Sonnets
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Jus Primae Noctis"A collection of sonnets
32 total reviews
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
I am very impressed, mikey. I finally figured out how to write single sonnets. Maybe for poetry month I will attempt one of these. My reviewers deserve a good laugh every now and then. This deserves at least 12 stars, but I don't even have six. Beautifully penned, my friend. Have a great night~Debbie
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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I am very impressed, mikey. I finally figured out how to write single sonnets. Maybe for poetry month I will attempt one of these. My reviewers deserve a good laugh every now and then. This deserves at least 12 stars, but I don't even have six. Beautifully penned, my friend. Have a great night~Debbie
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Ha! With your talent I know it will be stellar. Your approval is worth all the stars in the galaxy. Thanks so very much, mikey
By the way. We have a fun challenge every Saturday at 6 PM Eastern Standard Time. The details are in the poetry forum. Poetry Potlatch. We all get together and write about a topic we all receive at the same time. Write and post and then we all check each others work out. Everyone is sworn to be nice and it's the best fun. We'd love to have you join us. Guaranteed the best fun. mikey
Comment from C.J. 16
What an amazing poem mikey. The writing is incredible and the story captured my interest from beginning to end. A great entry for the contest.
One typo I think in sonnet IV:
and so I flea......should it be "flee"?
Super job on this. I am so impressed. All the best.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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What an amazing poem mikey. The writing is incredible and the story captured my interest from beginning to end. A great entry for the contest.
One typo I think in sonnet IV:
and so I flea......should it be "flee"?
Super job on this. I am so impressed. All the best.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Fixed that. Yes, I don't want fleas in my sonnet. :))
Wow. I'm so thrilled you liked it, Linda. Especially that you liked the story since that means it all made sense YAY!
I hope you can join us for our little challenge. It's every Saturday at 6 PM Eastern Standard Time. We all meet in the poetry forum and receive a topic and write a poem and post it. Lots of fun and we're all sworn to niceness. Check it out. All the cool kids will be there. We'd LOVE to have you. mikey
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH my goodness.
And I cant even write one.
This is extrodinary, so well done and to perfect in flow and meter.
Love the sets and the wording. I am envious. Entered the sonnet and just cant get one out.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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OH my goodness.
And I cant even write one.
This is extrodinary, so well done and to perfect in flow and meter.
Love the sets and the wording. I am envious. Entered the sonnet and just cant get one out.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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You write tons of quatrains all the time. Just write three quatrains and when your done, write a rhyming couplet and add it on ... SONNET!
People make to big a deal out of some of this stuff. But this is pretty good, huh? Not sure how I managed this one. I think it's the green pills. Thanks a trillion! mikey
Oh yeah. Challenge Saturday 6 PM Eastern Standard time, New York or Fanstory time. Free verse poem. Write it and post it, no big deal. Check out the poetry forum for details or message me. Great fun and all the cool kids will be there. Pretty please. I have wine and I'll read. :))
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Oh I plan on being there unless the creeks rise.lol I loved the last one. It was so much fun. And I always respond to wine, candels, warm bath, and a reader. Hey by the way...what about my date if I win the 30 day challenge? Is that still on?lol
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I entered the sonnet contest so we will see how I do. Please let me know if I need to change it when I post it?
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Well, it looks like it. :))
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No problem. There's plenty of time and plenty of help. I've had several tips to improve mine. Some of the folks are a bit Harsh but still helpful, but most are nice and helpful which is better. :))
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I screwed up. I posted two works today forgetting that I needed to leave a spot open. I remembered last Sat but ifor got this time so I have to wait for the next one. Its every Sat, right?
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Can I write it and keep track how long it took and post after midnight.
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Sure. You can do that or just start at midnight, either way. Probably more fun to start when we all do and just post the first chance you get. :)) I almost did the same thing. I just didn't press "end preview".
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I just thought of it. I will write it when everyone else does and post after midnight. Thank you dear friend
Comment from Gloria ....
For if I hear iteven whispered -- I'll grow weak.
Love the rogue waves cutting with their claws. Exceptional imagery there.
My Lord, it is the Ghost (ghost) of he I've killed--
He rode from that damn Castle (castle) I helped build
One cut slashed swift 'cross throat, and he was killed. I think that line might be changed for a smoother flow, for example
I swiftly slashed his throat and he was killed.
III
for respite from a world bent so unkind. The scansion is a tad off with with respite. Can't think of a quick suggestion but I know you will.
You've used the word mind twice in close succession in this sonnet, so you may want to change the last line to something else. Ah I see the issue now and it works well, In your sonnet IV you have in place of mind in the last line so just change it to soul in the last line of sonnet III to match the line.
Just another suggestion in this sonnet.
Indeed, to snuff his life -- I seized the task
But never could I see her in his grasp. Hard to know as that might just be a sideways move. That's a tough rhyme.
And what of him who claims such pedigree,
that with a piece of paper claims sublime. Claims twice in close succession so a change for one of those little puppies.
My heart now bids me dance, to stand and cheer.
Just a few suggestions Mikey, overall this is a terrific poem. I should say that your muse, if you call it that, has been flying at high altitudes with this lovely Crown of Heroic Sonnets.
This has got to be a record time for writing a Crown and you are to be congratulated for it.
I truly wish I had a six for this most worthy and delightful poem. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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For if I hear it
Love the rogue waves cutting with their claws. Exceptional imagery there.
My Lord, it is the Ghost (ghost) of he I've killed--
He rode from that damn Castle (castle) I helped build
One cut slashed swift 'cross throat, and he was killed. I think that line might be changed for a smoother flow, for example
I swiftly slashed his throat and he was killed.
III
for respite from a world bent so unkind. The scansion is a tad off with with respite. Can't think of a quick suggestion but I know you will.
You've used the word mind twice in close succession in this sonnet, so you may want to change the last line to something else. Ah I see the issue now and it works well, In your sonnet IV you have in place of mind in the last line so just change it to soul in the last line of sonnet III to match the line.
Just another suggestion in this sonnet.
Indeed, to snuff his life -- I seized the task
But never could I see her in his grasp. Hard to know as that might just be a sideways move. That's a tough rhyme.
And what of him who claims such pedigree,
that with a piece of paper claims sublime. Claims twice in close succession so a change for one of those little puppies.
My heart now bids me dance, to stand and cheer.
Just a few suggestions Mikey, overall this is a terrific poem. I should say that your muse, if you call it that, has been flying at high altitudes with this lovely Crown of Heroic Sonnets.
This has got to be a record time for writing a Crown and you are to be congratulated for it.
I truly wish I had a six for this most worthy and delightful poem. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016
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OMG! You must read my mind or you can see exactly where it's stuck. Yes, that is soooo exactly the areas I was hoping for help with and you have come through like an angel. I used all of your suggestions and it's such an improvement. I think our little potlatch project has rewired my brain or something. I write fast now for some reason. LOL. I'm not sure I can even write any other way now. No worries about a six. Your approval is a galaxy to me. Love, mikey
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I am still gobsmacked you completed your Crown in less than five hours. I know you did, and holy mackerel Batman, this is out of this world exceptional.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Wow! now this is one of those times when I wish I had a six, not that everything you write isn't deserving of six stars, but this is one of the special ones to me. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Wow! now this is one of those times when I wish I had a six, not that everything you write isn't deserving of six stars, but this is one of the special ones to me. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks a million, Ric. One of those that you finish and it's kind of a surprise. Like "I can't believe I ate the whole thing" type moment. I already know where you went with that. HAHAHA! Yeah, I had to go there to to know it. LOL
Come by for the challenge tomorrow. Throw a free verse down in less than an hour. No one has died trying it. I promise it will be fun and there are some totally hot chicks there, no lie. Chicks dig poets, dude. It beats having to talk to them. YIKES!! 6PM Saturday. Check out the poetry forum. BE THERE! mikey
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Mikey
= WHEW! What an undertaking.
= This is such a great entry for the prompt.
= Whopper of a payday as well. You go, my friend.
= Great artwork and formatting for super presentation.
= A real winner with this. The best of luck.
* A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! *
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Hi, Mikey
= WHEW! What an undertaking.
= This is such a great entry for the prompt.
= Whopper of a payday as well. You go, my friend.
= Great artwork and formatting for super presentation.
= A real winner with this. The best of luck.
* A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! *
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much, Jax. Something like this is hard to predict I guess. I'm so relieved you liked it so much. Whooooo HOOO!
If you have a chance stop by for our little challenge on Saturday. Doesn't take long at all. Saturday, 6 PM New York Time. Thats Eastern Standard or Fanstory time. Check it out in the poetry forum. Great fun guaranteed! mikey
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Thanks so much for the invite, but I'm snowed under editing to publish.
= Also, keeping up with posting chapters to HOPEFULLY remain in 1st place for Novels.
= Just spreading myself thin trying to get in reviews, too.
= I'm out of town most of the day tomorrow ... I'm already pooped! Whew! (*>*)
Comment from foxangie123
Excellent writing. Most often your work for me is read to be erotic. It is most unique writing I've read on here for real. Keep it up. This Rocks.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Excellent writing. Most often your work for me is read to be erotic. It is most unique writing I've read on here for real. Keep it up. This Rocks.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Interesting. I'm glad you liked this. Thanks for the kind words. mikey
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Well deserved. Hugs.
Comment from nordicgirl
This is overwhelming, Michael. Mercy me. At first I just read it in a daze impressed by the sheer magnitude and skill and all of that jazz.
Then I actually read it. What a beautful story. I swear You had me in tears with that ending and the picture of the moon over the empty ocean. Just so touching, Michael. You are something else sometimes. You live up to all the dreams. NG
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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This is overwhelming, Michael. Mercy me. At first I just read it in a daze impressed by the sheer magnitude and skill and all of that jazz.
Then I actually read it. What a beautful story. I swear You had me in tears with that ending and the picture of the moon over the empty ocean. Just so touching, Michael. You are something else sometimes. You live up to all the dreams. NG
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank God. I really want the story to come through especially the ending. I think it's simple and straight forward, but then every time I think that no one knows what the hell I'm talking about.
Damn, that is just such a damn sweet thing to say. You're something else yourself. You do know what to say and when to say it. Opinions vary I'm sorry to say. Always, mikey
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
To me it is a well written crown of heroic sonnets, and the first one I read in one go from start to finish. It flows well and tells an interesting tale.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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To me it is a well written crown of heroic sonnets, and the first one I read in one go from start to finish. It flows well and tells an interesting tale.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much, Sandra. I'm delighted you enjoyed it. That makes me smile you were able to read right through it!! mikey
P.S. See ya tomorrow at the challenge!!! Whooo Hoooo. :))
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Mikey,
after just reading that I have now deleted my attempt at a crowned sonnet and taken up knitting.
Where the hell did that come from? This is just amazing. I know it may sound a bit OTT but this is by far one of the best poems I have read on FS if not ever. I understood and was captivated by every word. When do I get to read the next seven sonnets in this series....WHAT......you mean there is no more!!!!!!!!!!!!..........How can that be right.
I'M blown away.
Brenda
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Hi Mikey,
after just reading that I have now deleted my attempt at a crowned sonnet and taken up knitting.
Where the hell did that come from? This is just amazing. I know it may sound a bit OTT but this is by far one of the best poems I have read on FS if not ever. I understood and was captivated by every word. When do I get to read the next seven sonnets in this series....WHAT......you mean there is no more!!!!!!!!!!!!..........How can that be right.
I'M blown away.
Brenda
Comment Written 31-Mar-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Aww. Thanks so much, Brenda. I'm truly humbled by your response. Now, don't go deleting things! Sometimes you just get on a little roll and it comes easy I guess. A sequel? HMMM. What wonderful praise. I'll have the biggest smile for days. You're the best. mikey
