Luna's Form Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "The Land of Sleep "a place to gather my poetic forms
27 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Well, this was great poem and as I read the lines, I was taken back to those magical times of reading stories and imagination filled dreams.
A wonderful poem.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Well, this was great poem and as I read the lines, I was taken back to those magical times of reading stories and imagination filled dreams.
A wonderful poem.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Dear Lance,
Thank you to the moon and the lovely review. I
Comment from cumulus365
A sound good night sleep that we all need when we wake up the next morning. Your five stanzas tell of those innocent times when we just haven't yet to experience the horrors in life can entail. Youngsters love magical stories about knights, kings, queens, fair maid, and the wonderful kingdoms which are read to at bedtime so to impart a safe goodnight sleep. But, life is not all magical. In this poem, you tell that you like to be in the dream land where you would experience good protection and have lovely material things. So I guess you need to focus on this light to have a good night sleep. I like your poem for it has ending rhyme scheme pattern of abab that provides a nice rhythmical flow. I am thankful that when I lay down I could fall asleep right away, I don't need to be in a good dream state. I have a problem with getting a bad dream interrupting my sound sleep once in a while. I like your lines 2-4 of stanza 2. Your poem did not use any poetic technique to enhance the meaning of your topic. Your illustration is a good image of an illusion in a dream state that effectively enhance your poem. Thanks for sharing your recommendation for a sound sleep.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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A sound good night sleep that we all need when we wake up the next morning. Your five stanzas tell of those innocent times when we just haven't yet to experience the horrors in life can entail. Youngsters love magical stories about knights, kings, queens, fair maid, and the wonderful kingdoms which are read to at bedtime so to impart a safe goodnight sleep. But, life is not all magical. In this poem, you tell that you like to be in the dream land where you would experience good protection and have lovely material things. So I guess you need to focus on this light to have a good night sleep. I like your poem for it has ending rhyme scheme pattern of abab that provides a nice rhythmical flow. I am thankful that when I lay down I could fall asleep right away, I don't need to be in a good dream state. I have a problem with getting a bad dream interrupting my sound sleep once in a while. I like your lines 2-4 of stanza 2. Your poem did not use any poetic technique to enhance the meaning of your topic. Your illustration is a good image of an illusion in a dream state that effectively enhance your poem. Thanks for sharing your recommendation for a sound sleep.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your very kind review.
I appreciate your kind attention to my work
Question of interest what poetic techniques would you suggest that would add to the poem? I'm not angry, just interested. I always can improve with the help of others.
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Hi Luna, I know you are not angry as I was not in any intention to demean one's work. I learn and I was just given off what I learned and applied with it so I don't forget. I am appreciative of your understanding. In stanza 2, rather than stately which is more of a modern description, the majestic castle would be more suited for medieval period, or a magnificent castle. In that same sentence, in the sky, you might have The evening sky was as green as jade. You need to fascinate the scenery to make the image come to live. I was thinking in stanza 3, rather than the mistress, the image of this person would be more lively as using simile such as the mistress has round brown innocent eyes like the doe, she looks as supple and sweet as a rose in bloom, she has eyes as luminous and bright and brown as waters of a woodland river. Of course, the same goes to your closing stanza where you will be in the Land of Sleep with thousand of luminous stars and as calm as a flowing river. Use of alliteration/assonance would catch the reader's attention. I wish I'd get a reader to give me constructive comments on my writes. You are welcome to pick on my poems since I do know that I don't know my mistakes. Best regards, cumulus.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I do like this one, what a lovely poem. It's the type we recite to our grandchildren, fairies and magic, the light shines in their eyes at such lovely stories. You have written this well, it was a pleasure to read. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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I do like this one, what a lovely poem. It's the type we recite to our grandchildren, fairies and magic, the light shines in their eyes at such lovely stories. You have written this well, it was a pleasure to read. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your very kind review.
I appreciate your kind attention to my work
Comment from Mands
Lovely trip down memory lane to the stories read in childhood. The lines flowed beautifully and created a lovely picture of dragons and elves. Very well crafted. :-)
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Lovely trip down memory lane to the stories read in childhood. The lines flowed beautifully and created a lovely picture of dragons and elves. Very well crafted. :-)
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your very kind review.
I appreciate your kind attention to my work
Comment from Pantygynt
A dream sequence perhaps. I dont dream much these days but there came a black and yellow snake last night. I thought it had eaten the cat. But it hadn't. I liked the flow of this.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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A dream sequence perhaps. I dont dream much these days but there came a black and yellow snake last night. I thought it had eaten the cat. But it hadn't. I liked the flow of this.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Wow, what a dream!
I'm really happy that you enjoyed the poem.
Comment from Writer51
This is a wonderful poem. It takes me back to the days of fantasies on paper. I see the fairies and the castle in the sky. Very nice rhyme and the meter was mostly steady with only a couple of slight bump.
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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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This is a wonderful poem. It takes me back to the days of fantasies on paper. I see the fairies and the castle in the sky. Very nice rhyme and the meter was mostly steady with only a couple of slight bump.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Thank you for your very kind review.
I appreciate your kind attention to my work
Comment from William Ross
Very good on the land of sleep for those who have wonderful pleasant dreams. great rhyming with a good meter, reads well. Great poem in the book, thanks for the share and have a great day
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reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
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Very good on the land of sleep for those who have wonderful pleasant dreams. great rhyming with a good meter, reads well. Great poem in the book, thanks for the share and have a great day
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2016
-
Thank you for your very kind review.
I appreciate your kind attention to my work
