This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "One Step Forward-Two steps Back"Veronica is sent back again
35 total reviews
Comment from write hand blue
Hi Sandra, we end part 38 with Rosie having a fit of anger and not thinking straight because Joe has most likely not explained himself very well. Good hook there.
Veronica wants to be finished with time travel, somehow I don't think she is anywhere near, because I too can see into the future... (another novel after this) LOL
Great read... ~Mel~ xxx
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Hi Sandra, we end part 38 with Rosie having a fit of anger and not thinking straight because Joe has most likely not explained himself very well. Good hook there.
Veronica wants to be finished with time travel, somehow I don't think she is anywhere near, because I too can see into the future... (another novel after this) LOL
Great read... ~Mel~ xxx
Comment Written 23-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much, Mel. LOL, yes, there i another novel coming, already planned and notes in hand. :)} Big hugs my friend. Sandra xxxx
Comment from Pamusart
I have read previous chapters and am familiar with some of your characters. Thank you for the synopsis of the characters. The story caught me up and kept me interested. I am particularly curious about Francis. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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I have read previous chapters and am familiar with some of your characters. Thank you for the synopsis of the characters. The story caught me up and kept me interested. I am particularly curious about Francis. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you for reading this part, Pam. Francis is an albino and back in the 1800s (and earlier) would naturally believe the worst, We have progressed a little from those times, but still come up short when we first meet an albino with the red eyes, white hair and pale skin. Thanks again, my friend. Sandra
Comment from apky
Uh-oh. I think Veronica will have to do a bit more of her playing diplomat to get Rosie to agree to the plan. But Knowing Veronic, and her team comprising her husband and the ever clever Mildred, I'm sure there'll be enough convincing arguments to make Rosie change her opinion...
Brilliant once more, Sandra.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Uh-oh. I think Veronica will have to do a bit more of her playing diplomat to get Rosie to agree to the plan. But Knowing Veronic, and her team comprising her husband and the ever clever Mildred, I'm sure there'll be enough convincing arguments to make Rosie change her opinion...
Brilliant once more, Sandra.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for the 6 stars, Aki!!! Joe was too impatient, and now he has a big problem. Thank you for the lovey review, I really appreciate it. Big hugs, my friend. xxx Sandra x
Comment from Beck Fenton
It's suspenseful, for sure. I'll be right with you on this one. I didn't notice any mistakes or anything that stood out for nit-picks. I always enjoy the journey... Have fun on the way and we'll share the excitement together, as always!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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It's suspenseful, for sure. I'll be right with you on this one. I didn't notice any mistakes or anything that stood out for nit-picks. I always enjoy the journey... Have fun on the way and we'll share the excitement together, as always!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much, Beck! That is so nice of your. I'm delighted you enjoyed the read. Big hugs, my friend. xx Sandra x
Comment from Wabigoon
Sandra--
Time travel. It is, I think, a characteristic of the Center of the World, as in Delphi. This is my first dip into your story-novel. I am over here in the prose and short stories because I post them so have to be at least, faintly honest. If I am to read more I will have to read your synopsis as I am multiple chapters behind.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Sandra--
Time travel. It is, I think, a characteristic of the Center of the World, as in Delphi. This is my first dip into your story-novel. I am over here in the prose and short stories because I post them so have to be at least, faintly honest. If I am to read more I will have to read your synopsis as I am multiple chapters behind.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Hi Jeff, that is so nice of you to come and read my story, I love the bit, 'faintly honest'!! LOL. The synopsis will give you a rough idea of what has been going on in this second book in the trilogy. It's a vastly different story to the first one and the third will be even more so, but my main characters will always be the same. Thank you! xx Sandra x
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Sandra;
Oh, my. It doesn't sound like Rosie really gave Joe a chance to get out the full request. I hope she can calm down enough to have it all explained. I think when she learns part of the plan is for her to move closer to her mother, that might help things along.
Another well-written part. I didn't notice any spag. Looking forward to the next,
~patty~
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Hi, Sandra;
Oh, my. It doesn't sound like Rosie really gave Joe a chance to get out the full request. I hope she can calm down enough to have it all explained. I think when she learns part of the plan is for her to move closer to her mother, that might help things along.
Another well-written part. I didn't notice any spag. Looking forward to the next,
~patty~
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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No, Joe dived in without thinking it out properly. (and they say women are impatient!!) Thank you so much, my friend, for your lovely review. Big hugs!! Sandra xxx
Comment from rwilliam
First, I just love this photo!!
Just a simple fix: She was sat on the floor beside Francis as he played with his wooden bricks. -- She sat on the floor.. Or...She was on the floor... but not both 'sat' and 'was'. :-)
The sun threw its rays into this room, casting a warm glow, unlike poor Francis' room where--Maybe it's just me but I don't like the word 'this room' here. I think saying: The sun threw its rays in 'the' room, ...Just a thought. :-)
Great ending for this chapter. I am looking forward to reading what comes next. Gotta say it again... I really am enjoying this story sooo much. Thank you! :-)
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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First, I just love this photo!!
Just a simple fix: She was sat on the floor beside Francis as he played with his wooden bricks. -- She sat on the floor.. Or...She was on the floor... but not both 'sat' and 'was'. :-)
The sun threw its rays into this room, casting a warm glow, unlike poor Francis' room where--Maybe it's just me but I don't like the word 'this room' here. I think saying: The sun threw its rays in 'the' room, ...Just a thought. :-)
Great ending for this chapter. I am looking forward to reading what comes next. Gotta say it again... I really am enjoying this story sooo much. Thank you! :-)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for your lovely review and helpful tips, Rebecca, I'm going to look at those two sentences to see what I can do to change them. And, another huge thank you for the lovely six stars!! You've put a super huge smile on my face knowing you are enjoying my story. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxxx
Comment from rama devi
What a great plan! Fine chapter, dear! As usual, superb characterization, good plot development, great pacing and fantastic dialog diction (that enhances characterization) and descriptive detail (that brings scenes to life but is just the right amount not to over-bog it or slow pacing--well done!)
Notes (with fuzzy brain at the moment, so may miss things, but here is what I caught):
*
"Glad t' see yeh, too," he gave a feeble grin which matched his weak attempt of humour.
Period before action tag:
"Glad t' see yeh, too." He gave a feeble grin which matched his weak attempt of humour.
* When you have his attention, you can lay down your conditions. Those being, he must provide adequate funds to support the child for as long as needed, and enough money to move you and your family to Bristol ... yes, Bristol, where Rosie's mother lives.
CONSIDER MAKING ONE SENTENCE AND TRIMMING TO:
When you have his attention, you can lay down your conditions, those being: he must provide adequate child support funds for as long as needed, and enough money to move you and your family to Bristol ... yes, Bristol, where Rosie's mother lives.
* Consider trimming THAT:
We've also discovered that you can buy eye glasses with coloured lenses.
*
Joe remained quiet, but I could see he was really thinking about it. His features were working as hard as his brain.
I COULD SEE part is telling what you are otherwise already showing. Example edit:
Joe remained quiet, but his features revealed his thoughts worked hard in his brain.
*I had a good idea where Gwendolyn would be, and that was with her son in the attic room. I was right. She was sat on the floor beside Francis as he played with his wooden bricks. Meg, his nanny, was keeping an eye on him, unaware of his mother's ghostly presence. I wondered what she thought of all this--it couldn't be fun stuck up in this room every day and night.
This paragraph is awkward for two reasons: 1) a bit wordy and 2) it jumps from your idea to being there without a transition Example edit:
I had a good idea Gwendolyn would be with her son in the attic. I went there to find her sitting on the floor beside Francis as he played with his wooden bricks. Meg, his nanny, was keeping an eye on him, unaware of his mother's ghostly presence. I wondered what she thought of all this--it couldn't be fun stuck up in this room every day and night.
*but offer an earie channel for the dust particles to dance in.
Nice image. Spelling is: eerie in USA...not sure about UK?
* use action tag, as it suffices. No need for the words SHE SUGGESTED as it is obvious:
"Let's sit there," she suggested as she waved her hand towards the window seat. "It's my favourite view."
* including how Jacob had moved to Egypt to work at the leper colony and(,) from what we had learned, he wouldn't be back for ten years. When she heard that, Gwendolyn gasped(,) and her hand flew to her mouth.
*
I could hear raised, angry voices as I went through the door to Joe's cottage. My heart was banging away when I realised Joe was with Rosie.
Best to avoid WAS and COULD making the voicing passive. Example edit - more showing than telling (adding a simile):
Raised voices announced an argument like blaring trumpets as I went through the door to Joe's cottage. My heart banged away when I realised Joe was with Rosie.
Five stars in advance, as I may not be here much the next few days...
Lots of Love,
rd
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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What a great plan! Fine chapter, dear! As usual, superb characterization, good plot development, great pacing and fantastic dialog diction (that enhances characterization) and descriptive detail (that brings scenes to life but is just the right amount not to over-bog it or slow pacing--well done!)
Notes (with fuzzy brain at the moment, so may miss things, but here is what I caught):
*
"Glad t' see yeh, too," he gave a feeble grin which matched his weak attempt of humour.
Period before action tag:
"Glad t' see yeh, too." He gave a feeble grin which matched his weak attempt of humour.
* When you have his attention, you can lay down your conditions. Those being, he must provide adequate funds to support the child for as long as needed, and enough money to move you and your family to Bristol ... yes, Bristol, where Rosie's mother lives.
CONSIDER MAKING ONE SENTENCE AND TRIMMING TO:
When you have his attention, you can lay down your conditions, those being: he must provide adequate child support funds for as long as needed, and enough money to move you and your family to Bristol ... yes, Bristol, where Rosie's mother lives.
* Consider trimming THAT:
We've also discovered that you can buy eye glasses with coloured lenses.
*
Joe remained quiet, but I could see he was really thinking about it. His features were working as hard as his brain.
I COULD SEE part is telling what you are otherwise already showing. Example edit:
Joe remained quiet, but his features revealed his thoughts worked hard in his brain.
*I had a good idea where Gwendolyn would be, and that was with her son in the attic room. I was right. She was sat on the floor beside Francis as he played with his wooden bricks. Meg, his nanny, was keeping an eye on him, unaware of his mother's ghostly presence. I wondered what she thought of all this--it couldn't be fun stuck up in this room every day and night.
This paragraph is awkward for two reasons: 1) a bit wordy and 2) it jumps from your idea to being there without a transition Example edit:
I had a good idea Gwendolyn would be with her son in the attic. I went there to find her sitting on the floor beside Francis as he played with his wooden bricks. Meg, his nanny, was keeping an eye on him, unaware of his mother's ghostly presence. I wondered what she thought of all this--it couldn't be fun stuck up in this room every day and night.
*but offer an earie channel for the dust particles to dance in.
Nice image. Spelling is: eerie in USA...not sure about UK?
* use action tag, as it suffices. No need for the words SHE SUGGESTED as it is obvious:
"Let's sit there," she suggested as she waved her hand towards the window seat. "It's my favourite view."
* including how Jacob had moved to Egypt to work at the leper colony and(,) from what we had learned, he wouldn't be back for ten years. When she heard that, Gwendolyn gasped(,) and her hand flew to her mouth.
*
I could hear raised, angry voices as I went through the door to Joe's cottage. My heart was banging away when I realised Joe was with Rosie.
Best to avoid WAS and COULD making the voicing passive. Example edit - more showing than telling (adding a simile):
Raised voices announced an argument like blaring trumpets as I went through the door to Joe's cottage. My heart banged away when I realised Joe was with Rosie.
Five stars in advance, as I may not be here much the next few days...
Lots of Love,
rd
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Hi Rama, I'm sorry to hear you are still suffering. Those chills do hang around a lot longer than your normal coughs. Wrap up warm and stay in bed for a few days, that'll fix it. :))
Thank you so much for this great review, my friend, I have made the changes you recommended, thank you, it's tightened the lines up wonderfully. Big hugs, and lots of love. Sandra xx
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Happy to help, dear. My cough is gone but fatigue occurs if I overdo things. Not 100% yet...but heading there!
Huge hugs and infinite Love,
rd
Comment from damommy
Hopefully Rosie will change her mind when she finds out John will be sending money.
I think it's a great solution all around. Here's hoping.
Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Hopefully Rosie will change her mind when she finds out John will be sending money.
I think it's a great solution all around. Here's hoping.
Another great chapter.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Yvonne, for another lovely review. Joe is in trouble, now to see how he gets out of it! Big hugs, dear friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from frogbook
Great chapter -straightforward and moved the plan along...until the end. Now, I'm pretty sure she can be convinced but sounds like it will take some fast talk.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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Great chapter -straightforward and moved the plan along...until the end. Now, I'm pretty sure she can be convinced but sounds like it will take some fast talk.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2018
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I'm working on it now, because I couldn't wait to find out what Joe would do now. LOL!! Thank you so very much for the lovely stars and fabulous review, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx