Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

Oh wow. My dear C...this gave me goose bumps more than once. So intense and powerful and fiercely expressive...with fantastic imagery, originality, flow and style. A definite six. A memorable write. These passages stick me still:

That day he walked an edge he never
perceived -
a hollow slab that separated
audacity and despair;
a knife-edge where his lion-heart
beat like a thousand drums,
only to burst at last.

AND


and so the stunning mountain fell to earth
in clouds of luminous chaos,
coming to terrible rest, at last, and
streaks of scarlet lay
within the wreckage of white.


Wow.

Breathtaking (literally). So tragic and sad. I'm sorry this happened yo your boyfriend so young. Ouch.


I actually applaud how you did not need to mention snow for the reader to 'know'. It works superbly, being implied by the title and context.


This is insightful too:

the desire for acceptance that
undoes us all.


Anbd this is so well voiced:

Waking was raw rebirth,
the shock fresh each time; wounding;
moments of despair
breaking the dull ubiquity
of death.


Polished work. Masterful!

Love,
rd

 Comment Written 26-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018

Wow, thank you!! I have to tell you, I was thinking about your comments on editing and I did go back through this a fair number of times, tweaking the wording and punctuation. I am humbled and honored by your kind comments about my poem. I was trying to write a prose piece and it just wasn't working out so I did this instead :)

Love,
C

reply by rama devi on 27-Aug-2018

Thanks for your lovely response. I'm deeply pleased my little editing poem inspired you to revise...and it shows. This is polished! :-)))

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

This speaks there are tricks and strategies for survival, your boyfriend died at snowpack conditions; you have now learned how to survive; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR

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 Comment Written 26-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018

Thank you so much,
Carol

Comment from Mastery

Excellent

No, Carol, I was not aware of your loss to the avalanche. How horrible. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have to live with this loss on my conscience. Where were you when it occurred...just curious.

I think this last stanza is very telling, my friend.

"in clouds of luminous chaos,
coming to terrible rest, at last, and
streaks of scarlet lay
within the wreckage of white."

Bless you, Carol. Bob

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 Comment Written 26-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018

I was further up the canyon, also skiing in the backcountry but on much milder slopes. I was probably only about a mile away.

Thanks for reading this, Bob,
Carol

reply by Mastery on 26-Aug-2018

So Sorry. Bob