2015 Haiku
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "5/7/5 (Little hand in mom's)"A collection of haiku I wrote in 2015
43 total reviews
Comment from GracieAnn
This 5 7 5 has great content and word choice. I have two things that I noticed. One is minor in that the title should not have any capital letters, and it is difficult to get around church's being two syllables making it 8 not 7 which cause too many syllables. It may be too late to change, but if you could rephrase that second line and shave a syllable, it would conform to the contest expectations. Example: hand absent in church's crowd. Good sentiment. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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This 5 7 5 has great content and word choice. I have two things that I noticed. One is minor in that the title should not have any capital letters, and it is difficult to get around church's being two syllables making it 8 not 7 which cause too many syllables. It may be too late to change, but if you could rephrase that second line and shave a syllable, it would conform to the contest expectations. Example: hand absent in church's crowd. Good sentiment. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from c_lucas
Children and parents can be quickly separated in a crowd. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Children and parents can be quickly separated in a crowd. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
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You're welcome.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Joy Graham
I love this parable :) You have reminded me of the stories I loved best when I was a wee child in Sunday School.
I counted eight syllables in the second line:
"hand, pulled a-way in church-s crowd".
Good luck in this contest. I think you have a lovely entry.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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I love this parable :) You have reminded me of the stories I loved best when I was a wee child in Sunday School.
I counted eight syllables in the second line:
"hand, pulled a-way in church-s crowd".
Good luck in this contest. I think you have a lovely entry.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from nomi338
Fear not little, lost one because neither space nor time shall truly separate you from the one who loves you dearly. Just like a misplaced electronic device can often be pinged until it is found, pings from the heart go out to summon the lost one home. You just have to listen closely and you will either hear it or feel it.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Fear not little, lost one because neither space nor time shall truly separate you from the one who loves you dearly. Just like a misplaced electronic device can often be pinged until it is found, pings from the heart go out to summon the lost one home. You just have to listen closely and you will either hear it or feel it.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from Jesse James Doty
Wonderful 5/7/5 poem. Well done and very moving. I like that parable of the Shepherd who leaves their flock to find the lost sheep. Thank you for sharing your talent with me.
Peace, Jesse James
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Wonderful 5/7/5 poem. Well done and very moving. I like that parable of the Shepherd who leaves their flock to find the lost sheep. Thank you for sharing your talent with me.
Peace, Jesse James
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
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You are most welcome. I hope you win the contest.
Comment from TPAC
Writer creative line structuring captures a story within a few given statements I found in their conveyance a thought-provoking concept pleasing to my memories. Perfect to me in its presentation and captivating to me in its ideal.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Writer creative line structuring captures a story within a few given statements I found in their conveyance a thought-provoking concept pleasing to my memories. Perfect to me in its presentation and captivating to me in its ideal.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :) Thank you very much for the six stars. :)
Comment from MacMhuirich
Beautifully written 5-7-5 for the 'lost' contest and a wonderful reminder of the Lost Sheep Parable. The artwork you have chosen compliments your wording so well. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Beautifully written 5-7-5 for the 'lost' contest and a wonderful reminder of the Lost Sheep Parable. The artwork you have chosen compliments your wording so well. Best wishes for the contest.
Bless you
John
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from judester
Lovely haiku, each one is precious.Aren't children a little like sheep, needing our guidance and protection? You have taken a common event, and added a biblical spin. Bravo cheers judester
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Lovely haiku, each one is precious.Aren't children a little like sheep, needing our guidance and protection? You have taken a common event, and added a biblical spin. Bravo cheers judester
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
Comment from misscookie
Amen!
This is what I call a food for thought poem.... meaning after you read it you go mm.
Thank you for sharing this uplifting poem.
Cookie
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Amen!
This is what I call a food for thought poem.... meaning after you read it you go mm.
Thank you for sharing this uplifting poem.
Cookie
Comment Written 17-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the excellent review and kind words, I really appreciate it. :)
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You're very welcome. Take care.
Cookie
Comment from Ben Colder
Leaves the ninety-nine and goes after the one. Glad we have solace in our Lord. The Great Shepard. My sheep know my voice. Best wishes to you .
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Leaves the ninety-nine and goes after the one. Glad we have solace in our Lord. The Great Shepard. My sheep know my voice. Best wishes to you .
Comment Written 16-Nov-2015
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2015
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Thank you very much for the lovely review. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review my poem.