Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Chapter Three part Eine"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
33 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
The mystery in your novel deepens more and more with each succeeding chapter. Good job with developing it.
Only one thing to consider:
Anderson stretched his neck from side-to-side. [Barbara, you may want to re-think this image. It's rather vague. How is he stretching his neck? I just can't visualize it as described. Does it function as anything beyond "setting up" Anderson's dialogue?
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
  |
The mystery in your novel deepens more and more with each succeeding chapter. Good job with developing it.
Only one thing to consider:
Anderson stretched his neck from side-to-side. [Barbara, you may want to re-think this image. It's rather vague. How is he stretching his neck? I just can't visualize it as described. Does it function as anything beyond "setting up" Anderson's dialogue?
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
I will think about that area. I saw him a tense because of the situation. I guess I didn't show it enough. Thank you.
-
Nothing major; just wanted to bring it to your attention.
Comment from seaglass
I'm glad to be getting started at the near beginning of the story. Three German shepherds in the city would be a challenge but great protection. Sounds like the stranger that suggested muzzles has evil plans. I'll be watching for your story.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
I'm glad to be getting started at the near beginning of the story. Three German shepherds in the city would be a challenge but great protection. Sounds like the stranger that suggested muzzles has evil plans. I'll be watching for your story.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
I am glad you caught that. I was afraid it would go unnoticed. I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Heidi M
I'm glad Anderson is being cautious and keeping to routine. It's good he's ordering a detail for Ben, too. It shows he cares about his people. I also like how he's looking at Shana's situation objectively, trying to get to the bottom of it.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
I'm glad Anderson is being cautious and keeping to routine. It's good he's ordering a detail for Ben, too. It shows he cares about his people. I also like how he's looking at Shana's situation objectively, trying to get to the bottom of it.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MelB
"Today, I we'll go to Central Park for a run - (I) we'll go
Ben thinks he is being followed. You still have my interest peaked. I'm wondering if he is being followed and if it is the same people or not.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
"Today, I we'll go to Central Park for a run - (I) we'll go
Ben thinks he is being followed. You still have my interest peaked. I'm wondering if he is being followed and if it is the same people or not.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
I have made that correction. Thank you for the kind review.
-
You're most welcome:)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So someone is snooping around. Is Shana in danger? Maybe you could list the characters at the bottom, because with occasional posts, I'm getting lost as to who these people are, except for Shana.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
So someone is snooping around. Is Shana in danger? Maybe you could list the characters at the bottom, because with occasional posts, I'm getting lost as to who these people are, except for Shana.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
I will consider doing that. I hate doing it because in a real novel they would not be there. I probably need to though. YUCK!!! Thank you for the kind review.
-
True, but in a real novel we could read straight through instead of waiting a week to "turn the page"... but we have no choice here.
-
That is true
Comment from Ella25
It is an Interesting chapter where Ben thinks he is being followed and spy on. Andreson finds there is nothing unusual about Shana's family and they would be very wealthy if they get the painting. I am looking forward to another chapter. Thank you for sharing. Blessings, Ella
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
It is an Interesting chapter where Ben thinks he is being followed and spy on. Andreson finds there is nothing unusual about Shana's family and they would be very wealthy if they get the painting. I am looking forward to another chapter. Thank you for sharing. Blessings, Ella
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes this is well written the mystery is building up in the story now putting security on Ben may give more clues or it could find out if Ben has an involvement well done I enjoyed regards Jill
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
Yes this is well written the mystery is building up in the story now putting security on Ben may give more clues or it could find out if Ben has an involvement well done I enjoyed regards Jill
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from royowen
I love the way you include these marvellous dogs in your stories Barbara. Yes the plot is becoming mote settled in its story pathway, the plot is beautifully established along with the characters and their individual roles of protagonist and antagonists, obviously some romance will manifest, well done, great scribing, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
I love the way you include these marvellous dogs in your stories Barbara. Yes the plot is becoming mote settled in its story pathway, the plot is beautifully established along with the characters and their individual roles of protagonist and antagonists, obviously some romance will manifest, well done, great scribing, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
Welcome Barb
Comment from light
The story is moving along nicely. Those two men are still following her. Maybe they have an interest in the painting or some other recovered relic. Still holding my interest.
Elaine
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
The story is moving along nicely. Those two men are still following her. Maybe they have an interest in the painting or some other recovered relic. Still holding my interest.
Elaine
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from bookishfabler
Philip went (to) the elevator and spoke into the intercom, "Hello, may I help you?"
When Ben entered the room, the three dogs sat holding their leashes in their mouths
One of my dogs does this. Sometimes he picks up his brother's leash like he's walking him. It's cute.
"No. Drew's addressing congress Monday about an oil deal. He wants to make sure there aren't any special interest groups trying to change his mind."
"You mean lobbyist?" Ben paused. "He acts like a normal dude. I forget he's all important."
(Skip a line)
WOnderful, as usual. If I don't see you around, have a Merry Christmas and/or a Happy Hanukkah.
Hugs Heidi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
|
Philip went (to) the elevator and spoke into the intercom, "Hello, may I help you?"
When Ben entered the room, the three dogs sat holding their leashes in their mouths
One of my dogs does this. Sometimes he picks up his brother's leash like he's walking him. It's cute.
"No. Drew's addressing congress Monday about an oil deal. He wants to make sure there aren't any special interest groups trying to change his mind."
"You mean lobbyist?" Ben paused. "He acts like a normal dude. I forget he's all important."
(Skip a line)
WOnderful, as usual. If I don't see you around, have a Merry Christmas and/or a Happy Hanukkah.
Hugs Heidi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Dec-2016
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review. I have made the corrections.