2017 JAPANESE POETRY
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "haibun (the railyard)"A collection of Japanese poetry
24 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, Gypsy, I traveled up to Sacramento once by train and visited the Railroad Museum there in Old Sacramento by the River. But here you describe the view and the mood from the window of you new apartment:
I feel like a stranger. I'm in my new apartment. Looking outside my window, I see the Old Sacramento Railyard. The day is gray and gloomy and the view from my window is depressing.
Then you focus on what's really getting your down--a holiday, Easter, without family:
Family holidays have this effect on me. The ones I spend alone. I always think of the past when my children were little.
Yes, it is hard. We cherish our independence today but then there are the memories of the times when we were interdependent and had a network of family around us. Now you feel like a spur at the end of the line. You end your haibun on a profound note with this haiku:
she gazes beyond
railyard cemetery to the past -
gloomy gray day
Yes, Old Sacramento has a railroad cemetery, but here you are thinking about your past with your family. Your satori reflects your mood and your assessment of your life after having made a move: gloomy gray day.
I hope things get better. Keep writing. That helps.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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Wow, Gypsy, I traveled up to Sacramento once by train and visited the Railroad Museum there in Old Sacramento by the River. But here you describe the view and the mood from the window of you new apartment:
I feel like a stranger. I'm in my new apartment. Looking outside my window, I see the Old Sacramento Railyard. The day is gray and gloomy and the view from my window is depressing.
Then you focus on what's really getting your down--a holiday, Easter, without family:
Family holidays have this effect on me. The ones I spend alone. I always think of the past when my children were little.
Yes, it is hard. We cherish our independence today but then there are the memories of the times when we were interdependent and had a network of family around us. Now you feel like a spur at the end of the line. You end your haibun on a profound note with this haiku:
she gazes beyond
railyard cemetery to the past -
gloomy gray day
Yes, Old Sacramento has a railroad cemetery, but here you are thinking about your past with your family. Your satori reflects your mood and your assessment of your life after having made a move: gloomy gray day.
I hope things get better. Keep writing. That helps.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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thank you honey
Comment from gene roush
This is an interesting art form.
It adds definition to metaphors.
Despite studying poetry, I'm unable to make the leap from spectator to participant.
It's a pleasure to see it done well.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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This is an interesting art form.
It adds definition to metaphors.
Despite studying poetry, I'm unable to make the leap from spectator to participant.
It's a pleasure to see it done well.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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Thank you
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
the imagery in this post is very dramatic as you take it from what it was to what it represents on a lonely holiday time. I feel just that way and I love the haiku as you look beyond the sight which makes it gloomier. A sad piece but one felt by others that can relate
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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the imagery in this post is very dramatic as you take it from what it was to what it represents on a lonely holiday time. I feel just that way and I love the haiku as you look beyond the sight which makes it gloomier. A sad piece but one felt by others that can relate
Comment Written 17-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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thank you, honey
Comment from Teri7
I really enjoyed reading this that you have written. You used very good descriptive wording and had me tight there with you as I read it. Very good imagery also. Great job my friend. Love the new picture! Blessings, Teri
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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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I really enjoyed reading this that you have written. You used very good descriptive wording and had me tight there with you as I read it. Very good imagery also. Great job my friend. Love the new picture! Blessings, Teri
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2017
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2017
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thank you, honey