Question Mark
There's no waking up from this nightmare.50 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
These song lyrics, Question Mark, would be hard to follow without the background information. Then I think of 'Ohio' by Crosby Stills Nash and Young. That song is informed by the ZKent State Masacre; something you wouldn't know by just listening to the song.
This was a tough song to write, as you knew these folks and probably view this as a horrible dream.
I hope this did you done good to get this out.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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These song lyrics, Question Mark, would be hard to follow without the background information. Then I think of 'Ohio' by Crosby Stills Nash and Young. That song is informed by the ZKent State Masacre; something you wouldn't know by just listening to the song.
This was a tough song to write, as you knew these folks and probably view this as a horrible dream.
I hope this did you done good to get this out.
Comment Written 26-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Yes, Bill, this was a tough song for me to write because I had to go back to the past and dredge up my memories of the family and what happened to them. At the time I even quit my therapist because I was not ready to talk about it yet. It did me good to write about it now. Thank you for your review.
Comment from flylikeaneagle
I like how you have added in many different types of music to make
this sadness joyfull. I'm shocked how someone could kill their family.
He left a note in his pocket. He could have gotten help with finances
or a counselor. So, why? I'm with you, "my face a question mark."
Children are precious. A lady was on the news for driving drunk. Her
four children were in the vehicle with her. She is in jail and the children
are in foster homes. Other people are on meth and in jail. They leave
their children behind. Yes, many question marks in life.
Great poem of awareness. flylikeaneagle - nancy
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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I like how you have added in many different types of music to make
this sadness joyfull. I'm shocked how someone could kill their family.
He left a note in his pocket. He could have gotten help with finances
or a counselor. So, why? I'm with you, "my face a question mark."
Children are precious. A lady was on the news for driving drunk. Her
four children were in the vehicle with her. She is in jail and the children
are in foster homes. Other people are on meth and in jail. They leave
their children behind. Yes, many question marks in life.
Great poem of awareness. flylikeaneagle - nancy
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Yes, Nancy, many question marks here. Did Kevin have to take his wife and kids with him? What would bring a father to shoot his family in the head? he bought the gun two months earlier and planned to kill everyone after Father's Day. So, yes, I am still disturbed by this. I try to focus on the children's smiles and laughter. That is why their giggles formed part of the chorus. Thank you for your review.
Comment from sandy montgomery
I awarded this piece a six for several reasons. First the emotional impact of the work itself without your authors notes. Even though I did not entirely understand the poem the first time through your words were emotive and powerful. I also think this piece raises to the level of exceptional because of skillful use of language. Obviously no spag. And add in those notes which add much to the work itself. I respect and admire your creative choices reguarding how you presented your work. This is trully an exceptional piece.
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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I awarded this piece a six for several reasons. First the emotional impact of the work itself without your authors notes. Even though I did not entirely understand the poem the first time through your words were emotive and powerful. I also think this piece raises to the level of exceptional because of skillful use of language. Obviously no spag. And add in those notes which add much to the work itself. I respect and admire your creative choices reguarding how you presented your work. This is trully an exceptional piece.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Yes, Sandy. While writing this, I heard Mark Twain's quote, "The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matte--it's the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning." I put even more effort on selecting the right word. Sometimes I spent hours finding one word because not only was the rhyme sequence challenging, but I had to tell a story with the right words in the right places. Add to this the challenge of writing about the deaths of four people I knew.
I pushed my creative and skillful use of language to my limit. I find it beautiful that I rhymed "Kawai" with "nearby" because she always had her girls nearby, while the rhyme of "Kevin" with "chicken" makes a not too subtle comment about a man who was about to take the lives of his family and himself. Angry people at the memorial service called him a coward for choosing the easy way out and taking his family with him.
All of my creative choices and skillful use of language create a powerful song.
Thank you for your generous, six star review. i much appreciate it.
Comment from clsandau
WOW! This is quite the story - very sad for sure! Your descriptions are very descriptive and the sound effect is obvious throughout. What a devastating thing. How could a father/ husband do that terrible thing? It certainly could be your worst nightmare - but it was reality. The repeated words including the question mark are perfect for the poem. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. Blessings, Carol
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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WOW! This is quite the story - very sad for sure! Your descriptions are very descriptive and the sound effect is obvious throughout. What a devastating thing. How could a father/ husband do that terrible thing? It certainly could be your worst nightmare - but it was reality. The repeated words including the question mark are perfect for the poem. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. Blessings, Carol
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Yes, Carol, I knew the entire family. I used to go to Kawai's skin-care clinic where Keven served as office manager and the girls were usually around. I can never understand how a loving, charming father such as him could have snuffed out all of these lives, including his own. That is why "question mark" is a perfect refrain. Thank you for your generous, six star review and for wishing me good luck in the contest.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about a worst nightmare with a question mark in all members of the family, everyone comes and faces with the same question who was he and why he is invisible; I liked.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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This speaks about a worst nightmare with a question mark in all members of the family, everyone comes and faces with the same question who was he and why he is invisible; I liked.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Yes, Alcreator Litt Dear, a lot of people who knew the family had question marks on their faces regarding their deaths. How could this happen to a family who appeared to have everything? We will never know all of the answers. Thank you for your review of my song about the worst nightmare imaginable.
Comment from pipersfancy
Dreadfully sad - I remember this story from the news years ago.
The repeated focus on "darkness" and "the hereafter", and the repeat of the line "face a question mark" is effective in setting the right tone for this piece.
One note to consider -
the use of the diminutive "Kev" in "Kev's face a question mark." seems almost to reduce the ominous feeling that the poet is building at this point. If I were to write on a tragedy of this magnitude, I'd probably not use actual names at all (instead, relying on terms we all know such as the pronouns you've used, and descriptors such as "mother", "father", "husband", "wife".) You, yourself, have remained nameless in this piece, although it is clearly your voice we hear in "My face a question mark." I can't explain why I feel so strongly this way other than to say, sometimes in cases such as this, it's best to leave a little distance and anonymity. Poetically, I also think this lends to a more powerful piece.
However, your compassion toward the family is apparent, and I think you've done their story justice in writing about it.
pf
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Dreadfully sad - I remember this story from the news years ago.
The repeated focus on "darkness" and "the hereafter", and the repeat of the line "face a question mark" is effective in setting the right tone for this piece.
One note to consider -
the use of the diminutive "Kev" in "Kev's face a question mark." seems almost to reduce the ominous feeling that the poet is building at this point. If I were to write on a tragedy of this magnitude, I'd probably not use actual names at all (instead, relying on terms we all know such as the pronouns you've used, and descriptors such as "mother", "father", "husband", "wife".) You, yourself, have remained nameless in this piece, although it is clearly your voice we hear in "My face a question mark." I can't explain why I feel so strongly this way other than to say, sometimes in cases such as this, it's best to leave a little distance and anonymity. Poetically, I also think this lends to a more powerful piece.
However, your compassion toward the family is apparent, and I think you've done their story justice in writing about it.
pf
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2017
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Yes, PF, thank you for your review and critique. For me at this time I feel that if I erased the family's name from the song, it would be like erasing them from my memory. For now, I want to remember them and included their names, even that of their dog Buster. It's been ten years and I am glad I am remembering them and telling the most horrible moment of their lives. I do like your idea of changing Kev to a pronoun but because the preceding line is "Their girls fed a chicken," I did not want people to think I am referring to the chicken with "His face a question mark." If this becomes a recorded song, I may be legally compelled to replace the family names with other names or pronouns. For now, I want to remain as close to the family's memory as possible. Thank you for your considerate review. I will keep this in mind as I move forward with my song.
Comment from Wabigoon
Maybe there is, meaning, waking up. I have had a nightmare that was also real of being "hit from behind" by a car while I was on a motorcycle and "launched" into the Underworld ever since it actually happened back in the early 1970s or so. I was riding a motorcycle I had just purchased that night and was, as I said, hit from behind, by a "hit and run driver," back in the early 1970s on top of the Berkeley Hill. Coincidence?
I cannot really address your poem as a "poem" with these personal connections to it.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Maybe there is, meaning, waking up. I have had a nightmare that was also real of being "hit from behind" by a car while I was on a motorcycle and "launched" into the Underworld ever since it actually happened back in the early 1970s or so. I was riding a motorcycle I had just purchased that night and was, as I said, hit from behind, by a "hit and run driver," back in the early 1970s on top of the Berkeley Hill. Coincidence?
I cannot really address your poem as a "poem" with these personal connections to it.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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No, Jeff, not coincidence; serendipity. Thank you for your review and for sharing your nightmare. I like your idea of waking up from them.
Comment from LIJ Red
Rereading after reading the notes brings things together. Every day has similar tragedies, nightmares indeed, and often the wrung-out brain at the heart of it is never figured out. Excellent poetic account.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Rereading after reading the notes brings things together. Every day has similar tragedies, nightmares indeed, and often the wrung-out brain at the heart of it is never figured out. Excellent poetic account.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Thank you, LIJ Red, for your thoughtful review. My song came together for many reviewers while rereading after reading the notes. We will never figure out all of the causes of this tragedy other than what Kevin wrote in his suicide letter. Thanks again.
Comment from royowen
This is one of those incredibly difficult things to understand, I can almost understand suicide, but can never understand why innocent lives could be be taken also, to me this is almost the ultimate madness and evil. Well done, brilliantly composed and starkly composed free verse work, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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This is one of those incredibly difficult things to understand, I can almost understand suicide, but can never understand why innocent lives could be be taken also, to me this is almost the ultimate madness and evil. Well done, brilliantly composed and starkly composed free verse work, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Yes, Roy, many people have said the same thing. If Kevin wanted to check out, fine, but why take your wife and children with you? Their triple murder and suicide left questions that can never be answered not even by the suicide note. What would bring a father to shoot his daughters in the head? Thank you for your review.
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You and I both, I have two daughters, so the explanation is a complete mystery to me.
Comment from Lucian Carter
A poem strong in both content and form. Reading the tragic story behind it only makes it more poignant. The repetition is highly effective. This is a worthy worst nightmare contest entry. Real life inspires the most horrifying of nightmares.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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A poem strong in both content and form. Reading the tragic story behind it only makes it more poignant. The repetition is highly effective. This is a worthy worst nightmare contest entry. Real life inspires the most horrifying of nightmares.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2017
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2017
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Yes, Lucian, I cannot think of a greater nightmare than for a father to kill his children, his wife, and himself. Thank you for your review of this tragic story. I am glad you found the refrain effective and the song a worthy worst nightmare entry.
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It happened to one of my favorite wrestlers too. In his case, I believe it was post-concussion syndrome that drove him to it.