Selections For Book Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Not No Reason"possible selections for inclusion in book project
37 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
There are those who say, what was in his mind. They don't want to know. I never knew until I was very old how lucky I had been to be average enough to vanish in a crowd of two and ready to unwillingly fight. It is a predatory carnivore's world full of thoughtstreams like your poem. Excellent catch.
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There are those who say, what was in his mind. They don't want to know. I never knew until I was very old how lucky I had been to be average enough to vanish in a crowd of two and ready to unwillingly fight. It is a predatory carnivore's world full of thoughtstreams like your poem. Excellent catch.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem. A war of soldiers against each other are worse enough. No we have crazy people who cowardly making war against innocent civilians how much worse can it get.
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A very well-written free verse poem. A war of soldiers against each other are worse enough. No we have crazy people who cowardly making war against innocent civilians how much worse can it get.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Sis Cat
This is an excellent, provocative poem of our time which tries to answer that such rampages happen for a reason although we wonder why and how a person could do such a thing. In your poem, it is a logical outcome of society and conditioning. We should not be surprised. Only surprised that more do not happen.
Your language of sex and violence rocked the page and fit the theme of the eroticization of violence:
look at this steel
glist'ning hard
seeking pleasure
I like how you use to cacophony of multiple voices. The red font echo the thoughts of a mass killer and his motivations:
I was lost
now I'm found
here's your cost
suck some ground
The white font, save for the end, represent other voices trying to piece together why. You write their musings in bitter satire:
He was a sweet boy, wouldn't harm a fly ... well, he had a fly swatter. I suppose I'm to blame, I never should've bought him that.
Your language and word choice are appropriate to your violent subject which reveals hatred released. You handle your poem with craft and daring,
One spag: "taut muscles" instead of "taught muscles."
Thank you for sharing your profound poem on a disturbing subject.
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This is an excellent, provocative poem of our time which tries to answer that such rampages happen for a reason although we wonder why and how a person could do such a thing. In your poem, it is a logical outcome of society and conditioning. We should not be surprised. Only surprised that more do not happen.
Your language of sex and violence rocked the page and fit the theme of the eroticization of violence:
look at this steel
glist'ning hard
seeking pleasure
I like how you use to cacophony of multiple voices. The red font echo the thoughts of a mass killer and his motivations:
I was lost
now I'm found
here's your cost
suck some ground
The white font, save for the end, represent other voices trying to piece together why. You write their musings in bitter satire:
He was a sweet boy, wouldn't harm a fly ... well, he had a fly swatter. I suppose I'm to blame, I never should've bought him that.
Your language and word choice are appropriate to your violent subject which reveals hatred released. You handle your poem with craft and daring,
One spag: "taut muscles" instead of "taught muscles."
Thank you for sharing your profound poem on a disturbing subject.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Dean Kuch
What the hell, Michael?
Did you have an explosion of random ghetto thoughts attack you or what?
The sheer girth of this, besides the fact that it's a rap-like free verse, made it rather difficult for me to get through it all.
l loathe rap. And while I like free verse for the most part, I like free verse only if I can relate to what's being said.
I couldn't relate to the events depicted here.
But, I'm sure there will be many readers and reviewers who can relate, and many sixes are bound to be headed your way.
To each their own. It just ain't my cuppa tea.
~Dean
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What the hell, Michael?
Did you have an explosion of random ghetto thoughts attack you or what?
The sheer girth of this, besides the fact that it's a rap-like free verse, made it rather difficult for me to get through it all.
l loathe rap. And while I like free verse for the most part, I like free verse only if I can relate to what's being said.
I couldn't relate to the events depicted here.
But, I'm sure there will be many readers and reviewers who can relate, and many sixes are bound to be headed your way.
To each their own. It just ain't my cuppa tea.
~Dean
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from dragonpoet
This shows how bulling changes a person and makes him/her want revenge. Bullying seems to give a few too many people reasons to perpetrate mass shootings. If kids just stopped bullying and started finding ways to accept all people then maybe some to these horrors would stop.
I like how you got the story from both sides. It shows even doctor's sometimes exacerbate the problem.
Keep writing
dp
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This shows how bulling changes a person and makes him/her want revenge. Bullying seems to give a few too many people reasons to perpetrate mass shootings. If kids just stopped bullying and started finding ways to accept all people then maybe some to these horrors would stop.
I like how you got the story from both sides. It shows even doctor's sometimes exacerbate the problem.
Keep writing
dp
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
You always come up with something totally original and this is no exception, fantastic work and a thought provoking and intelligent write. Very well done warmest regards Meia x
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You always come up with something totally original and this is no exception, fantastic work and a thought provoking and intelligent write. Very well done warmest regards Meia x
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Zevona
Excellent work...your point comes across without any preaching and the writing style is exciting to read. The end reminded me of the film "Looking For Mr. Goodbar," which is not a bad thing.
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Excellent work...your point comes across without any preaching and the writing style is exciting to read. The end reminded me of the film "Looking For Mr. Goodbar," which is not a bad thing.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is like two poems in one, or two sides of the same story. His anger, his hatred, the way he was treated, but still no excuse. Emotional, well formatted with the one a prose poem style and the other pure blood red free verse. Well done mike,
cheers.
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This is like two poems in one, or two sides of the same story. His anger, his hatred, the way he was treated, but still no excuse. Emotional, well formatted with the one a prose poem style and the other pure blood red free verse. Well done mike,
cheers.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from jenintorre
Wow! You clever bugger. That piece of writing is sensational. The most powerful thing that I've read in a very long time. Best wishes. Jen.
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Wow! You clever bugger. That piece of writing is sensational. The most powerful thing that I've read in a very long time. Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017
Comment from Nika2016
A tad angry? Wow..this guy sounds psychopathic...ready to unleash all that anger on someone. Is there a doctor in the house?....Where did this come from? ...An excellent example of the pressure that causes random shootings....but the sad thing is the people he blames are probably clueless as to his state of mind...as he is in the shadows...imagining...
powerful writing...
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A tad angry? Wow..this guy sounds psychopathic...ready to unleash all that anger on someone. Is there a doctor in the house?....Where did this come from? ...An excellent example of the pressure that causes random shootings....but the sad thing is the people he blames are probably clueless as to his state of mind...as he is in the shadows...imagining...
powerful writing...
Comment Written 05-Nov-2017