2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Haiku (Valentine's bouquets)"A collection of Japanese poetry
24 total reviews
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
February's flowers undelivered leaving two kinds of waste. One as flowers that have to be thrown away because Valentine's Day is over and also that the waste of lack of love abounding calling for gifts of flowers.lol
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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February's flowers undelivered leaving two kinds of waste. One as flowers that have to be thrown away because Valentine's Day is over and also that the waste of lack of love abounding calling for gifts of flowers.lol
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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You got it, Barb :) Thank you for the review and kind words.
Gypsy
Comment from mountainwriter49
Happy Sunday Evening, MariVal,
I hope all is well with you. I couldn't help but read and comment on this well written traditional haiku. It's well done in the traditional form and provides an unexpected emotive punch upon reading and contemplating its words.
You've used word economy and word effectiveness superbly, as well as presented a 'captured moment in time.' No abstractions. The satori line is perfect. I've always admired the shorter satori line as I think it is more powerful in the long run.
The haiku is also written so no appended digital artwork is necessary. Indeed, I think it might even distract from the deeper meaning offered in these few syllables.
Well done.
-Ray
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Happy Sunday Evening, MariVal,
I hope all is well with you. I couldn't help but read and comment on this well written traditional haiku. It's well done in the traditional form and provides an unexpected emotive punch upon reading and contemplating its words.
You've used word economy and word effectiveness superbly, as well as presented a 'captured moment in time.' No abstractions. The satori line is perfect. I've always admired the shorter satori line as I think it is more powerful in the long run.
The haiku is also written so no appended digital artwork is necessary. Indeed, I think it might even distract from the deeper meaning offered in these few syllables.
Well done.
-Ray
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for the review and kind words, my friend.
Gypsy
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You are very welcome, my friend.
Ray
Comment from Sis Cat
Yes, Gypsy, this is a excellent haiku. I love the concrete visuals and emotions you created in a few words. I have a feeling that a woman has spurned her secret admirer and tossed his flowers. Thus, your profound and simple satori--waste. I am really enjoying these haiku without the pictures, sounds, and animation because they encourage the readers to use their imagination without these aids.
Thank you again for sharing your talent.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Yes, Gypsy, this is a excellent haiku. I love the concrete visuals and emotions you created in a few words. I have a feeling that a woman has spurned her secret admirer and tossed his flowers. Thus, your profound and simple satori--waste. I am really enjoying these haiku without the pictures, sounds, and animation because they encourage the readers to use their imagination without these aids.
Thank you again for sharing your talent.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
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Thank you for the review and kind words sweetie pie.
Gypsy
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
You've written a good poem.
It consists of three lines with a syllable count: 5-7-1
Total syllable count: 13
The color of font chosen goes well with the background.
Thanks for sharing your Haiku.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
|
You've written a good poem.
It consists of three lines with a syllable count: 5-7-1
Total syllable count: 13
The color of font chosen goes well with the background.
Thanks for sharing your Haiku.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-May-2017
reply by the author on 21-May-2017
-
Thank you for the review and kind words.
Gypsy