Abscond
Eliminate one word from the English language.28 total reviews
Comment from B.B. Rose
Very witty and clever, especially to bring Shakespeare into the picture to provide a bit of historic aura. Your line of " If Romeo . . . " was pretty clunky (I don't know if there's a name for a twelve foot meter.) If you shorten it by one beat (eliminating "If" and using the "had" to start the line), then the length becomes less awkward and noticeable. Still and all, a worthy piece for the competition. Good Luck. B.B. Rose
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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Very witty and clever, especially to bring Shakespeare into the picture to provide a bit of historic aura. Your line of " If Romeo . . . " was pretty clunky (I don't know if there's a name for a twelve foot meter.) If you shorten it by one beat (eliminating "If" and using the "had" to start the line), then the length becomes less awkward and noticeable. Still and all, a worthy piece for the competition. Good Luck. B.B. Rose
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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Thanks, BB. Actually, I had considered doing that, but it results in two 'hads' in the same line, which would necessitate further revisions. so I decided to let it go, in the hope that no one like you would pick up on it. :) (I think there probably is nobody else like you.)
Don
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Yeah, it's one of those changes that leads to rewriting the next line and then the next, ad infinitum Don't know who said it, but it goes something like "Poets never quit tinkering, they just finally stop."
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Weirdly enough, not long after reviewing your poem, I was reading Underground Railroad and read this sentence, "An absconded slave might fetch as much as two dollars." Potent word. Good choice.
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It is a remarkable coincidence. Two 'absconds' in the same day!
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. There are a lot of words that are no longer used. I remember when the word supper was used for the last meal of the day. Now it is breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When I told some young person it was supper time, she looked at me like I was nuts. LOL
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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Excellent. There are a lot of words that are no longer used. I remember when the word supper was used for the last meal of the day. Now it is breakfast, lunch, and dinner. When I told some young person it was supper time, she looked at me like I was nuts. LOL
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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'Supper' does feel lot better to me, too. i think we only went out for 'dinner.' Too bad you're not in the contest, You'd probably blow me away, and abscond with the prize money.
Comment from Bill Schott
This word-saving poem, Abscond, is quite humorous as you explain the Shakespearean play's positive ending if only Romeo had stolen Juliet away instead of mucking about and getting them both killed. Nice job with that.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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This word-saving poem, Abscond, is quite humorous as you explain the Shakespearean play's positive ending if only Romeo had stolen Juliet away instead of mucking about and getting them both killed. Nice job with that.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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You got that exactly right, Bill. You'd be surprised at all the misconceptions coming in (or maybe not). Thanks for the terrific review.
Comment from Fridayauthor
This is a very clever little poem that is a joy to read! Words are such fun, even used one at a time.
A most enjoyable posting.
Thank you.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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This is a very clever little poem that is a joy to read! Words are such fun, even used one at a time.
A most enjoyable posting.
Thank you.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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Thank you, thank you, thank you Fridayauthor for your extraordinary compliments and generous six-star rating! You made my day!
Comment from jaded831
I found your ending to have some humor. I enjoyed reading about this obscure word. Working it into a Shakespeare play was very creative, indeed. Your poem flowed smoothe,
and I may not be familiar with this kind of poem, I do know what I like, and I like your poem.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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I found your ending to have some humor. I enjoyed reading about this obscure word. Working it into a Shakespeare play was very creative, indeed. Your poem flowed smoothe,
and I may not be familiar with this kind of poem, I do know what I like, and I like your poem.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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You don't sound jaded to me, Jaded. Thank you for excellent review.
Comment from c_lucas
"Absconded" is the past tense. Romeo could have absconded with Juliet. A nice choice of word. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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"Absconded" is the past tense. Romeo could have absconded with Juliet. A nice choice of word. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your complimentary review, C. Yes, If the two had been contemplating absconding, it would have been in the present tense. As Shakespeare might have put it, "To abscond, or not to abscond?"
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You're welcome.
Comment from royowen
It's a word I have used, not terribly frequently, but now and then. Abscond is certainly different from perish. Well done, an excellent entry in this contest. Not only ist it thoughtfully intelligent, but also fully of good, rhymed meter and strategic parenthesis, but witty and lighthearted, a well rounded work, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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It's a word I have used, not terribly frequently, but now and then. Abscond is certainly different from perish. Well done, an excellent entry in this contest. Not only ist it thoughtfully intelligent, but also fully of good, rhymed meter and strategic parenthesis, but witty and lighthearted, a well rounded work, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2017
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It's a good thing you haven't had to use 'abscond' frequently, Roy. More than once, I think, would be too much absconding for a lifetime.
Thanks for the superb review. It has made my day!
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Most welcome
Comment from Jan Anderegg
I enjoyed your poem, the second one I have written that is entered in this contest. I certainly can't find anything to correct. It is interesting how certain words come and go, and others change their meaning.
I wish you every good luck in the contest!
Jan
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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I enjoyed your poem, the second one I have written that is entered in this contest. I certainly can't find anything to correct. It is interesting how certain words come and go, and others change their meaning.
I wish you every good luck in the contest!
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your excellent review, Janilou, and for being fond of 'Abscond.' (Poetry can become a habit.)
