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Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Snakes in the Wind"Free verse poems
26 total reviews
Comment from royowen
What a tragedy, children are so vulnerable at this age, and infinitely precious, if I had lost one of my girls or, even now a grandchild, I think I would shrivel up. Well done, Carol, so beautifully written my friend, some great literary moments, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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What a tragedy, children are so vulnerable at this age, and infinitely precious, if I had lost one of my girls or, even now a grandchild, I think I would shrivel up. Well done, Carol, so beautifully written my friend, some great literary moments, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much, Roy, I deeply hope that you never go through this kind of loss with your wonderful family! Hugs,
Carol
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Me too Carol.
Comment from Debbie Pope
I love stories set to verse. This story is good, and you tell it well. My favorite part is the stanza that describes the boy's death, that if she had only set aside the cooking, cleaning, etc. she could have seen to him. To me, that describes her hard life, even better than the snakes.
Your poem does an excellent job of portraying this hard, lonely life.
I enjoyed it very much.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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I love stories set to verse. This story is good, and you tell it well. My favorite part is the stanza that describes the boy's death, that if she had only set aside the cooking, cleaning, etc. she could have seen to him. To me, that describes her hard life, even better than the snakes.
Your poem does an excellent job of portraying this hard, lonely life.
I enjoyed it very much.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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When I wrote it I was wishing she had called out to him. But when you second guess yourself - if only I had, etc, etc, it is so destructive. Thanks for reading my tragic story,
Carol
Comment from Flyaway1
This was truly well written. The imagery was powerful. Could feel the dryness of the barren land. It made me hurt to think of living in such a place. I need the water to calm my soul.
The story told was well spun through the verses. I could feel that grief. How do you survive getting over the death of a child? My daughter came close to death due to bone cancer. I remember thinking I would not be me anymore if I lost her. I can still find that grief just underneath of what might have been. It's a hollow dark place that I leave alone. "The staring of in space, the defeat" You wrote the grief.
I have no comments to improve this story/poem.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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This was truly well written. The imagery was powerful. Could feel the dryness of the barren land. It made me hurt to think of living in such a place. I need the water to calm my soul.
The story told was well spun through the verses. I could feel that grief. How do you survive getting over the death of a child? My daughter came close to death due to bone cancer. I remember thinking I would not be me anymore if I lost her. I can still find that grief just underneath of what might have been. It's a hollow dark place that I leave alone. "The staring of in space, the defeat" You wrote the grief.
I have no comments to improve this story/poem.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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I could live there, maybe...but I do love water too, and at the moment I live about 30 minutes from the ocean. I appreciate your wonderful review and comments, although so very sorry to hear about your daughter's cancer. That must have been terrifying. Thank God that "might have been" did not come true for both of you.
Carol
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That little girl is 36 now with two little girls of her own. She is quite lovely. She had bone cancer and although the leg was saved, she is going to loose it
eventually. It served her well though for many years.
I really did love your story. I hope to be reading more.
Comment from Joan E.
It certainly sounded like a true story, and you told it with such energy and vivid descriptions. I admired the way you communicated pity with the explanation that she was not strong enough to cope with the loneliness of the prairie. I relished the drama of your concluding paragraph. Well done- Joan
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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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It certainly sounded like a true story, and you told it with such energy and vivid descriptions. I admired the way you communicated pity with the explanation that she was not strong enough to cope with the loneliness of the prairie. I relished the drama of your concluding paragraph. Well done- Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Thanks Joan, this one was not a favorite of my husband's, but I seem to be getting good response from FS!
Carol
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We have favorites for so many reasons... I'm glad the piece is getting a positive response from FanStorians. Cheers- Joan
Comment from Jacqueline O.
Wow. This story is so compelling I feel like I want to read it over and over again, peeling away the layers until I understand exactly what about it evokes so much emotion in me. Something about this writing stirred me powerfully, and it more than deserves the six stars! The character of the woman is built with such a light hand, and yet she is as complete as if you had spent 500 words discribig her. What a heart-wrenching tale, woven so thick with guilt and sadness and despair that the emotion of it bleeds through and makes me want to wallow in it. This is going on my bookshelf, and I absolutely can't wait to go back and discover it there again, to enjoy over and over!
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Wow. This story is so compelling I feel like I want to read it over and over again, peeling away the layers until I understand exactly what about it evokes so much emotion in me. Something about this writing stirred me powerfully, and it more than deserves the six stars! The character of the woman is built with such a light hand, and yet she is as complete as if you had spent 500 words discribig her. What a heart-wrenching tale, woven so thick with guilt and sadness and despair that the emotion of it bleeds through and makes me want to wallow in it. This is going on my bookshelf, and I absolutely can't wait to go back and discover it there again, to enjoy over and over!
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Oh no, another one who loves to wallow in despair! My husband asked me what this was all about, and I couldn't really give a straight answer. It's a true story - the bones of it anyway - and life is really, really tough sometimes. I just knew, when I heard the story about this woman that I would write about her. Thank you so very much for this review, it means a lot to me.
Carol
Comment from Gloria ....
Boy were we on similar wave lengths today, Carol. It's almost scary. LOL. That said, what a fantastic poem and I can totally relate.
Superb job my friend. :)
Gloria
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reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Boy were we on similar wave lengths today, Carol. It's almost scary. LOL. That said, what a fantastic poem and I can totally relate.
Superb job my friend. :)
Gloria
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Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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This poem has been stewing in my mind since June. I met my best friend's dad in Montana and he had some fascinating stories of the old days. Both he and his wife had been raised in ranch families in remote parts of the state. Glad to know someone else has been in a similar state of mind...LOL! For better or worse :))
Carol