Comment from write hand blue

Excellent

I thought at first that this was going to be a fine historical piece. My mistake.

You put forward you ideas written in a way that can mean anything. The way of religion, vague, let the imagination invent the perceived truth.

In spite of this it is well written. This is my perception of the poem, the truth as I see it.

~Mel~

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016

Thanks, Mel. Yes, the poem is open to various interpretations - it is interesting to se what various readers have made of it!

Steve

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

Deaths's coming. And religious hopes, those petty temples raised to fear, will no longer serve the raiser in their time of loss. The voice you use, whether the devil, grim reaper, or the actual end of life itself, really puts a dampener on the believer in this dictum. There'll be no cushy reward. The storm is coming, indeed. And that doesn't sound like white lights and silver doves.
All the support mechanisms, guardian angels, hopeful dreams, and love are dissed as empty. Death will tear down all of these hollow supports.
A challenging assessment of our tiny temples down here, Steve, but a true poem about faith warts and all.
Loved the form, the imagery and even the subtle adjustments to the refrain. a fine entry. Best of luck.

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016

Thanks, Mark. This is perhaps the most insightful review I have had for this. Some readers don't get it at all, so go to the top of the class!

I enjoyed the challenge of this new (to me) form, and pulled out all the stops to make it dramatoc!

Steve

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

A great villanelle you've written for this Faith contest challenge Steve. Very powerful repeating line
Tear down your petty temples raised to fear -
Enjoyed this one,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 13-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016

Thanks, Valda. Glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from cterp

Exceptional

You blew me away with this.

"that guardian angel's just a wizened crone" wow. powerful image. wicked witch of the west.

This is remarkably, thunderously, powerful. A very strong entry.

chris

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016

Thanks, Chris.

'thunderously powerful', eh? That' just what I was trying to do - pulled out all the stops.

Steve

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Steve, I have read a few of the villanelle poems...and I must say this is one of the best...I love the repeating lines...and the story told...the days of cavalier are over...and your time is coming to an end...so very well written...and a great picture...love Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016

Thanks, Linda.

Yes, I organised the Villanelle contest, but this one is not entered in that, but in the faith contest.

I guess all of our days are literally coming to an end - let's hope not just yet. There are still plenty of poems to rite!

Steve

reply by l.raven on 13-Sep-2016

LOL...yes there are Steve...I think we have time...love xxoo Linda

Comment from Pantygynt

Exceptional

The beautifully modified repeat lines in this villanelle give give it this poem its power and its whole raison d'etre really. The skillful way this difficulrt form has been handled will probably pass unnoticed in a faith poem contest, more's the pity because this is an exceptionally fine villanelle.

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016

Thank you very much for the kind words. Do you mean that the 'faith' message is likely to be more important than the form and technique? Possibly, but I did win one of these at the end of last year, with a poem that also questioned conventional religious faith, so who knows?

reply by Pantygynt on 13-Sep-2016

What I meant was that a large portion of that poetry described on this site as "faith" is not in my opinion particularly good poetry however genuine the faith of the poets. Such people might not recognise a poem of this quality since it does not jig along in the overworked rhymiong couplets. Howewver it seems that I was wrong on that score since you say you have enjoyed contest success previously in this mode. I am happy to have been proved wrong.

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Hi Steve;
-first of all I would like to ask you and since I did not join this contest please notify me when the contest this started and I will vote for this poem. For I really can't stand it when others wish me good book and then I hardly even get a vote for a contest. For I believe those wishing good luck are just giving false hope.
-Your writing is magnificently exceptional and written in such a way that you handle the enjambement exceptionally well for the enjambement is the writing of a topic which is carried through the poem without a hiccup.
-Superb and excellent rhyming for each of the rhyming words are totally contingent to the meaning and concept of each and all of your lines making it easy to read and so fluidly to follow.
-The lines I did read very closely they were all iambic pentameter which made the reading fluid throughout the piece.
-Magnificently done throughout the poem and I give you praise in tribute with total laudation for your exceptional writing skills at writing a villanelle so damn well.
-Thanks for sharing my friend and obviously I'd wish you good luck but don't want to blow your bubble.
-Take care and have a good one.
Alex

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Sep-2016

Alex, thanks as always for your thorough review.

No voting for this - as a site contest, it will go to the committee for judging, so let's hope they appreciate it as much as you do!

Steve

reply by krys123 on 13-Sep-2016

I hope so Steve and if they don't all have the devil rise up and fart in their bed. Chuckle!
Have a good one Stephen take care.
Alex

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very well-written Vilanelle in my opinion. All that glitter is not pure gold. Big castles hide the pains of many unhappy lives. We all end up going the same way and nothing can accompany our souls.

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thanks, Sandra. You have touched on an idea that is at the heart of this poem.

Steve

Comment from William Ross

Excellent

very good, a great faith poem written in the villanellle style. nicely done on this, should do very well Best of luck on this and have a great day

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Thanks, William Glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Kelly2

Excellent

Forgive me my ignorance, but I am having a difficult time understanding this poem. Of course, I don't even know what a villanelle is, with the exception of your explanation at the end. I absolutely loved the words you used. They are really so beautiful.

I am guessing this is God coming to take over the world. Or, more likely, it could be the devil. The King is dead, brings me this realization, as well as petty temples.
I could be wrong, but it is my fault, and my ignorance.

I still liked it and admire that you can do this with such restrictions.

Kelly

 Comment Written 12-Sep-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Sep-2016

Kelly, thanks for taking the time to review. There is no need to apologise for not getting the meaning of a poem. As you show, you can still appreciate the elements of the piece without necessarily grasping all of the ideas. Your comments do show that you have engaged with the poem - more so than some other reviewers, I must say.

Anyway, you are well on the way, and different people will have different interpretations. I often leave ambiguities in my poems so that they can be seen from different perspectives.

In my own head, the 'petty temples' represent all the trappings of religion, and the approaching Storm is Death which exposes the futility of such beliefs. Of course, that is a point which many 'believers' will debate.

Thanks again.

Steve