Luna's Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Dreamwalking"a place to gather my poetic forms
36 total reviews
Comment from azwildrosa
Lovely. I've already ready it for a third time. You'll stand to be whatever in some dreams you see. Is my favorite line. Or maybe it's the last... Either way I like the peace I feel when I read this poem. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Lovely. I've already ready it for a third time. You'll stand to be whatever in some dreams you see. Is my favorite line. Or maybe it's the last... Either way I like the peace I feel when I read this poem. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Thank you so very much. I am so appreciative of you and your support of my poetry portfolio; I'm pleased that you enjoyed this one and that it makes you fee peaceful.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh, okay, you do write such incredibly beautiful poetry, and this is another form I have yet to try - I will save it to use as a teaching model, if you don't mind because I loved every word. (That way it's two-for-one: I can savor it again too.)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Oh, okay, you do write such incredibly beautiful poetry, and this is another form I have yet to try - I will save it to use as a teaching model, if you don't mind because I loved every word. (That way it's two-for-one: I can savor it again too.)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Dawn, I never mind when you save my work, it's flattering to me. I'll be on the lookout for your attempt at this form. I know you'll do a great job.
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Thank you very much!
Comment from MissMerri
I have become very fond of this style of poetry Luna. This poem is very beautiful with some captivating phrases that tend to stay with the reader long after the last line is read. I especially liked "gossamer mists make air feel thin...". You've done a great job here.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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I have become very fond of this style of poetry Luna. This poem is very beautiful with some captivating phrases that tend to stay with the reader long after the last line is read. I especially liked "gossamer mists make air feel thin...". You've done a great job here.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Dear MissMerri, I'm happy that you like this poetry style. Thank you for your kindly worded review, it is much appreciated.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Lovely, Jeni (I'm always so tempted to say 'Loverly, Luna,' for alliterative effect, lol), and the subject matter is fitting in reference to your FanStory user name.
The a,a,b,b, rhyme scheme coupled with smooth iambic tetrameter made for a delightful read.
Well done...
~Dean :)
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Lovely, Jeni (I'm always so tempted to say 'Loverly, Luna,' for alliterative effect, lol), and the subject matter is fitting in reference to your FanStory user name.
The a,a,b,b, rhyme scheme coupled with smooth iambic tetrameter made for a delightful read.
Well done...
~Dean :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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You are most welcome to say Lovely, Luna," if that is what makes your comfortable, my friend. I know that many of my poems are fitting in reference to my FanStory user name. I don't know if you've seen in my profile where my good friends call me Moonchild --- that is actually the name I like best but I don't really want to confuse with three names.
I'm glad that you liked the rhyme scheme and thought the meter was on time. I appreciate you.
Comment from Irish Rain
Beautiful dreamworld. I wouldn't mind waking as a tycoon! 'Gossamer mists'...so pretty. A lovely tribute for your son, Mickey. Blessings...
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Beautiful dreamworld. I wouldn't mind waking as a tycoon! 'Gossamer mists'...so pretty. A lovely tribute for your son, Mickey. Blessings...
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2017
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Dear Irish Mist...thank you for sharing your feelings surrounding this poem and for referencing Mickey in your review. I appreciate your continued attention to my work.
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You are so welcome Miss Luna!!
Comment from Pantygynt
Actually this all makes remarkable sense once you tune in to the way the swaps work out. the idea of rising with ease in the morning seems a little stange on these cold mornings but when you realise that a night on the moon has turne one into a rich tycoon it begins to make sense.
I have just one suggestion. I would do away with the periods that end both the first and second stanzas and substitute the central commas in both the subsequent first lines with periods. The enjambment resulting from this actually backs up the sense of magical lunar interference that you are attempting to convey.
2nd review. I see you've followed my suggestion I hope you are pleased. I am.
Great fun.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Actually this all makes remarkable sense once you tune in to the way the swaps work out. the idea of rising with ease in the morning seems a little stange on these cold mornings but when you realise that a night on the moon has turne one into a rich tycoon it begins to make sense.
I have just one suggestion. I would do away with the periods that end both the first and second stanzas and substitute the central commas in both the subsequent first lines with periods. The enjambment resulting from this actually backs up the sense of magical lunar interference that you are attempting to convey.
2nd review. I see you've followed my suggestion I hope you are pleased. I am.
Great fun.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Hi, Jim. I've made your suggested edits. Could ou re-look at this poem and tell me if I understood you correctly? Thanks!
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Well I think that works rather well though I say it myself. Do you like it? Amazing what those little dots and tadpoles can do isn't it?
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, Dreamwalking, is in a format of which name I know, but have forgotten. Repeating, inverted lines that match the rhyme scheme is inventive and difficult to make work. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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This poem, Dreamwalking, is in a format of which name I know, but have forgotten. Repeating, inverted lines that match the rhyme scheme is inventive and difficult to make work. Nicely done.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Bill. I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles Luna,
great dream I liked it.
you seem to have this felling the dream you had when you said in your last stanza .
Get of the moon cling down Uplifted your spirits in the morn with delight.
Gert
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Smiles Luna,
great dream I liked it.
you seem to have this felling the dream you had when you said in your last stanza .
Get of the moon cling down Uplifted your spirits in the morn with delight.
Gert
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thank you so much, Gert. I appreciate the kind review.
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Smiles Luna
Gert
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
These look a bit tricky to me, but you have done it very well. I may have to try one. A well written poem and good example for me to follow, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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These look a bit tricky to me, but you have done it very well. I may have to try one. A well written poem and good example for me to follow, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thank you, Debbie, If you try one, please let me know! I appreciate the kind review, my friend.
Comment from Angelwhispers
A lovely poem! It feels dreamy, and I like the words you choose. My favorite lines are "When walking in your lunar dreams, nothing is really as it seems" and "Come morning time, then rise with ease, (I'd add a comma there) slip out of your nighttime reprise. Down the moonbeam, make the climb, then rise with ease, come morning time." There's a nice repeat there, "rise with ease," just like how the moon repeats its own rise night after night.
My only suggestion: I'd like to see an alteration to the line "Now this could mean a rich tycoon." I'd like something more meaningful there than a rich tycoon, like a different job or perhaps something more fantastic and beautiful. I don't write much poetry, so I don't know what would work there and still rhyme with "moon," but I trust your brainstorming. :) If you want to work on that line at all, anyway.
It's a beautiful poem! Thank you for the good read. :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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A lovely poem! It feels dreamy, and I like the words you choose. My favorite lines are "When walking in your lunar dreams, nothing is really as it seems" and "Come morning time, then rise with ease, (I'd add a comma there) slip out of your nighttime reprise. Down the moonbeam, make the climb, then rise with ease, come morning time." There's a nice repeat there, "rise with ease," just like how the moon repeats its own rise night after night.
My only suggestion: I'd like to see an alteration to the line "Now this could mean a rich tycoon." I'd like something more meaningful there than a rich tycoon, like a different job or perhaps something more fantastic and beautiful. I don't write much poetry, so I don't know what would work there and still rhyme with "moon," but I trust your brainstorming. :) If you want to work on that line at all, anyway.
It's a beautiful poem! Thank you for the good read. :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2017
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2017
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Thanks for your kind and gracious review. I have your suggestions in my mind and will go back and see what I can do with the poem when I can! Thanks for that.
