The World Needs to be Saved
Man has to make the world a better place to live in.28 total reviews
Comment from Tootie
Very well done and awesome artwork too. You've used the 4 words well in your entry. Your first sentence and last sentence are my favorites. Wishing you the best in the contest. Blessings, Cathy
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
  |
Very well done and awesome artwork too. You've used the 4 words well in your entry. Your first sentence and last sentence are my favorites. Wishing you the best in the contest. Blessings, Cathy
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
-
Thank you! 🙂
Comment from Lady Jane
Opening line might read smoother if written this way:
The man brought serious, yet real world problems to humanity.
Second line as well:
Our entired population is immersed in violent acts or war and savagery. - or something similar.
Fourth line also:
Man (meaning as a whole which is what I think your intention was with this statement) needs to invite and restore world peace to this planet.
I've only made suggestions to tighten and strengthen this overall good piece. The message is timely and thoughtful, just needs a bit o' tweaking and it will be an excellent entry. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to read, review, and offer humble suggestions. I hope to read more of your work in the future. Good luck in the contest. Should you choose to address above issues, let me know and I will come back to upgrade the stars. Best wishes,
Janelle
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
 |
Opening line might read smoother if written this way:
The man brought serious, yet real world problems to humanity.
Second line as well:
Our entired population is immersed in violent acts or war and savagery. - or something similar.
Fourth line also:
Man (meaning as a whole which is what I think your intention was with this statement) needs to invite and restore world peace to this planet.
I've only made suggestions to tighten and strengthen this overall good piece. The message is timely and thoughtful, just needs a bit o' tweaking and it will be an excellent entry. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to read, review, and offer humble suggestions. I hope to read more of your work in the future. Good luck in the contest. Should you choose to address above issues, let me know and I will come back to upgrade the stars. Best wishes,
Janelle
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
-
Thanks, I will keep your advice in mind.
-
It looks like from reading other entries this is a solid one liner that needs to flow continuously. If you?d like, I can help you with this or you can just leave the poem as is :) It is a good write.
Comment from robyn corum
Raul,
I have good and bad news. *smile* The good news is that I did like your take on this prompt and thought you handled the message of it well. The bad news is that you were supposed to create ONE sentence out of all those 40 words (and using the others that were specified) instead of a series of sentences.
I hope this won't count against you in the voting! Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
|
Raul,
I have good and bad news. *smile* The good news is that I did like your take on this prompt and thought you handled the message of it well. The bad news is that you were supposed to create ONE sentence out of all those 40 words (and using the others that were specified) instead of a series of sentences.
I hope this won't count against you in the voting! Good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
-
Thank you!
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
Wow. You took these four words and beautifully expressed an idea that has a clear beginning middle and end. So well done. The photo sets just the right tone as well.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
|
Wow. You took these four words and beautifully expressed an idea that has a clear beginning middle and end. So well done. The photo sets just the right tone as well.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
-
Thanks! :)
Comment from kiwijenny
I agree 100% we are in a serious quandary right now. I just must stop looking at the news...it's bad news at 5,worse news at 6,terrible news at 7,diabolical news at ten...
We tend to listen to the worst...but deep down most people are decent.
God bless
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
|
I agree 100% we are in a serious quandary right now. I just must stop looking at the news...it's bad news at 5,worse news at 6,terrible news at 7,diabolical news at ten...
We tend to listen to the worst...but deep down most people are decent.
God bless
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
-
Thanks! :)
Comment from Nanny 6
I love your take on changing the world in four sentences, but isn't the entry only to be one sentence containing 40 words? The instructions may be a bit confusing...
: ) : ) However, I like what you've written. Good luck in the contest.
Judy
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
|
I love your take on changing the world in four sentences, but isn't the entry only to be one sentence containing 40 words? The instructions may be a bit confusing...
: ) : ) However, I like what you've written. Good luck in the contest.
Judy
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
-
Thank you! 🙂
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks that the world needs to be saved, civilization is at stake, human values be met, man should be united, live in love and promote humanity; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
|
This speaks that the world needs to be saved, civilization is at stake, human values be met, man should be united, live in love and promote humanity; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
-
Thank you!
Comment from Donka Kristeva
That is a short but very important message. And thought-inviting. Put back God on the scene. God is love. His peace is permanent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
|
That is a short but very important message. And thought-inviting. Put back God on the scene. God is love. His peace is permanent.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
-
Thank you!
