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Viewing comments for Chapter 84 "Pedestrian"Shorter stories
26 total reviews
Comment from WryWriter
I like this modern twist on the virgin birth. Unfortunately, man's attitude towards the intangible hasn't changed much in thousands of years. Nice artwork choice for theme. I counted 102 words. The story transitions well from paragraph to paragraph. I like the "surprise" ending. I really liked this line:
"Well," said Charlie, "somebody has been at this intersection and left a pedestrian."
Good job! Enjoyed!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
I like this modern twist on the virgin birth. Unfortunately, man's attitude towards the intangible hasn't changed much in thousands of years. Nice artwork choice for theme. I counted 102 words. The story transitions well from paragraph to paragraph. I like the "surprise" ending. I really liked this line:
"Well," said Charlie, "somebody has been at this intersection and left a pedestrian."
Good job! Enjoyed!
Comment Written 19-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thanks, WW. One hundred and two is the upper limit for this challenge.
Comment from Earl Corp
I never heard a bun in the oven referred to as a pedestrian left at an intersection. This is a unique take on the Greatest Story Ever Told. It would have been cool if there was no room in the hospital. Good job.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
I never heard a bun in the oven referred to as a pedestrian left at an intersection. This is a unique take on the Greatest Story Ever Told. It would have been cool if there was no room in the hospital. Good job.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thanks, Earl. You're right. I may have to find a way within the hundred words to intimate that.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very interesting and certainly surprise-ending write here. :) :) Your prose is well-written although my MSWord registers it at 103 words (just as a heads-up). :) :) Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the competition. :)
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
A very interesting and certainly surprise-ending write here. :) :) Your prose is well-written although my MSWord registers it at 103 words (just as a heads-up). :) :) Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the competition. :)
Comment Written 19-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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I counted a hundred and two (which is the limit). I'll see if I can lose a word. Thanks, Yvette.
Comment from Dean Kuch
A modern-day telling of the birth of Christ?
Or perhaps a new version of the second coming?
I'm an avid reader of the Book of Revelations.
I absolutely love it--it's hilarious!
Some of the scripture in said book could very easily be applied here.
Well done, Bill.
Best of luck to ya' in the contest.
~Dean
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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
A modern-day telling of the birth of Christ?
Or perhaps a new version of the second coming?
I'm an avid reader of the Book of Revelations.
I absolutely love it--it's hilarious!
Some of the scripture in said book could very easily be applied here.
Well done, Bill.
Best of luck to ya' in the contest.
~Dean
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thanks, Dean. This angel quote comes from Luke. Merry Christmas.
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Merry Christmas, Bill.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Aww, Bill! That was lovely! A perfect flash fiction story for this wonderful Christmas season. Well done, my friend, and Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xxx
Have a lovely Christmas and a fabulous 2019! xx
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reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
Aww, Bill! That was lovely! A perfect flash fiction story for this wonderful Christmas season. Well done, my friend, and Good luck in the contest. :)) Sandra xxx
Have a lovely Christmas and a fabulous 2019! xx
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Comment Written 19-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Sandra. Have a Merry Christmas as well.
Comment from Kelly Grim
Wow! You do a fantastic job with the nurses' comments and their reaction to the young mother, her response, their winces and chuckles "beneath their masks." This uneducated young woman that they mocked is the chosen one! So unexpected! LOVED the ending! It gave me goose bumps!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
Wow! You do a fantastic job with the nurses' comments and their reaction to the young mother, her response, their winces and chuckles "beneath their masks." This uneducated young woman that they mocked is the chosen one! So unexpected! LOVED the ending! It gave me goose bumps!
Comment Written 19-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thank you, Kelly. I hoped it would have just that effect.