Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 79 "Chapter Vierundzwanzig Part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
27 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Barbara. Awell written chapter again here.
Suggestions: (For recap)
"We've already had the Jewish/Gentile talk." Shana dried her eyes. " I suggest you switch this around and put the action before the dialogue. "Shana dried her eyes.
"We've already had the Jewish/Gentile talk" ,she said.
And Chapter 24:
"I hope lunch's ready. I'm starving," bellowed Michael. Switch to "Michael bellowed"
And: "We're good." Anderson held the chair for Shana and then sat."
Try: "We're good," said Anderson as he held the chair for Shana then took a seat.
Interesting chapter, Barbara. Bob
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Hi, Barbara. Awell written chapter again here.
Suggestions: (For recap)
"We've already had the Jewish/Gentile talk." Shana dried her eyes. " I suggest you switch this around and put the action before the dialogue. "Shana dried her eyes.
"We've already had the Jewish/Gentile talk" ,she said.
And Chapter 24:
"I hope lunch's ready. I'm starving," bellowed Michael. Switch to "Michael bellowed"
And: "We're good." Anderson held the chair for Shana and then sat."
Try: "We're good," said Anderson as he held the chair for Shana then took a seat.
Interesting chapter, Barbara. Bob
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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I have made the suggested changes. Thank you for the help.
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Sorry,Barbara. I rechecked and do not see the changes. ? Is something wrong with my suggestions? Bob
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I made the changes. I will double check and make sure I saved. I checked. The only one that didn't take was the first. But I have corrected it again.
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:) Bob
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Barbara, :)
Thank you, for a nice post. I appreciate this nice story. I didn't find any SPAGS. Wow, I forgot about Ben. Phew.
I hope you have a great week.
Nome
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Hello, Barbara, :)
Thank you, for a nice post. I appreciate this nice story. I didn't find any SPAGS. Wow, I forgot about Ben. Phew.
I hope you have a great week.
Nome
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sankey
Always looking for your next chapter Barbara. Good work, once again and shock horror, NO SPAGS! I do love how this is all going even with the threats and wars in the back ground.
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Always looking for your next chapter Barbara. Good work, once again and shock horror, NO SPAGS! I do love how this is all going even with the threats and wars in the back ground.
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from meeshu
I like the way you write your dialogue, Mrs. Wilkey. straight forward and conversational everyday speak, if you will. suspenseful story with the Painting looming over all.............meeshu
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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I like the way you write your dialogue, Mrs. Wilkey. straight forward and conversational everyday speak, if you will. suspenseful story with the Painting looming over all.............meeshu
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Jeff didn't seem to think it was a stupid idea, so maybe Shana can convince this mob of thieves to lay off. Sounds far too dangerous to me, but I'm sure she'll have a ton of bodyguards... or I hope!
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reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Jeff didn't seem to think it was a stupid idea, so maybe Shana can convince this mob of thieves to lay off. Sounds far too dangerous to me, but I'm sure she'll have a ton of bodyguards... or I hope!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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I hope so too. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
Did you say that this chapter was longer than the others? Well not to me with the excellent conversation between Shana, Drew and Susan
then of how Shana has decided she'll go to Mr. Kuznetsov and tell him she is not interesting in pursuing the painting any longer."
I love how you are drawing in the readers of what you wrote near the end
Gert
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Hello Barb
Did you say that this chapter was longer than the others? Well not to me with the excellent conversation between Shana, Drew and Susan
then of how Shana has decided she'll go to Mr. Kuznetsov and tell him she is not interesting in pursuing the painting any longer."
I love how you are drawing in the readers of what you wrote near the end
Gert
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
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You are welcome Barb
Smiles Gert
Comment from giraffmang
She's a determined lady that Shana, even if the lads aren't too happy.
tell him I'm not interesting in pursuing the painting any longer." - interested.
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reply by the author on 27-May-2018
|
She's a determined lady that Shana, even if the lads aren't too happy.
tell him I'm not interesting in pursuing the painting any longer." - interested.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-May-2018
reply by the author on 27-May-2018
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I am off to make that correction. Thank you for the review and the help.