Selections For Book Project
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Ashes"possible selections for inclusion in book project
63 total reviews
Comment from estory
This kind of format was right up my alley. I really enjoyed the fragmented construction of this, the fragmented lines, especially in part four. You get a great sense of a life lived in segments, in flashes of isolated moments, that seem to add to up to something but we don't know exactly what. great alliterations throughout made for some good music, the dramatic pauses and line breaks were well executed, part four really reminded me of Denise Levertov's The Cry from Oblique Prayers. estory
  |
This kind of format was right up my alley. I really enjoyed the fragmented construction of this, the fragmented lines, especially in part four. You get a great sense of a life lived in segments, in flashes of isolated moments, that seem to add to up to something but we don't know exactly what. great alliterations throughout made for some good music, the dramatic pauses and line breaks were well executed, part four really reminded me of Denise Levertov's The Cry from Oblique Prayers. estory
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from Ulla
Hi Mikey, this is beautiful. Ashes, hmm a very reflective word that to me reminds me of something dead something has been lost, never to come back. That's what this bitter sweet love poem leaves me with. Beautiful. All the best. Ulla:))
 |
Hi Mikey, this is beautiful. Ashes, hmm a very reflective word that to me reminds me of something dead something has been lost, never to come back. That's what this bitter sweet love poem leaves me with. Beautiful. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, Michael,
Beautiful poem and presentation, my friend. The imagery is outstanding and the emotion palpitable. You are a true romantic poet at heart. She is a lucky lady.
Gypsy hugs
|
Hello, Michael,
Beautiful poem and presentation, my friend. The imagery is outstanding and the emotion palpitable. You are a true romantic poet at heart. She is a lucky lady.
Gypsy hugs
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from RebelRose
You certainly have the rhyming thing going on with this one. I liked the third verse. A good point made about wetting and blinking away the ashes. Never thought about tears that way. Well done.
|
You certainly have the rhyming thing going on with this one. I liked the third verse. A good point made about wetting and blinking away the ashes. Never thought about tears that way. Well done.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from smileycloud
wow
your character has like 101 different personality changes in this complex and mystical poem
I canoot decide if he wants to burn all the bridges behind him
or if he wants to hurt her in return
or simply did he lose her to a fire and he cannot grieve but to see all as ash and dust
will water really put out his fires
can tears truly soften his demons
great stuff
I guess it is best the reader does not know for sure
have a smiley day
|
wow
your character has like 101 different personality changes in this complex and mystical poem
I canoot decide if he wants to burn all the bridges behind him
or if he wants to hurt her in return
or simply did he lose her to a fire and he cannot grieve but to see all as ash and dust
will water really put out his fires
can tears truly soften his demons
great stuff
I guess it is best the reader does not know for sure
have a smiley day
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from c_lucas
The last bridge burns
My tears failed to quenched the flames
I watch as you disappear from my life
My last reply; "Good bye."
***
There was not enough contrast for me to read II. Otherwise, this is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
|
The last bridge burns
My tears failed to quenched the flames
I watch as you disappear from my life
My last reply; "Good bye."
***
There was not enough contrast for me to read II. Otherwise, this is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from artemis53
My mind is racing which is it's norm but this has spurned it on. 4 different forms of the same topic would overwhelm myself. Funny isn't it that through the pain we still remain to love.
|
My mind is racing which is it's norm but this has spurned it on. 4 different forms of the same topic would overwhelm myself. Funny isn't it that through the pain we still remain to love.
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from BOO ghost
Wow! Wow! Wow! this is some presentation. Immediately my eyes opened wide when I viewed this piece of artwork which indeed is a marvel masterpiece with slices of poetry that is out of this world! Love the pictures! waters that once was blue reflect red glow. Terrific words for the word weaver. You got a nice mixture if words, Love how the colors change like the seasons. If BOO takes away one word it is not one. It reads as One! It is all equally strong like the oak that weathers time. Awe, this will be book cased. you can not smell all the roses in one moment. Will read again and again lie the rain. WOW! BLOWN AWAY!
|
Wow! Wow! Wow! this is some presentation. Immediately my eyes opened wide when I viewed this piece of artwork which indeed is a marvel masterpiece with slices of poetry that is out of this world! Love the pictures! waters that once was blue reflect red glow. Terrific words for the word weaver. You got a nice mixture if words, Love how the colors change like the seasons. If BOO takes away one word it is not one. It reads as One! It is all equally strong like the oak that weathers time. Awe, this will be book cased. you can not smell all the roses in one moment. Will read again and again lie the rain. WOW! BLOWN AWAY!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from Sanku
I read your poem at least three times .The first part ended like this "why would I care for you to see ashes" and part four ends with "but I won't forget i love you".Between these two statements are the heaps of ashes -the remnants of a relationship that has not flowered to perfection.rejection from the female side perhaps because there are no sobs or sighs instead there are smoke (fumes of anger?)AShes remain unfortunately and they seem to fall of dancing girls who then remind him of the fractured fragments of the past ."It's gone .."sadly final
the third part speaks of blowing all memories away. but it is easy to blow of dry ashes. When the ash is wet the wind can not blow it off easily. Only tears can..
The memories fall on the flowing current hanging on by a fine thread and hoping for a revival?
WEll I think I went a bit crazy analysing your poem!
|
I read your poem at least three times .The first part ended like this "why would I care for you to see ashes" and part four ends with "but I won't forget i love you".Between these two statements are the heaps of ashes -the remnants of a relationship that has not flowered to perfection.rejection from the female side perhaps because there are no sobs or sighs instead there are smoke (fumes of anger?)AShes remain unfortunately and they seem to fall of dancing girls who then remind him of the fractured fragments of the past ."It's gone .."sadly final
the third part speaks of blowing all memories away. but it is easy to blow of dry ashes. When the ash is wet the wind can not blow it off easily. Only tears can..
The memories fall on the flowing current hanging on by a fine thread and hoping for a revival?
WEll I think I went a bit crazy analysing your poem!
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
Comment from Aussie
A great presentation for your poem. In the beginning I thought you were writing about a lost love in the flames of the bridge. When I got to the ending, I felt you were telling a story of what will happen to the world if we don't care about it?
|
A great presentation for your poem. In the beginning I thought you were writing about a lost love in the flames of the bridge. When I got to the ending, I felt you were telling a story of what will happen to the world if we don't care about it?
Comment Written 26-Jul-2017
