The Gobbledegooks
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Gobbledegooks Royal Wedding"Children's Fantasy Poems
37 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hello Steve,
"Loads of fun" ... that's for sure! Six stars doesn't even seem enough for this delightful fairytale, Steve! You gave me so many chuckles with this poem.
You take your reader on a step-by-step procession of every detail involved in the making of this grand wedding ... right down to "the monkey is shining the chandelier" (loved that! ... great imagery!).
Fantastic FUN imagery is created for your reader, and the poem skips along with a great beat. Some of the highlights that really made this reader laugh/smile are: "the butler is waving his best feather duster", "the wides and the narrows", "princeling", "Let's skip all the speeches and other dull stuff. She's gorgeous, he's beaming. I'm sure that's enough" (that was my favourite part).
Terrific rhyming and great flow. Fantastic alliteration throughout the entire poem. Super creative and super fun to read!
Connie
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
  |
Hello Steve,
"Loads of fun" ... that's for sure! Six stars doesn't even seem enough for this delightful fairytale, Steve! You gave me so many chuckles with this poem.
You take your reader on a step-by-step procession of every detail involved in the making of this grand wedding ... right down to "the monkey is shining the chandelier" (loved that! ... great imagery!).
Fantastic FUN imagery is created for your reader, and the poem skips along with a great beat. Some of the highlights that really made this reader laugh/smile are: "the butler is waving his best feather duster", "the wides and the narrows", "princeling", "Let's skip all the speeches and other dull stuff. She's gorgeous, he's beaming. I'm sure that's enough" (that was my favourite part).
Terrific rhyming and great flow. Fantastic alliteration throughout the entire poem. Super creative and super fun to read!
Connie
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Connie. I appreciate the obvious delight you took in this and the six stars too.
Shall I confess that my own biggest chuckle is at the ladies trembling when they see the knights practising their dancing?
Steve
-
Haha ... that was indeed a great line as well, Steve. Yep, men don't seem to like to dance as much as the ladies do. The ladies may end up getting their feet trampled . :)
Comment from humpwhistle
This is a fine stand-alone poem/story, Steve.
And a suitable ending to your book.
Your characters are grand, but your language
and wordplay are even better.
Alliteration and subtle insinuation.
And the Gobbledegooks carry the day.
Huzzah!
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
|
This is a fine stand-alone poem/story, Steve.
And a suitable ending to your book.
Your characters are grand, but your language
and wordplay are even better.
Alliteration and subtle insinuation.
And the Gobbledegooks carry the day.
Huzzah!
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Lee. Much appreciated. I had to work hard throughout this series not to let the language overwhelm the characters and the story. I have always had a soft spot for this weird mob, and if I can find a sympathetic picture-book publisher, who knows where they may end up?
Steve
Comment from Ogden
I have't read the earlier chapters of "The Gobbledegooks," but you did such a fine job of bringing the story up to date, I think I'm good. I have no doubt that they're replete with the same quality rhyming, alliteration, and flow as you lavished on this one.
Terrific work!
Ogden (aka Don)
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
 |
I have't read the earlier chapters of "The Gobbledegooks," but you did such a fine job of bringing the story up to date, I think I'm good. I have no doubt that they're replete with the same quality rhyming, alliteration, and flow as you lavished on this one.
Terrific work!
Ogden (aka Don)
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Don.
You are absolutely right - the earlier chapters are more of the same cheerful nonsense!
Steve
Comment from jlsavell
Steven, well there's not much I can say here, except I was thoroughly entertained beyond entertained! This is fantabulous. Fantasmagoriamcal!
Exupperstupendous!
Well now where else do I go?
Jimi
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
|
Steven, well there's not much I can say here, except I was thoroughly entertained beyond entertained! This is fantabulous. Fantasmagoriamcal!
Exupperstupendous!
Well now where else do I go?
Jimi
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Jimi, for the Gobbledegooky words and the marvellipitous stars.
I have always had a soft spot for this weird mob, and if I can find a sympathetic picture-book publisher, who knows where they may end up?
Steve
Comment from rama devi
As usual, your finesse in storytelling in a poem excels here, with great natural flow and creative rhyming, a clever story, fine descriptive detail and a satisfying ending.
I'm not going to list all nuances in phonetics, as I know you know I noticed them all and applaud. Will just tell you my favorite stanza to read aloud:
The streets of the town are all scattered with flowers
And bunting bobs brightly from turrets and towers.
They've decked every doorway, the wides and the narrows;
The children spray glitter on starlings and sparrows.
Love this rhyme pair and phrasing too:
Fiestas, processions and parties, they had 'em,
Respected by all were the young Sir and Madam.
This is witty and whimsical and especially fun to read aloud:
Yes, all round the castle, the people are hurrying,
Scampering, scuttling and scooting and scurrying.
Badrag, the brewer, brings barrels of beer;
A monkey is shining the grand chandelier.
Another favorite for content and imagery:
Her carriage is carved from a magical tree,
And drawn by that dragon -- a wonder to see.
I will also mention some optional suggestions for your consideration:
The fairies and elflings and goblins are out,(;)
There's a fizz in the air -- it is magic, no doubt.
When Hilda found Rupert,(no ,) asleep in a pan.
The scullery-maid with the long golden hair
And the playful young princeling,(--) they made a fine pair.
*
To practise their dancing -- the ladies are trembling!
is that UK spelling? IN US it is practice
The door is thrown open and Hilda leaps out,(no ,)
And kisses her bridegroom; the crowd give(s) a shout.
Cute stanza:
Magog, the Magician, he marries them fast,
By waving his wand with a magical blast.
Let's skip all the speeches and other dull stuff;
She's gorgeous, he's beaming, I'm sure that's enough.
Fine rhymes and cute content:
Then fireworks, confetti and streamers and flares.
"There's feasting for everyone!" Rupert declares.
The dragon gets busy, he's sizzling the roasts.
"There's nothing like dragon-breath flavour," he boasts.
Perfect closing:
And when all the partying's over and done,
The feasting's all finished, the stories are spun,
The monkey is hanging a sign from the rafter,
"You know they live happily forever after!"
What fun rhymes laced through this. It's sure to place in the contest. Almost a six, my friend...needs minor fine tuning.
Kudos!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
|
As usual, your finesse in storytelling in a poem excels here, with great natural flow and creative rhyming, a clever story, fine descriptive detail and a satisfying ending.
I'm not going to list all nuances in phonetics, as I know you know I noticed them all and applaud. Will just tell you my favorite stanza to read aloud:
The streets of the town are all scattered with flowers
And bunting bobs brightly from turrets and towers.
They've decked every doorway, the wides and the narrows;
The children spray glitter on starlings and sparrows.
Love this rhyme pair and phrasing too:
Fiestas, processions and parties, they had 'em,
Respected by all were the young Sir and Madam.
This is witty and whimsical and especially fun to read aloud:
Yes, all round the castle, the people are hurrying,
Scampering, scuttling and scooting and scurrying.
Badrag, the brewer, brings barrels of beer;
A monkey is shining the grand chandelier.
Another favorite for content and imagery:
Her carriage is carved from a magical tree,
And drawn by that dragon -- a wonder to see.
I will also mention some optional suggestions for your consideration:
The fairies and elflings and goblins are out,(;)
There's a fizz in the air -- it is magic, no doubt.
When Hilda found Rupert,(no ,) asleep in a pan.
The scullery-maid with the long golden hair
And the playful young princeling,(--) they made a fine pair.
*
To practise their dancing -- the ladies are trembling!
is that UK spelling? IN US it is practice
The door is thrown open and Hilda leaps out,(no ,)
And kisses her bridegroom; the crowd give(s) a shout.
Cute stanza:
Magog, the Magician, he marries them fast,
By waving his wand with a magical blast.
Let's skip all the speeches and other dull stuff;
She's gorgeous, he's beaming, I'm sure that's enough.
Fine rhymes and cute content:
Then fireworks, confetti and streamers and flares.
"There's feasting for everyone!" Rupert declares.
The dragon gets busy, he's sizzling the roasts.
"There's nothing like dragon-breath flavour," he boasts.
Perfect closing:
And when all the partying's over and done,
The feasting's all finished, the stories are spun,
The monkey is hanging a sign from the rafter,
"You know they live happily forever after!"
What fun rhymes laced through this. It's sure to place in the contest. Almost a six, my friend...needs minor fine tuning.
Kudos!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Rama. Your reviews always give me something to think about.
Yes, I was always taught 'practise' = verb and 'practice' = noun.
Same thing with license/licence and (to remember which is which) model on advise/advice.
I've just had the thought that if American usage is always 'practice' with a 'C' then do you say someone is practicing? Nope, SpellCheck doesn't like that!
I'm off to check those pesky commas now. As usual, I didn't get started until deadline day, so there was little time to fine tune this.
Steve
-
Yes, in US it is practicing. Your spell check might be fixed to UK?
Thanks for clarifying that they have both ways in UK. Good to know, as many of my editing clients are from UK and Australia--and it's different from US.
Love, rd
-
Good thing you're not offering to munch any more saris too - not even a mention, honourable or otherwise...
-
Yeah, same here--and I thought my entry was my best one yet for that contest. I really do wonder about the contest choosing algorithm thing. I believe there is one, though some deny it. The contest committee only views a small number of the actual entries...and how is the 'booth' decided on? Sometimes i think posts with too many reviews won't qualify because their ratio of sixes is less.
Even with dozens of sizes, my posts never win and rarely place.
I liked your post best. Wish it has won.
-
PS--those saris are not easy to digest. LOL
Comment from LIJ Red
The dadumdadadum is just right for such a fanciful story in a poem. And this is a good way to climax the series. I think I've read them all. Excellent verses.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
|
The dadumdadadum is just right for such a fanciful story in a poem. And this is a good way to climax the series. I think I've read them all. Excellent verses.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
-
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, these folk have been with me for a while, so it's a little sad to sign off on them, but I may try for a publisher now that the series is complete.
Steve
Comment from Nika2016
I love this to death...every bit of it reads like romantic Seuss..
It sparkles...it chimes...it flows in rhymes...it flaunts convention
with boisterous invention..
it reveals a sort of universal justice...as the kitchen maid marries the prince. Bravo!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
|
I love this to death...every bit of it reads like romantic Seuss..
It sparkles...it chimes...it flows in rhymes...it flaunts convention
with boisterous invention..
it reveals a sort of universal justice...as the kitchen maid marries the prince. Bravo!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Nika - sounds like you could do this sort of stuff yourself! I guess the hardest thing is to get the balance between all the whiz-bang sounds and language tricks, and some sort of coherent story.
I appreciate the six stars.
If you find time, take a look at the earlier poems - in similar vein. You should be able to just backtrack through the chapters from this post.
Steve
Comment from judester
This is whimsical and clever. The story flows with a delightful, yet typical ending. I must go find the rest of this wonderful tale, cheers, judester
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
|
This is whimsical and clever. The story flows with a delightful, yet typical ending. I must go find the rest of this wonderful tale, cheers, judester
Comment Written 06-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Judester. Glad you enjoyed.
To read the others, you should be able to just backtrack through the chapters from this post.
Steve
-
Cheers, it will be my Sunday read, j
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is such a fun read Steve and with all the scampering, and scurrying to get things ready it sounds like most other wedding preparations. I'm not sure if I've read the others or not, so will check 'em out.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
|
This is such a fun read Steve and with all the scampering, and scurrying to get things ready it sounds like most other wedding preparations. I'm not sure if I've read the others or not, so will check 'em out.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Valda.
To find the others, you should be able to just backtrack through the chapters from this post.
Steve
Comment from Dean Kuch
Methinks you've been reading a bit too much poetry featuring danpald's faeries and their seasonal shenanigans, Steve, lol.
In all seriousness, the Gobbledegooks franchise has been a good one for you.
Looks like yet another winner to me.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
|
Methinks you've been reading a bit too much poetry featuring danpald's faeries and their seasonal shenanigans, Steve, lol.
In all seriousness, the Gobbledegooks franchise has been a good one for you.
Looks like yet another winner to me.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2016
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2016
-
Thanks, Dean. Is it miserable to say I don't much care for those never-ending fairies, and I avoid them like the plague?
Yes, I've had one or two winners out of the good folk from the Gobbledegook Kingdom, but the way my luck is running this year, I doubt whether this will make it. In any case, it's been fun and I am a little sad to sign off on these guys...
Steve
-
I for one hope they are not gone for good, Steve. Perhaps a miraculous return is in their future--like Misery Chastain in Steven King's novel of the same name--"MISERY"?
Best of luck in the voting, my friend.
You wanna talk about bad luck?
My entry for the Halloween Poetry Contest, "The Bugaboo Bugaloo", which now resides at #16 on FanStory's all-time best horror/thriller poetry category, didn't even place.
THAT'S bad luck!
~Dean
-
Ah, I tried to find your Halloween entry, but since all if your posts look like Halloween, it was a bit difficult. It was after I read a review of the winning poem, saying that yours had it beaten hands down!
Don't forget you win just about very contest you enter. You've gotta give the rest of us some leeway!
-
Yeah, I get told that a lot, Steve.
I'm not saying it should have won the contest, but it would have been nice to at least place.
Why do our best to put forth our best work if we stand no chance at all of winning simply because we win often?
Still, anyone who cares about the work they produce would be remiss to do anything less.
~Dean
