Worlds
Viewing comments for Chapter 37 "The Case of the Pikkered Fwen"Animal poetry and short stories
32 total reviews
Comment from Chrissy710
Hi Bill, This gave me a good laugh and although it was so ridiculous and made no sense at all it had me laughing at your talent to make up words and make us think they are real, LOL a fun write, right I bet it even had you laughing while you created your stories and characters. Could not go past a six for inventiviness . still smiling, pikkered fwen ha Ha love it Cheers Christine. Billiciousness
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Hi Bill, This gave me a good laugh and although it was so ridiculous and made no sense at all it had me laughing at your talent to make up words and make us think they are real, LOL a fun write, right I bet it even had you laughing while you created your stories and characters. Could not go past a six for inventiviness . still smiling, pikkered fwen ha Ha love it Cheers Christine. Billiciousness
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Chrissy, for this highly motivating and positive review. Bill
Comment from nomi338
Now that is a show that I maybe would watch. Not. My friend you are to be congratulated or pitied, I have not decided which one yet. To first off, conceive of a poem like this, and then to have the patience to compose it all, this requires a fair amount of attention to detail and discipline. Of course your training in the USMC would have provided you with that. At any rate, my hat is completely off to you. Now my head is getting cold. The story was inventive, interesting and entertaining. Congratulations.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Now that is a show that I maybe would watch. Not. My friend you are to be congratulated or pitied, I have not decided which one yet. To first off, conceive of a poem like this, and then to have the patience to compose it all, this requires a fair amount of attention to detail and discipline. Of course your training in the USMC would have provided you with that. At any rate, my hat is completely off to you. Now my head is getting cold. The story was inventive, interesting and entertaining. Congratulations.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Thanks, nomi, for the exceptional review of this preposterous story poem. This is sub-titled, Sloth World 9.
Comment from rama devi
I love the way this sounds read aloud. It TICKLES!
Clever and intensely original. Bravo. Superb rhymes, especially here:
The sheriff droned on about the jurisdiction,
and suggested that the pikkered fwen was mere fiction,
to which sloth retorted in sloth-perfect diction
that the sheriff had a head-in-his-asshole affliction.
Love the layers of repetition. Seems somehow Seuessian!
The mixed meter and scansion flow well read aloud, but to my tongue, it trips slightly forced here:
By the time he arrived, in the November snow --
NO is unnaturally accented.
and here:
called the Real Housewives of Cleft, Idaho.
and here:
to include the half-shaven sloth with sharp toes.
LOL on these 'inventive' rhymes:
There stood a naked and nervous kaloopolo
with pikkering paste all down his papoopogo;
the ratings then shot to the astroWOWnomico.
LOL
What a unique imagination you have!
Warmy, rd
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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I love the way this sounds read aloud. It TICKLES!
Clever and intensely original. Bravo. Superb rhymes, especially here:
The sheriff droned on about the jurisdiction,
and suggested that the pikkered fwen was mere fiction,
to which sloth retorted in sloth-perfect diction
that the sheriff had a head-in-his-asshole affliction.
Love the layers of repetition. Seems somehow Seuessian!
The mixed meter and scansion flow well read aloud, but to my tongue, it trips slightly forced here:
By the time he arrived, in the November snow --
NO is unnaturally accented.
and here:
called the Real Housewives of Cleft, Idaho.
and here:
to include the half-shaven sloth with sharp toes.
LOL on these 'inventive' rhymes:
There stood a naked and nervous kaloopolo
with pikkering paste all down his papoopogo;
the ratings then shot to the astroWOWnomico.
LOL
What a unique imagination you have!
Warmy, rd
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Thanks, rd, for the close look at this one. I'll tighten the meter up in the next revision. My wife was upset that the sloth spoke rudely to the sheriff, so I'll need to address as well.
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Hee hee! :-))))
Comment from lyenochka
Lol! I enjoyed the rhymes although I still don't know what a pikkered fwen is or even a kaloopolo. It's an entertaining story and well presented with pictures. It's also great for a tongue-twister and story-in-a-poem.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Lol! I enjoyed the rhymes although I still don't know what a pikkered fwen is or even a kaloopolo. It's an entertaining story and well presented with pictures. It's also great for a tongue-twister and story-in-a-poem.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Don't hate me, but they are what the sheriff said, "fiction". I just had fun with it.
Comment from Thal1959
There is a lot of this that is great - reads a lot like something Dr. Seuss would write. There is, of course, a big problem. I get the impression you are Australian or English - so it would have been fabulous if you would have let some of us clueless Americans in on what a fwen and pikkered mean. (Not to mention kaloopolo and papoopogo)
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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There is a lot of this that is great - reads a lot like something Dr. Seuss would write. There is, of course, a big problem. I get the impression you are Australian or English - so it would have been fabulous if you would have let some of us clueless Americans in on what a fwen and pikkered mean. (Not to mention kaloopolo and papoopogo)
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Sorry. They are all made up words that this Michigan boy contrived for this unlikely poem. Thank you though for reminding me to let the readers off the hook for their meaning.
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Thanks for the explanation, Bill. But in this case you had me lost. Dr. Seuss may have said something like, "They played their pling-lingers and banged their drum-drangers." But one can sense he's talking about guitars (or banjos) and drums. If you are going to go crazy - have a little methodology to your madness.
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Okeedokee
Comment from damommy
Definitely, absolutely, without a doubt worthy of a six!
This is adorable. How do you make up these words. What is a pikkered fwen, or do I want to know?
Love the rhyme, the meter, and most of all, the story.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Definitely, absolutely, without a doubt worthy of a six!
This is adorable. How do you make up these words. What is a pikkered fwen, or do I want to know?
Love the rhyme, the meter, and most of all, the story.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Thank you, da, for the marvelous review. those words are up to you to define. Good luck.
Comment from Cycler
LOL ... how did you do this! It is adorable. You should be on stage with a bango performing this one. I wish i had a six ...
I thoroughly enjoyed it
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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LOL ... how did you do this! It is adorable. You should be on stage with a bango performing this one. I wish i had a six ...
I thoroughly enjoyed it
Comment Written 28-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Cycler, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Bravo! Terrific piece in every way. Love this line: he got hitched to Killer, in a red satin gown (she wore black)... and so many others. Glad I have sixes left. :)
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
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Bravo! Terrific piece in every way. Love this line: he got hitched to Killer, in a red satin gown (she wore black)... and so many others. Glad I have sixes left. :)
Comment Written 27-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
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Thank you so very much, Phyllis. I really glad that you got a chance to read this and that it hit a funny spot. Bill
Comment from Possummagic
That has to be the funniest poem I've heard in years! It still has me with a smile plaster on my dial! I have absolutely no idea what a pikkered fwen is, it sounds Welsh; but I just wanted to keep on reading. What a pleasure it was to read your work. Good luck in the contests, I'm sure you'll do well.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
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That has to be the funniest poem I've heard in years! It still has me with a smile plaster on my dial! I have absolutely no idea what a pikkered fwen is, it sounds Welsh; but I just wanted to keep on reading. What a pleasure it was to read your work. Good luck in the contests, I'm sure you'll do well.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review and high marks.
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You are so welcome. Your work is amazing! Good luck.
Comment from lalajovanoski
Hello my dear friend, I very much enjoy reading this beautifully written poem. I think that this is an excellent entry for the contest you should do very well I wish you all the best and good luck to you. Great rhyming scheme in nice and easy flow. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you. With love, Lola
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
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Hello my dear friend, I very much enjoy reading this beautifully written poem. I think that this is an excellent entry for the contest you should do very well I wish you all the best and good luck to you. Great rhyming scheme in nice and easy flow. Thank you for sharing this. God bless you. With love, Lola
Comment Written 27-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2017
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Thank you, Lola, for the terrific review. Bill