Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Chapter Zwolf part vier"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
27 total reviews
Comment from apky
I'm so curious to know what happens with the phone call. And I wonder where Anderson has been in the meantime, and why nobody talks to him about it - if he doesn't bring it up himself. Maybe I missed a chapter but I don't think so.
"You out did(outdid - one word) yourself with these cookies."
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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I'm so curious to know what happens with the phone call. And I wonder where Anderson has been in the meantime, and why nobody talks to him about it - if he doesn't bring it up himself. Maybe I missed a chapter but I don't think so.
"You out did(outdid - one word) yourself with these cookies."
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Anderson was in DC addressing congress about the oil issue. It was explained earlier. He left when Shana's father left. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Well, it looks like something will be happening soon, that phone call sounds really interesting. I like the way Shana and Emily are getting along together, it looks like things are going to happen there as well! :)) I really enjoyed this part, Barbara, and look forward to the next one. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Well, it looks like something will be happening soon, that phone call sounds really interesting. I like the way Shana and Emily are getting along together, it looks like things are going to happen there as well! :)) I really enjoyed this part, Barbara, and look forward to the next one. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from royowen
The story has settled down to happy children's games and domesticity. The investigation carries on with the New York PD, backgrounder and no nearer a solution as to why the crooks want Shana's painting. Well done, Barbara, blessings, Roy
Typo we(')ll I guess she's right.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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The story has settled down to happy children's games and domesticity. The investigation carries on with the New York PD, backgrounder and no nearer a solution as to why the crooks want Shana's painting. Well done, Barbara, blessings, Roy
Typo we(')ll I guess she's right.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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I will fix that typo. Thank you for the catch.
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Well done and
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb I like how you are adding to you story of how the relationship between Emily and her dad seem to be really knowing each other .
Now is there serious talk about Emily moving to Texas/ and it look like the search for Shana's family's stolen relics are again in process?
Gert
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Hello Barb I like how you are adding to you story of how the relationship between Emily and her dad seem to be really knowing each other .
Now is there serious talk about Emily moving to Texas/ and it look like the search for Shana's family's stolen relics are again in process?
Gert
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the kind review. I do hope I get them to Texas, but I fear other things will happen first.
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You are welcome Barb
Gert
Comment from Sasha
I enjoyed the playful nature of this chapter. It also piqued my interest in the phone call. Shana and Emily are bonding nicely too. Take your time and don't worry about responding to every review. We know you are reading them and also have to get ready to go back to school. Don't overdo it, you don't want to be grumpy with your students.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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I enjoyed the playful nature of this chapter. It also piqued my interest in the phone call. Shana and Emily are bonding nicely too. Take your time and don't worry about responding to every review. We know you are reading them and also have to get ready to go back to school. Don't overdo it, you don't want to be grumpy with your students.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for your words of wisdom. I can always count on you.
Comment from Analie Shepherd
Once again (I think I said this last time too) great dialogue! Also, really well done as far as making the characters believable.
There is one small, gentle suggestion. You have written
"Why don't we take a short break?" asked Shana ...
Do you think the work "suggested", instead of "asked" might be better? It's not really a question, is it? It the way we speak to children, but it means "this is what we are doing!" It made me pause when I read it, so I thought I would mention it.
One other thing that I noticed. You have a tendency to have your character say something, and then do something ... for instance,
"Anderson nodded. "Have him set it up." He finished the cookie and the glass of milk. "That was a perfect snack." He pushed his chair way from the table."
Perhaps, sometimes having the character do the action while he/she is talking would make the story flow a little better. Here is what I mean,
"Anderson nodded. "Have him set it up." He finished the cookie and the glass of milk. "That was a perfect snack." He said, pushing his chair away from the table. " (just noticed you have way from the table, instead of away)
In the beginning of the piece you say Emily puts her pointer finger by her mouth. I wonder if you need "pointer" ... I think we, the reader, would assume it is her pointer finger.
I have a guiding principle when I am deciding about including "extra" words ... the mind is quicker than the eye, so if the reader can fill the word in, let them! That way, the reading become effortless instead of burdensome.
I will be looking forward to reading your next installment.
Blessings, Analie
Again, good work and great dialogue.
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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Once again (I think I said this last time too) great dialogue! Also, really well done as far as making the characters believable.
There is one small, gentle suggestion. You have written
"Why don't we take a short break?" asked Shana ...
Do you think the work "suggested", instead of "asked" might be better? It's not really a question, is it? It the way we speak to children, but it means "this is what we are doing!" It made me pause when I read it, so I thought I would mention it.
One other thing that I noticed. You have a tendency to have your character say something, and then do something ... for instance,
"Anderson nodded. "Have him set it up." He finished the cookie and the glass of milk. "That was a perfect snack." He pushed his chair way from the table."
Perhaps, sometimes having the character do the action while he/she is talking would make the story flow a little better. Here is what I mean,
"Anderson nodded. "Have him set it up." He finished the cookie and the glass of milk. "That was a perfect snack." He said, pushing his chair away from the table. " (just noticed you have way from the table, instead of away)
In the beginning of the piece you say Emily puts her pointer finger by her mouth. I wonder if you need "pointer" ... I think we, the reader, would assume it is her pointer finger.
I have a guiding principle when I am deciding about including "extra" words ... the mind is quicker than the eye, so if the reader can fill the word in, let them! That way, the reading become effortless instead of burdensome.
I will be looking forward to reading your next installment.
Blessings, Analie
Again, good work and great dialogue.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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Thank you for the suggestions. I have made some of the changes and am waiting for a few others to see what other reviewers say. I struggle changing words to words ending with 'ing' because I have been told not to use those words unless absolutely necessary.
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I don't know who told you not to use words ending in "ing" .. but I personally REALLY disagree. Overuse is one thing, but to never use them? Hmmm ...
I believe they can give a feeling of the passage of time, things moving forward and of energy.
Just my opinion, but worth considering.
I'm curious, were you told "why" you shouldn't use them?
Blessings, Analie
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I had an editor tell me, so I use them very cautiously. The reason is it turns the sentence to passive.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks in family discussion a grave decision was taken, they need to get the child back to Texas; Anderson was ready to make a call; Shana and Anderson went into the den; I liked.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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This speaks in family discussion a grave decision was taken, they need to get the child back to Texas; Anderson was ready to make a call; Shana and Anderson went into the den; I liked.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2017
reply by the author on 13-Aug-2017
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After a few more posts, the story will head to Texas. Thank you for the kind review.