2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Renga (After harvest)"A collection of Japanese poetry
27 total reviews
Comment from Ronni
Very eerie and tense horror, motionless bodies slain by arsenic laced stew.
Intruder still on the loose and run? Fear runs cold chills clear to core.
Thanks for sharing... this one likely to cause sleepless nights!!!
Ronni
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Very eerie and tense horror, motionless bodies slain by arsenic laced stew.
Intruder still on the loose and run? Fear runs cold chills clear to core.
Thanks for sharing... this one likely to cause sleepless nights!!!
Ronni
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Thank you for the review.
Gypsy
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for sharing your collaboration with Hitcher and your explanatory notes. The evolving story is dramatic and poignant. The revelation of the "truth" at the conclusion was a surprise. Bravo! -Joan
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Thank you for sharing your collaboration with Hitcher and your explanatory notes. The evolving story is dramatic and poignant. The revelation of the "truth" at the conclusion was a surprise. Bravo! -Joan
Comment Written 09-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Thank you, Joan. Hitcher took my haiku class and one of the assignments was a renga so we decided to continue after the class was over. It's a lot of fun. :) Thank you for the review and kind words.
Gypsy
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Did you and your partner write this at the same time or did you each do a part, then the other added and so on?
I love the story told of Mom getting even after Dad's betrayal, ending a life of misery as she protects her children one last time.
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Did you and your partner write this at the same time or did you each do a part, then the other added and so on?
I love the story told of Mom getting even after Dad's betrayal, ending a life of misery as she protects her children one last time.
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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We are taking turns and it's not over, we will continue writing the story. I write three lines (a haiku) and he writes two lines to follow. I follow his two and it goes on and on.Thank you for the review and kind words.
Gypsy
Comment from Dean Kuch
Wow, to the BOTH of you, Gypsy and Hitcher.
This is a real stunner set of Renga!
The man murdered his own wife--am I interpreting this correctly?
Perhaps she had a terminal disease and was suffering terribly. I could see wanting to put someone you love out of their misery.
But that one word--"betrayal"--leads me to believe otherwise.
Regardless, this is very dark and more than a little foreboding.
I LOVED it!
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Wow, to the BOTH of you, Gypsy and Hitcher.
This is a real stunner set of Renga!
The man murdered his own wife--am I interpreting this correctly?
Perhaps she had a terminal disease and was suffering terribly. I could see wanting to put someone you love out of their misery.
But that one word--"betrayal"--leads me to believe otherwise.
Regardless, this is very dark and more than a little foreboding.
I LOVED it!
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Like our horror haiku, I have no idea where the story is going but it does look like murder and I am thinking she is going to haunt him. Oops, I should not have said that. LoL I just have a feeling she is. Thank you for the review, the six stars, and the kind words. Nice Grim Reaper. What happened to mini me? I miss the little guy.
Gypsy
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Sounds interesting. I wish you both the best of luck. You're certainly off to a great start!
Oh, mini me...he's still around.
He just likes to keep a low profile these days, LOL.
"Mini Me...Low Profile"...? get it, heh-heh...
Okay, I know, I'm a nerd...**wink-wink...**
~Dean
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I like nerds :)
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That's a good thing to know, heh-heh...
Comment from pbomar1115
This is the beginning of winter, the kids fear the father, who is coming for his dinner. While the kids cry for the dead mother lying on the floor, they believe the stew is poison with arsenic meant for the father as well as for her, the mother who mixed the deadly meal.
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reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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This is the beginning of winter, the kids fear the father, who is coming for his dinner. While the kids cry for the dead mother lying on the floor, they believe the stew is poison with arsenic meant for the father as well as for her, the mother who mixed the deadly meal.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 09-May-2017
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Thank you for the review.
Gypsy
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You're welcome.
Comment from Sis Cat
Gypsy, this is a stunning renga between you and Hitcher. I love how you two painted an autumnal mood of gloom and a mother who had a heart attack in the kitchen while cooking dinner. Your words are like crime scene snapshots because of your level of details:
Father's supper
on the stove simmering,
apron on the floor,
mother lying motionless,
my tears. They burn, flow and fall.
You end your poem with a painful realization on the part of the child:
The last thing mom did
was for us, then her heart stopped.
The truth was too harsh...
You and Hitcher work well together in your renga collaboration. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-May-2017
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Gypsy, this is a stunning renga between you and Hitcher. I love how you two painted an autumnal mood of gloom and a mother who had a heart attack in the kitchen while cooking dinner. Your words are like crime scene snapshots because of your level of details:
Father's supper
on the stove simmering,
apron on the floor,
mother lying motionless,
my tears. They burn, flow and fall.
You end your poem with a painful realization on the part of the child:
The last thing mom did
was for us, then her heart stopped.
The truth was too harsh...
You and Hitcher work well together in your renga collaboration. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 08-May-2017
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Thank you for the kind review, Andre :) we appreciate the support.
Comment from michaelcahill
This is quite stunning. How long does something like this go on? A wonderful collaboration. The sum of the parts certainly shining wonderfully. It's compelling and the two styles meld perfectly and I can feel the challenge of two talents not wanting to fall short. Lots of synergy. Very exciting. YESSSSS! Irish Hugs, mike
reply by the author on 08-May-2017
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This is quite stunning. How long does something like this go on? A wonderful collaboration. The sum of the parts certainly shining wonderfully. It's compelling and the two styles meld perfectly and I can feel the challenge of two talents not wanting to fall short. Lots of synergy. Very exciting. YESSSSS! Irish Hugs, mike
Comment Written 08-May-2017
reply by the author on 08-May-2017
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It's a good thing I was sitting because I am stunt and I would have fallen on the floor. Michael reviewed my work! Holy crap! and a six stars review! hahaha... Thank you for the kind words, my friend. I am glad you like it. I have no idea where we are going with it. It can go on for over 100 ku but we are just doing it until we get tired or it's time to put the story out of its misery. LoL