'Julu' series)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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What a great story. Loved this line:
The passenger grimaced as every bone in his seventy year body seemed to rattle in synch with the windows that threatened to take leave of the old bus.
Wonderful descriptions of the countryside.
Aww, so sad that he lost his beloved one, Karen.
Loved your closing line too.
Soft whispers from the welcoming sea breeze spread the word that the Prodigal son had come home.
Truly beautiful story with great imagery and natural flowing dialogue. Perhaps it's because I have a lot of Irish heritage, but this story really moved me. Six stars.
Well done!
Jan Anderegg
(Author of the 'Julu' series)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Woe Jan thank you so much. I am very flattered and honoured. Your praise and comments are greatly appreciated. I am delighted that this piece managed to strike a personal chord with at least one of my readers. I am encouraged.
Thank you again.
Best
John
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
What a wonderful feeling comes through in this homecoming piece. I almost feel what he does looking out on my homeland after all those years away. He's had a good life, but now it's time to finish his life where it began. Bravo! Good job!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
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What a wonderful feeling comes through in this homecoming piece. I almost feel what he does looking out on my homeland after all those years away. He's had a good life, but now it's time to finish his life where it began. Bravo! Good job!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
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I am happy you felt that feeling Phyllis. That is the emotion I was trying to pull from my readers with this little story about reconnection.
Best
John
Comment from LaFrance
I enjoyed your story of going back to Ireland. The description of the bus traveling down the road was very colorful. It was easy to get enriched into his quest.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
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I enjoyed your story of going back to Ireland. The description of the bus traveling down the road was very colorful. It was easy to get enriched into his quest.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2019
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Thank you France. I enjoyed writing this. Glad you got into the story.
Best
John
Comment from Shirley McLain
I love that story. You did an excellent job. Your storyline is wonderful and your descriptions put me there in my mind. I've had the privilege of visiting Ireland and absolutely loved it. The only downside is being from the south in the US is Ireland didn't have ice tea. I'd make my own. Have a great day. Shirley
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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I love that story. You did an excellent job. Your storyline is wonderful and your descriptions put me there in my mind. I've had the privilege of visiting Ireland and absolutely loved it. The only downside is being from the south in the US is Ireland didn't have ice tea. I'd make my own. Have a great day. Shirley
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Aw Shirley. Ireland is the land of hot black tea, milk and sugar. Iced tea is of the New World, but changes are in place. Lol. I am sure you can find it in more places now though.
Thank you so much for the six stars Shirley. It means a lot to this little story.
Best
John
Comment from kiwijenny
First there are some corrections. Laughed Dermot.....this hangs out by itself like Yoda. Maybe ..Dermot laughed.
Also the golden hay fields freshly mown and the sweet smell of freshly cut grass rising in the air. ....this doesn't seem right...The sweet smell of freshly cut grass rose in the air from the golden freshly mown hayfields.
I love Ireland. It is a magical place and you captured this wonderfully. Great job.
God bless
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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First there are some corrections. Laughed Dermot.....this hangs out by itself like Yoda. Maybe ..Dermot laughed.
Also the golden hay fields freshly mown and the sweet smell of freshly cut grass rising in the air. ....this doesn't seem right...The sweet smell of freshly cut grass rose in the air from the golden freshly mown hayfields.
I love Ireland. It is a magical place and you captured this wonderfully. Great job.
God bless
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Jenny you are like the sister trying to keep her lazy brother out of trouble. Lol. I rushed to publish this and I work through my phone which is not the best editor. I just wanted tio get it out for St Paddys day.
Thank you for taking the time to point out the inconsistencies which I have reworked. Others too have shared their thoughts and I am really appreciating what a helpful group of writers haunt thus site.
Best
John
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Yes I love this site it?s so encouraging
Comment from JudyE
What a lovely story. We're going to Ireland in May. Our son has lived there since the late 1990s. But perhaps I've already told you this.
I picked up a few small points you may want to consider:
The old bus lurched and swayed as it snaked it's way - no apostrophe needed in 'its'.
'Michael shouted to the astonished old herder.
The old herder'
Rather than have 'the old herder' occurring twice, perhaps you could use the opportunity to use a different expression - perhaps 'the wiry old farmer' or somesuch.
Michael learned forward - should be 'Michael leaned forward'.
How is that beautiful American girl you married. - Question mark after 'married'.
But first you will stay for a cup tea - cup of tea.
As the old friends chatted and talked of things long gone as if they had taken place only yesterday. They were accompanied by the sound of lowing cattle. - I think this needs correcting in some way. The easiest way would be to perhaps delete the 'as' at the beginning of the passage.
I love the description as it's just what I'm expecting to see when we next visit.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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What a lovely story. We're going to Ireland in May. Our son has lived there since the late 1990s. But perhaps I've already told you this.
I picked up a few small points you may want to consider:
The old bus lurched and swayed as it snaked it's way - no apostrophe needed in 'its'.
'Michael shouted to the astonished old herder.
The old herder'
Rather than have 'the old herder' occurring twice, perhaps you could use the opportunity to use a different expression - perhaps 'the wiry old farmer' or somesuch.
Michael learned forward - should be 'Michael leaned forward'.
How is that beautiful American girl you married. - Question mark after 'married'.
But first you will stay for a cup tea - cup of tea.
As the old friends chatted and talked of things long gone as if they had taken place only yesterday. They were accompanied by the sound of lowing cattle. - I think this needs correcting in some way. The easiest way would be to perhaps delete the 'as' at the beginning of the passage.
I love the description as it's just what I'm expecting to see when we next visit.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Judy thank you very much for the time and effort you put in to point out these flaws. I am truly grateful. They have all been noted and duly fixed. As I told others I am very bad. I review everything through my phone as I slam the story together. I will have to learn more patience and find the time to use my laptop. :)
You are a star.
Thank you
John
Comment from 24chas
This was a very pleasant story, Lordinajamjar. I love the descriptions of the scenery. The characters were believable and the bus driver was a particular delight. Nice winsomeness at the end as well. Good job.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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This was a very pleasant story, Lordinajamjar. I love the descriptions of the scenery. The characters were believable and the bus driver was a particular delight. Nice winsomeness at the end as well. Good job.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you Chas. I enjoyed penning this short story about the land I love.
Best
John
Comment from Miss Sherry
My Gran came from Ireland and this is like one of her stories. You are a great storyteller, sir. Made me long for a land I have never seen. Excellent characters, details that delight, and an ending that makes one sigh...home. A delight.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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My Gran came from Ireland and this is like one of her stories. You are a great storyteller, sir. Made me long for a land I have never seen. Excellent characters, details that delight, and an ending that makes one sigh...home. A delight.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2019
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019
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Thank you Miss Sherry. I am delighted that you enjoyed this little tale of mine. I am very sincerely honoured to be called a great storyteller by your goodself. I admire your fine work so it means a lot.
Thank you
Best
John
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Blessings to you, dear Poet!