Falling Off The Edge
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Regret"A true story
65 total reviews
Comment from Mary Wakeford
So I think you have a great start to your novel here. You have me hooked already. More, more! My mind is racing as to his crime...
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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So I think you have a great start to your novel here. You have me hooked already. More, more! My mind is racing as to his crime...
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Hi Mary, thank you very much. I have decided to continue the story anyway after lots of encouragement to do so. Whether it will be a novel I don't know. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Jay Squires
A very effective piece of flash fiction, Ulla. You conveyed two emotional states (desolation and temporary elation) contrasting one against the other, and did an admirable job of it. You wisely chose the Omniscient POV for this piece since the short span of it required both to disclose their thoughts and feelings. Good job there.
Only one thing to consider:
and when she turned to see who was speaking, she almost fainted when she'd drowned in the dark pool of his laughing eyes. [There's a touch of an unfortunate echo when you use two "when's" in the same sentence. >> You might consider changing the first one to "AS".]
Again, good job!
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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A very effective piece of flash fiction, Ulla. You conveyed two emotional states (desolation and temporary elation) contrasting one against the other, and did an admirable job of it. You wisely chose the Omniscient POV for this piece since the short span of it required both to disclose their thoughts and feelings. Good job there.
Only one thing to consider:
and when she turned to see who was speaking, she almost fainted when she'd drowned in the dark pool of his laughing eyes. [There's a touch of an unfortunate echo when you use two "when's" in the same sentence. >> You might consider changing the first one to "AS".]
Again, good job!
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Hi Jay, thank you so much for this great review. I am so glad that you liked it. I'm pleased. I have made the change. Should have seen it, and thanks for pointing it out. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from DonandVicki
I have been trying to come up with an idea for a quick flash fiction story and I think you may have inspired me. Well composed and nice quick read.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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I have been trying to come up with an idea for a quick flash fiction story and I think you may have inspired me. Well composed and nice quick read.
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Thank you so much and I'm honoured that I might have inspired you. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from amada
I loved this short story, full of mystery, nostalgia and nerve. Yes, nerve to finish it so expectantly when the lovers just met after four years. I hope he is married now and his wife is waiting for him in the coffee shop across the street.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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I loved this short story, full of mystery, nostalgia and nerve. Yes, nerve to finish it so expectantly when the lovers just met after four years. I hope he is married now and his wife is waiting for him in the coffee shop across the street.
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Thanks a lot for this great review. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment from jonathan1
I m glad this piece has received the recognition it has. It was easy to read. very entertaining, it captivated the reader. The author was quiet masterful with the way that she put this piece together. Leaves you wanting more and thinking what has become of Thomas?
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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I m glad this piece has received the recognition it has. It was easy to read. very entertaining, it captivated the reader. The author was quiet masterful with the way that she put this piece together. Leaves you wanting more and thinking what has become of Thomas?
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Jonathan. I so appreciate your praise. All the best. Ulla:)
Comment from Clarekr
Such a sad tale. Well written and the story certainly does live up to the title. I feel bad for Sue and equally bad for Thomas. He is definitely in a black hole that he can't find his way out off. For the story it would be great if you told us more but, in life, stuff like this happens all the time. You feel bad for people even though you don't have the whole story. Kudos to you for painting such a good picture of their emotional turmoil.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Such a sad tale. Well written and the story certainly does live up to the title. I feel bad for Sue and equally bad for Thomas. He is definitely in a black hole that he can't find his way out off. For the story it would be great if you told us more but, in life, stuff like this happens all the time. You feel bad for people even though you don't have the whole story. Kudos to you for painting such a good picture of their emotional turmoil.
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. I'm so pleased. All the best. :))
Comment from aryr
Very enjoyable reading. I liked the simplicity of using just 2 characters. The story has a good flow to it for comfortable reading. You kept me wanting to read and read with the level of mystery and suspense you captured. Good job, thank you.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Very enjoyable reading. I liked the simplicity of using just 2 characters. The story has a good flow to it for comfortable reading. You kept me wanting to read and read with the level of mystery and suspense you captured. Good job, thank you.
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Thanks ever so much. I'm so pleased. All the best. Ulla:))
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you are most welcome
Comment from MizKat
Hi Ulla,
Your short story is written very well and was really interesting to read. I hope I will see more of your work so I can read them again. How nice that you are holding the #3 position as author.
MizKat
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Hi Ulla,
Your short story is written very well and was really interesting to read. I hope I will see more of your work so I can read them again. How nice that you are holding the #3 position as author.
MizKat
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Aww, thanks a lot for this sweet review. I'm so pleased. All the best. Ulla:))
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Hi Ulla,
You're very welcome.
MizKat
Comment from chcbeck
A fantastic opening to a story, you capture the interest of the reader you really feel for your characters and their love for each other.please write more I would like to know what happens next.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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A fantastic opening to a story, you capture the interest of the reader you really feel for your characters and their love for each other.please write more I would like to know what happens next.
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Hi there, Thanks a lot for this great review. So many have asked me to continue this story so I have decided to do so. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment from P1
oh no !! i want more. where had he been i thought
you wee going to say he had cancer or something
anything but just to walk away again. enjoyed this
story but so frustrated not knowing where he'd been.
she'd drowned in--------------- she ??
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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oh no !! i want more. where had he been i thought
you wee going to say he had cancer or something
anything but just to walk away again. enjoyed this
story but so frustrated not knowing where he'd been.
she'd drowned in--------------- she ??
Comment Written 08-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
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Hi there, Thanks a lot for this encouraging review. I have been encouraged by many to continue this story and I have decided to do so. All the best. Ulla:)))
